Stern v. Free Spirit

Since I've been slacking on the blogging, I decided to blog randomly to make up for loss time.

You might not remember His Boys Girl...
(read about her in the highlighted link)

She's been very good to me ever since I met her. She had asked me how I was and I didn't answer, a few days later (yesterday) I sent her this email:

Hey His Boys Girl,

I know this email is RANDOM...I have some stuff on my mind. I've spoken to my girls about it but of coarse their opinion is going to be biased, even though they try to be as truthful as they can.

Obbbbvvvviioooussslllyyy this e-mail is about Fitness lol...I don't understand why I am having trouble with this. I know he and I cannot be together, our personalities don't mix. He is stern and serious, I am a free spirit and like to laugh- even at things that are serious... You have to find some humor in it (at least I do). In the end, this is the real reason behind all of our problems.

I felt I couldn't open my mouth without there being something wrong with what I said so eventually I stopped talking. That ended up being a problem as well. That's no way to live, when communication is fucked ITS FUCKED. Its weird because I'm not one to ever have a problem with communicating with someone. I actually pride myself in my ability to talk out a problem, maybe not at the exact moment but give me a few minutes and I'll be good.

I told him from the get that I wasn't ready for the downs that came with being with somebody. Usually I am a much stronger person when it comes to dealing with this but I knew I didn't give myself enough time. I've written and erased a few times looking for the right way to word this but I can't so here is a weak attempt: The thing I'm having a hard time dealing with isn't the fact that we aren't together. I understand the reasons why and the desire I had to work things out isn't there because I need to be with somebody who loves and accepts me... ALLLLL of me, and vice versa. I want to be able to grow and be able to make mistakes without being worried that I won't be forgiven if its not something major. Walking on eggshells isn't something I could get used to... But I won't deny that I loved him and it seems he is having a much easier time with this. For the most part I am okay until I get reminded...

Anyway, thanks for reading :), I hope your anniversary went well.

IMWIR