Duty Calls

When Fitness and I broke up I found myself talking to the Ex Fiance about it and he was surprisingly very supportive. I have never told him Fitness and I were an item but he wasn't stupid, it was unspoken knowledge.

When I told him Fitness said I was unstable he said "you aren't unstable, you are just delicate. It takes a special kind of guy to be with you IMWIR and that guy is ME!" I bursted into tears. Until this very moment I did not realize how dependant I was. Even through our break up, and me being with Fitness I still spoke to the Ex Fiance every other day about nothing, or something.

It's reminds me of the break dancer, I know I could always count on him to tell me the truth without being harsh- and laugh about the situation if need be.

I've been asked many times- especially by Fitness... WHY do I still keep in touch with the Ex Fiance.

Despite his downfalls, and the cause of the end of our relationship I was going to marry him for a reason. He will always be a friend of mine.

The Ex Fiance left to the Army on Sunday, the last two days before he left we made time to see each other and it was so easy to just sit and eat with him.

Saying good bye to him was hard. I cried, a few times while with him... I cried after seeing him... Even now, when I am alone I'll cry. I miss him. I guess you really don't know what you have until it is gone. I can no longer call him at random times when I am bored.

The break dancer tells me he thinks it is loneliness. The fact that Fitness and I are no longer together and then the Ex Fiance leaves. I do think that might play a part in why I am so sensitive BUT I don't think I would have missed him any less.

I've never really been good at good-bye's anyway.