Monday, June 20, 2011
Don't get used to this, I just want to bitch about work...
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I Peed On The Stick
I've been a little unfair with my lack of details with certain things. Let me rewind to last posts pregnancy.
I had been having pre menstrual cramps like usual, so i didn't think anything was up. Until a few days later I had noticed my sleep was ALL OFF. I was having weird dreams and just a hard time sleeping period. I NEVER have had this problem. My body was fatigued (I thought it was because of the sleep). I was taking naps during the day because I just couldn't stay awake.
Then I thought I am still having these cramps but where the fuck is my period?
Mothers day was around the corner, I was going to Michaels to buy my mom her gift. On my way to the train station I stopped by Rite Aid and picked up the most idiot proof pregnancy test available. One with words.
I get out the train station and see a Whole Foods I have shopped at before. I was about to pee my pants in the train so I ran straight to the bathroom.
I peed on the stick.
I calmly waited because I didn't think I was pregnant. I was just taking it to put my mind at ease.
And then...
Oh Holy Shit.
I had a panic attack in the bathroom stall. I didn't know what to do with myself. I almost shitted my heart out. I was hyper ventilating.
I pulled myself together enough to walk out of the bathroom. Once outside I called my mother crying.
"MA! I'm pregnant" :*(
The woman was happy! She has been dying to become a grandmother. She told me this is nothing to cry about, everything is going to be okay, and to go home.
I called Ting- to tell him I was pregnant and that I had already called to make an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. He was upset that I didn't talk to him about it before making this decision. I understood where he was coming from but in reality we had only been dating for a little while and I am in no place in life to have a baby. I don't have a job and I live at home with my mother. He was actually considering keeping it! After some real talk he said he supports whatever I decide to do. He knows we shouldn't keep it, he isn't ready for a baby either (he is only 24. Yes, I am a cougar).
He was super supportive throughout out the entire process. I had morning sickness and he did great with that. He came with me to the procedure and wanted to take care of me after.
Like I mentioned before, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I didn't think I would feel so relieved after.
So kiddies: I am living proof that PULLING OUT DOES NOT WORK.
Potent sperm is potent sperm.
I didn't use birth control consistently because I would get sick. My doctor recommended Nuva Ring and I haven't felt nausea at all. Nice!
On to the next topic. In my relationship with the Ex Fiance he loved more then I did. A lot more then I did. Ting is adamant about being with someone who loves him just as much or close to. He says 60/40 is the most if he had to put it in numbers but 70/30 is unbalanced and there is no way that relationship could be a healthy one.
Opinions?
I had been having pre menstrual cramps like usual, so i didn't think anything was up. Until a few days later I had noticed my sleep was ALL OFF. I was having weird dreams and just a hard time sleeping period. I NEVER have had this problem. My body was fatigued (I thought it was because of the sleep). I was taking naps during the day because I just couldn't stay awake.
Then I thought I am still having these cramps but where the fuck is my period?
Mothers day was around the corner, I was going to Michaels to buy my mom her gift. On my way to the train station I stopped by Rite Aid and picked up the most idiot proof pregnancy test available. One with words.
I get out the train station and see a Whole Foods I have shopped at before. I was about to pee my pants in the train so I ran straight to the bathroom.
I peed on the stick.
I calmly waited because I didn't think I was pregnant. I was just taking it to put my mind at ease.
Oh Holy Shit.
I had a panic attack in the bathroom stall. I didn't know what to do with myself. I almost shitted my heart out. I was hyper ventilating.
I pulled myself together enough to walk out of the bathroom. Once outside I called my mother crying.
"MA! I'm pregnant" :*(
The woman was happy! She has been dying to become a grandmother. She told me this is nothing to cry about, everything is going to be okay, and to go home.
I called Ting- to tell him I was pregnant and that I had already called to make an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. He was upset that I didn't talk to him about it before making this decision. I understood where he was coming from but in reality we had only been dating for a little while and I am in no place in life to have a baby. I don't have a job and I live at home with my mother. He was actually considering keeping it! After some real talk he said he supports whatever I decide to do. He knows we shouldn't keep it, he isn't ready for a baby either (he is only 24. Yes, I am a cougar).
He was super supportive throughout out the entire process. I had morning sickness and he did great with that. He came with me to the procedure and wanted to take care of me after.
Like I mentioned before, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I didn't think I would feel so relieved after.
So kiddies: I am living proof that PULLING OUT DOES NOT WORK.
Potent sperm is potent sperm.
I didn't use birth control consistently because I would get sick. My doctor recommended Nuva Ring and I haven't felt nausea at all. Nice!
On to the next topic. In my relationship with the Ex Fiance he loved more then I did. A lot more then I did. Ting is adamant about being with someone who loves him just as much or close to. He says 60/40 is the most if he had to put it in numbers but 70/30 is unbalanced and there is no way that relationship could be a healthy one.
Opinions?
Monday, June 21, 2010
I know I Am An Adult When I Am Making These Types Of Decisions...
Bloggers! Long time no see...
HELLO NUVA RING!
The ex-fiance. Oh man I just had a hard talk with him yesterday. I had to let him know that I had to let go for real. I know he and I aren't going to work, atleast not right now. He had his chance to slide back in when he came back from boot camp and he didn't take it. It is time for me to be fair to someone else. The ex-fiance still had hope for us and would guilt trip me for not answering his calls. It hurt, but it needed to be done. I am going to miss him.
^ADULT DECISION 2^
The NYPD called me. I don't want to jinx it so all I will say is there is a high chance of a large class going in July. This might be my turn. ::FINGERS CROSSED::
Ting has to go to Vegas for a week for work. He bought me my flight so we could spend some time together assuming I will be getting into the July academy. I didn't think I would look forward to spending an entire week alone with someone like this. I bought a few sexy little things to thank him ;o)... I'll let you know how it goes.
FYI I am almost up to my 100th blog and I don't know what to do with that lol.
It's been over a month. I am sorry. Well, lots been going on! Where shall I begin. Right, well... this happened...
Yeap.
It was Tings.
You read right. WAS. I didn't keep it. It was a mutual decision. It is for the best, he and I aren't ready for that yet, it wasn't the right time for US. I had the support of a lot of people and felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders when the procedure was over. I know I did the right thing.
^ADULT DECISION 1^
^ADULT DECISION 1^
HELLO NUVA RING!
Staying on the subject of Ting, I am in trouble. My feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger. I am happy to have him as a friend and more. It hasn't been peaches and cream this entire time (obviously, see above lol). We've gotten through everything together and have kept GREAT COMMUNICATION through it all.
^ADULT DECISION 2^
The NYPD called me. I don't want to jinx it so all I will say is there is a high chance of a large class going in July. This might be my turn. ::FINGERS CROSSED::
Ting has to go to Vegas for a week for work. He bought me my flight so we could spend some time together assuming I will be getting into the July academy. I didn't think I would look forward to spending an entire week alone with someone like this. I bought a few sexy little things to thank him ;o)... I'll let you know how it goes.
FYI I am almost up to my 100th blog and I don't know what to do with that lol.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Pulling at My Heart Strings
The Ex Fiance is in Vegas this week. His first real vacation.
We were engaged, he knew me and knew I loved vacationing. Any time I mentioned a vacation it wasn't anything of interest to him. To him, it was just another way to spend money. I guess looking at it from his perspective, someone whose never had a good vacation I can see why his excitement at the word vacation was lacking.
He's been good with the calling all the time... but when he does call the phone call does not go without an I love you, or an I miss you, or just a positive attitude that we can and will make things work at some point. That breaks my heart, he is so hopeful and patient with me. I tell him I am not ready to be with you. My fault for not telling him the truth about Ting.
Today he called to say hello and let me know he was still alive in Vegas and that he is having a good time.
"Boo, I am sorry. I want to take a vacation with you, this summer if possible. I can't stop thinking about you."
He is finally getting it... A year too late :*(
We were engaged, he knew me and knew I loved vacationing. Any time I mentioned a vacation it wasn't anything of interest to him. To him, it was just another way to spend money. I guess looking at it from his perspective, someone whose never had a good vacation I can see why his excitement at the word vacation was lacking.
He's been good with the calling all the time... but when he does call the phone call does not go without an I love you, or an I miss you, or just a positive attitude that we can and will make things work at some point. That breaks my heart, he is so hopeful and patient with me. I tell him I am not ready to be with you. My fault for not telling him the truth about Ting.
Today he called to say hello and let me know he was still alive in Vegas and that he is having a good time.
"Boo, I am sorry. I want to take a vacation with you, this summer if possible. I can't stop thinking about you."
He is finally getting it... A year too late :*(
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I Guess Raw Meat Isn't The Only Thing That Doesn't Sit Well With Me
I am straight up breaking the rule I made for myself about blogging about my relationship. I think this is a hot topic and could use outsiders opinions so I will post this one.
Ting grew up just him and his mother. His mother was a mistress and he was a product of this relationship. Needless to say his dad wasn't really around. His mom sent him to boarding school for high school for good reasons, the neighborhood he grew up in wasn't the best and she worked the night shift.
He had to grow up fast. His mother was never really an affectionate woman, and still isn't. She has a unique personality. One that is too much for me to handle. She is raw, has no hair on her tongue.
She isn't really social, and doesn't like to try to be. She is comfortable being by herself I guess or the act of being social might be too much for her to handle. Who knows, I am mo counselor or therapist and don't care to be. She is dependant on tings attention to a certain degree. He sometimes feels like a bad son. I strongly believe it is because she has that dagger in his back and likes to twist it any chance she gets. I can only judge by what I have seen and every time that I have been over, without fail, she has had a negative comment to say about anything. It's like he can't get shit right. He can't check the mail right, he doesn't have the time for the dog, he doesn't eat the cookies she bought, he can't open his mouth without her response being something negative I am going to say at least sixty percent of the time.
I don't like it but it isn't my place to say anything right?
Until...
He expects me to have a great relationship with her. Expectations aren't good and especially when you are expecting with someone who's social skills are not the norm. I've tried to spend time with her and I thought it went as well as it could have given the situation. Apparently it isn't enough. Tings response "she doesn't dislike you, which says alot".
Oh boy, I could have already seen I was going to have a swervy road ahead of me.
Then today happened.
In a nutshell ting told me he felt like a bad son because he didn't call his mom at all this weekend (we were really busy, I barely had time to eat) and when he did call her this morning to let her know he arrived okay her response was "you forgot you had a mother?"...
I took this opportunity to mention how I noticed she likes to throw little jabs all the time and he shouldn't feel bad for not being able to call her one weekend because he was swamped. He isn't a bad son, he literally didn't have the time to pick up the phone (sounds like bs but I was there working with him, anytime we had downtime we were eating and working and recording so we couldn't really talk).
That conversation snow balled into something I wasn't expecting but I am sort of glad it did...
Ting: niice
3:08 PM me: i know you get defensive about your mother though so sorry if you feel I was attacking
3:12 PM Ting: no i dnt fee that way.
i think that scenario is just different so i'm informing you. i hope i'm not coming across as defensive
3:13 PM me: no you weren't. you did mention how you get protective about your mother though so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't coming across as attacking.
Ting: i get protective about all the people in my life.
me: i know. im the same way
Ting: no i didn't think you were attacking. i know you have mine and my mother best interest at heart.
3:15 PM no worries babe. we can discuss this sort of stuff without fear of me getting defensive. I'll only do that if you say something outlandish... like my mother is a "stinky face" at which point i'll have to straight herb you in public :O)
3:16 PM me: lol can i be honest
its about your mother so answer that carefully
3:18 PM Ting: yes.
3:19 PM me: i have a hard time accepting the way your mom speaks to you sometimes. i don't think its fair and i find myself feeling the way I feel when someone speaks to my little sis a way i dont like.
3:21 PM Ting: that is fair for you to say. My mom has never been disrespectful to me in the slightest. She wants a certain kind of attention that is not where near out of this world. I'm the one who is hard on myself when i fall short.
me: no, i am telling you as an outsider looking in... your mom subliminally makes you feel guilty
3:22 PM she throws jabs all the time
little jabs*
Ting: that might be the case but it's the way she is and it's a huge improvement from what she recieved from her mother.
3:23 PM me: im sorry, i hate that excuse
Ting: it's not an excuse
me: its the same one people use for my father
3:24 PM and it makes sense
but i dont like it
Ting: it's a fact and the fact that my mom has over come her limitations and short comings with her mother to try and offer me a better relationship speak volumes on her willingness to grow as a person.
but at the end of the day she's still a person/human so she ain't gonna be perfect.
3:25 PM she has been loving and caring and all i needed to do was find 2min out of my day to call her and make sure that her and olly were still alive and kicking.
3:26 PM i feel guilty but that feeling doesn't extend past the first few minutes when i realized that i hadn't called.
me: but the fact that you missed a weekend because you were busy isnt a big deal... she doesnt need to throw comments out there like "you forgot you had a mother"
you didnt forget, you were just busy
jab
3:27 PM Ting: eh.... you're not wrong but remember i told you that as soon i explained she was like ok. which is often the case ...
me: ok
3:30 PM Ting: i know that i'm not gonna change your mind but i need for you to not let this mar your perception of my mother.
3:31 PM she's the only one I got and i think she's done a bang up job. she ain't perfect and that's ok. At the end of the day we love each other an are able to get along pretty well.
3:32 PM we might not be as healthy and successful as your relationship with your mother but i think we're still well above the avg. set of parent child relationships out there
me: its something ive felt for a while and I will feel the way that i feel because I care about you and i dont like to see the sudden slight change in your face, or long term effect her methods have. but your mother is your mother and I will respect her the same.
3:33 PM Ting: well what long term affects do you see babe?
it's not like i loose sleep over this stuff.
me: you feeling guilty and feeling like a bad son
3:34 PM sometimes
you are NOT a bad son.
Ting: yes she has gotten to me in the past and prolly will in the guture but with each conflict our relationship grows and evolves.
i might use that term losely
but i did feel bad that i didnt' call her like i would feel bad like i didn't call davin.
3:35 PM i told her i would as soon as I arrived and I totally forgot that....
me: ok Ting but i am not talking about this one situation
Ting: omg i just realized that you hold a bad image of my mother...
i know you are not.
me: its something ive heard you mention numerous time and I have noticed when I am there. I dont know if you noticed
Ting: you are talk about past situations that i've referenced
me: but i start to rub your arm when I feel she is being unreasonable lol
3:37 PM Ting: lol?
i didn't notice that rubbing thing
3:38 PM me: anyway, I will continue to mind my business when it comes to that.
it wasnt my place to say anything in the first place
if you are okay with your relationship with your mother then so am I (not that my opinion matters, really)
3:39 PM Ting: hold up hold up.
3:41 PM you dont' have to mind your business.
3:42 PM you should feel perfectly comfortable in broaching the subject and having a dialogue with me about your concerns
3:46 PM as long as you remain respectful i'm cool with it.
3:47 PM plus i value your opinion and if your support can help me get to a better place with my mother that's really the icing on the cake.
3:48 PM i'm sorry but in reading this chat i see that i haven't taken the steps to show you (even myself) that i would like to change my relationship for the better with her.
3:52 PM Ting: ok ....
BUT.....
3:53 PM i need for you to please revaluate your stance with my mom.
i feel like she has a bad wrap and it undeserving.
it bothers me to think that you don't like her.
3:54 PM me: Ting, I don't like to see you unhappy or being treated unfairly. But I know my place. As you can tell I have a hard time understanding your mother, so I wouldn't even know to offer anything but you know I am here for you whenever you need an outlet.
3:55 PM Ting: do i seem that un happy when it comes to mommy?
cause if i do maybe i need sometime to reflect on it.
me: a little
3:56 PM Ting: i think i know what is going on.
3:57 PM i only converse about the bad things or mention/bring to light what makes me uphappy or peturbed about a situation regardin my mother or our relationship
me: no, youve spoken about the good
Ting: i will still take the time to reflect on our relationship but i'll also try not only bombard you with the bad.
3:58 PM me: im also being tainted by what ive seen
i guess
Ting: but it's important to me that you reamain as open minded as you can towards her. because i love her and shes mommy and i need for you to be comfortable with her.
i'm leaving here at 430.
3:59 PM me: Im not going to lie to you Ting, I dont understand your mother but I respect her...
4:00 PM and i dont agree with some of the things she does but again, if you are okay with it then so am I
more some of the things she says*
not does
4:01 PM Ting: like what?
me: in a nut shell, EVERYDAY I"ve been there your mom has something negative to say about something youve done, or havent done
4:02 PM or something you are currently doing
or the way you say something
something is always a problem
if you dont read the mail
4:03 PM if you dont eat the cookies
Ting: oh man... i seee
me: i know she isnt one for positive reforecemnt
but i think its negative overload
Ting: she isn't she doesn't know how
me: and it affects you
4:04 PM i dont care if you say it doesnt
it does
no one can live that way and not be affected by it
Ting: babe i am the way that i am because of her.
me: all those little things have to have something to do with you feeling lilke a bad son sometimes
Ting: she's isn't tender all the time but she can be.
me: if your mom has constant negative comments
4:05 PM Ting: i ask that you give it time. me and her have some growing to do in our respective ways but just be mindful that at the end of the day the person you fell in love with was forged by her.
me: i know its an extreme... but my dad was constantly bad to me but he was there economically and he did what he had to do as a man that has children... and he hugged me from time to time, and was more affectionate then your mother is with you but it still doesnt make what he does okay
4:06 PM i was forged by my dad too
BUT IT STILL DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY
4:07 PM and like you woith your mom, my dad is my dad and he is the only one i have... it still doesnt make it okay
4:08 PM again, an extreme comparison but its the only one i have
4:13 PM Ting Ok i can see this isn't going to get us anywhere. i can sit here all day and defend my mother (and i will if i have to) but we're going around in circles.
me: im fine with dropping it
Ting: our relationship is different one that i'm content with. can it be better yes. can it be worse most certainly.
4:14 PM me: like i said, if you are okay with it, i am okay with it
Ting: it's clear that you will not be buddies with mommy and that's something that i had hoped for so i'm just a lil bummed about that.
4:15 PM me: thats okay
Ting: it's not anything big as long as you respect her i'm ok with it
me: i am always respectful of parents
even when they call me names in emails lol
4:16 PM (Ex Fiance's mom)
Ting: right.
well lets change the subject cause i've through a sway of all kinds of emotions and i'm thinking it's best to move on from it
i've gone*
4:17 PM me: ok
its still raining pretty hard here
4:18 PM (like im 20 miles away lol)
Ting: so i'll come and pick you up
dnt figh me on this
it's not that bad around here actually
4:19 PM me: hopefully itll stop soon
Dimas: why risk it...
i'll just pick you up .
4:20 PM me: ahhhhhhh its suppose to rain all night
crap
well, perfect night in for a movie!!
4:22 PM Ting before we move on from the subject I want to make sure you are comfortable in knowing that your mom and I might not be the best of friends- she is a little much for me to handle but it's not like I dislike her, or don't want to be around her. I am fine with having the sort of relationship a girlfriend of a son usually has with the mother of her boyfriend
4:23 PM I dont expect you and mami to call each other and talk when I am not around or to be okay with leaving you alone with my mother for two hours lol
Ting: but that's the thing i'm ok with all those things.
Ting: i'm ok with you leaving me alone with your mom.
now I HAVE to worry to never put you in that scenario
4:26 PM it's a lot to think about
me: my mom is a little more receptive then your mom. Maybe i should have used my dad as an example
you are right. it is a lot to think about.
4:27 PM Ting: my mom is receptive just not what you are accostimed to.
accustomed*
ugh.
me: she is alittle raw
and you are right. i am not equipt to handle that
4:28 PM if you need your time to think about that its cool
4:29 PM obviously having a girlfriend that has a genuine friendship with your mother is of higher importance then I had originally thought
We spoke after. In a nutshell he doesn't want me to judge his mother knowing her for this little time.
My response: I can only judge on what I have seen and what I have been told. (he agreed with me on this after his emotions cooled off).
It might be my stubborness but to me it is still an excuse. If the problem is recognized a solution can be reached, not have the problem accepted.If he doesn't have a problem with it then I don't either. That is his mother and he has to be comfortable with he relationship they have. He asked that I don't have a problem with his mom over this. It might had been too bold of me to respond this way but I told him it will only become a problem to me when she speaks to me that way. I don't come equipt to deal with that type of constant feedback.
Ting grew up just him and his mother. His mother was a mistress and he was a product of this relationship. Needless to say his dad wasn't really around. His mom sent him to boarding school for high school for good reasons, the neighborhood he grew up in wasn't the best and she worked the night shift.
He had to grow up fast. His mother was never really an affectionate woman, and still isn't. She has a unique personality. One that is too much for me to handle. She is raw, has no hair on her tongue.
She isn't really social, and doesn't like to try to be. She is comfortable being by herself I guess or the act of being social might be too much for her to handle. Who knows, I am mo counselor or therapist and don't care to be. She is dependant on tings attention to a certain degree. He sometimes feels like a bad son. I strongly believe it is because she has that dagger in his back and likes to twist it any chance she gets. I can only judge by what I have seen and every time that I have been over, without fail, she has had a negative comment to say about anything. It's like he can't get shit right. He can't check the mail right, he doesn't have the time for the dog, he doesn't eat the cookies she bought, he can't open his mouth without her response being something negative I am going to say at least sixty percent of the time.
I don't like it but it isn't my place to say anything right?
Until...
He expects me to have a great relationship with her. Expectations aren't good and especially when you are expecting with someone who's social skills are not the norm. I've tried to spend time with her and I thought it went as well as it could have given the situation. Apparently it isn't enough. Tings response "she doesn't dislike you, which says alot".
Oh boy, I could have already seen I was going to have a swervy road ahead of me.
Then today happened.
In a nutshell ting told me he felt like a bad son because he didn't call his mom at all this weekend (we were really busy, I barely had time to eat) and when he did call her this morning to let her know he arrived okay her response was "you forgot you had a mother?"...
I took this opportunity to mention how I noticed she likes to throw little jabs all the time and he shouldn't feel bad for not being able to call her one weekend because he was swamped. He isn't a bad son, he literally didn't have the time to pick up the phone (sounds like bs but I was there working with him, anytime we had downtime we were eating and working and recording so we couldn't really talk).
That conversation snow balled into something I wasn't expecting but I am sort of glad it did...
Ting: niice
3:08 PM me: i know you get defensive about your mother though so sorry if you feel I was attacking
3:12 PM Ting: no i dnt fee that way.
i think that scenario is just different so i'm informing you. i hope i'm not coming across as defensive
3:13 PM me: no you weren't. you did mention how you get protective about your mother though so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't coming across as attacking.
Ting: i get protective about all the people in my life.
me: i know. im the same way
Ting: no i didn't think you were attacking. i know you have mine and my mother best interest at heart.
3:15 PM no worries babe. we can discuss this sort of stuff without fear of me getting defensive. I'll only do that if you say something outlandish... like my mother is a "stinky face" at which point i'll have to straight herb you in public :O)
3:16 PM me: lol can i be honest
its about your mother so answer that carefully
3:18 PM Ting: yes.
3:19 PM me: i have a hard time accepting the way your mom speaks to you sometimes. i don't think its fair and i find myself feeling the way I feel when someone speaks to my little sis a way i dont like.
3:21 PM Ting: that is fair for you to say. My mom has never been disrespectful to me in the slightest. She wants a certain kind of attention that is not where near out of this world. I'm the one who is hard on myself when i fall short.
me: no, i am telling you as an outsider looking in... your mom subliminally makes you feel guilty
3:22 PM she throws jabs all the time
little jabs*
Ting: that might be the case but it's the way she is and it's a huge improvement from what she recieved from her mother.
3:23 PM me: im sorry, i hate that excuse
Ting: it's not an excuse
me: its the same one people use for my father
3:24 PM and it makes sense
but i dont like it
Ting: it's a fact and the fact that my mom has over come her limitations and short comings with her mother to try and offer me a better relationship speak volumes on her willingness to grow as a person.
but at the end of the day she's still a person/human so she ain't gonna be perfect.
3:25 PM she has been loving and caring and all i needed to do was find 2min out of my day to call her and make sure that her and olly were still alive and kicking.
3:26 PM i feel guilty but that feeling doesn't extend past the first few minutes when i realized that i hadn't called.
me: but the fact that you missed a weekend because you were busy isnt a big deal... she doesnt need to throw comments out there like "you forgot you had a mother"
you didnt forget, you were just busy
jab
3:27 PM Ting: eh.... you're not wrong but remember i told you that as soon i explained she was like ok. which is often the case ...
me: ok
3:30 PM Ting: i know that i'm not gonna change your mind but i need for you to not let this mar your perception of my mother.
3:31 PM she's the only one I got and i think she's done a bang up job. she ain't perfect and that's ok. At the end of the day we love each other an are able to get along pretty well.
3:32 PM we might not be as healthy and successful as your relationship with your mother but i think we're still well above the avg. set of parent child relationships out there
me: its something ive felt for a while and I will feel the way that i feel because I care about you and i dont like to see the sudden slight change in your face, or long term effect her methods have. but your mother is your mother and I will respect her the same.
3:33 PM Ting: well what long term affects do you see babe?
it's not like i loose sleep over this stuff.
me: you feeling guilty and feeling like a bad son
3:34 PM sometimes
you are NOT a bad son.
Ting: yes she has gotten to me in the past and prolly will in the guture but with each conflict our relationship grows and evolves.
i might use that term losely
but i did feel bad that i didnt' call her like i would feel bad like i didn't call davin.
3:35 PM i told her i would as soon as I arrived and I totally forgot that....
me: ok Ting but i am not talking about this one situation
Ting: omg i just realized that you hold a bad image of my mother...
i know you are not.
me: its something ive heard you mention numerous time and I have noticed when I am there. I dont know if you noticed
Ting: you are talk about past situations that i've referenced
me: but i start to rub your arm when I feel she is being unreasonable lol
3:37 PM Ting: lol?
i didn't notice that rubbing thing
3:38 PM me: anyway, I will continue to mind my business when it comes to that.
it wasnt my place to say anything in the first place
if you are okay with your relationship with your mother then so am I (not that my opinion matters, really)
3:39 PM Ting: hold up hold up.
3:41 PM you dont' have to mind your business.
3:42 PM you should feel perfectly comfortable in broaching the subject and having a dialogue with me about your concerns
3:46 PM as long as you remain respectful i'm cool with it.
3:47 PM plus i value your opinion and if your support can help me get to a better place with my mother that's really the icing on the cake.
3:48 PM i'm sorry but in reading this chat i see that i haven't taken the steps to show you (even myself) that i would like to change my relationship for the better with her.
3:52 PM Ting: ok ....
BUT.....
3:53 PM i need for you to please revaluate your stance with my mom.
i feel like she has a bad wrap and it undeserving.
it bothers me to think that you don't like her.
3:54 PM me: Ting, I don't like to see you unhappy or being treated unfairly. But I know my place. As you can tell I have a hard time understanding your mother, so I wouldn't even know to offer anything but you know I am here for you whenever you need an outlet.
3:55 PM Ting: do i seem that un happy when it comes to mommy?
cause if i do maybe i need sometime to reflect on it.
me: a little
3:56 PM Ting: i think i know what is going on.
3:57 PM i only converse about the bad things or mention/bring to light what makes me uphappy or peturbed about a situation regardin my mother or our relationship
me: no, youve spoken about the good
Ting: i will still take the time to reflect on our relationship but i'll also try not only bombard you with the bad.
3:58 PM me: im also being tainted by what ive seen
i guess
Ting: but it's important to me that you reamain as open minded as you can towards her. because i love her and shes mommy and i need for you to be comfortable with her.
i'm leaving here at 430.
3:59 PM me: Im not going to lie to you Ting, I dont understand your mother but I respect her...
4:00 PM and i dont agree with some of the things she does but again, if you are okay with it then so am I
more some of the things she says*
not does
4:01 PM Ting: like what?
me: in a nut shell, EVERYDAY I"ve been there your mom has something negative to say about something youve done, or havent done
4:02 PM or something you are currently doing
or the way you say something
something is always a problem
if you dont read the mail
4:03 PM if you dont eat the cookies
Ting: oh man... i seee
me: i know she isnt one for positive reforecemnt
but i think its negative overload
Ting: she isn't she doesn't know how
me: and it affects you
4:04 PM i dont care if you say it doesnt
it does
no one can live that way and not be affected by it
Ting: babe i am the way that i am because of her.
me: all those little things have to have something to do with you feeling lilke a bad son sometimes
Ting: she's isn't tender all the time but she can be.
me: if your mom has constant negative comments
4:05 PM Ting: i ask that you give it time. me and her have some growing to do in our respective ways but just be mindful that at the end of the day the person you fell in love with was forged by her.
me: i know its an extreme... but my dad was constantly bad to me but he was there economically and he did what he had to do as a man that has children... and he hugged me from time to time, and was more affectionate then your mother is with you but it still doesnt make what he does okay
4:06 PM i was forged by my dad too
BUT IT STILL DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY
4:07 PM and like you woith your mom, my dad is my dad and he is the only one i have... it still doesnt make it okay
4:08 PM again, an extreme comparison but its the only one i have
4:13 PM Ting Ok i can see this isn't going to get us anywhere. i can sit here all day and defend my mother (and i will if i have to) but we're going around in circles.
me: im fine with dropping it
Ting: our relationship is different one that i'm content with. can it be better yes. can it be worse most certainly.
4:14 PM me: like i said, if you are okay with it, i am okay with it
Ting: it's clear that you will not be buddies with mommy and that's something that i had hoped for so i'm just a lil bummed about that.
4:15 PM me: thats okay
Ting: it's not anything big as long as you respect her i'm ok with it
me: i am always respectful of parents
even when they call me names in emails lol
4:16 PM (Ex Fiance's mom)
Ting: right.
well lets change the subject cause i've through a sway of all kinds of emotions and i'm thinking it's best to move on from it
i've gone*
4:17 PM me: ok
its still raining pretty hard here
4:18 PM (like im 20 miles away lol)
Ting: so i'll come and pick you up
dnt figh me on this
it's not that bad around here actually
4:19 PM me: hopefully itll stop soon
Dimas: why risk it...
i'll just pick you up .
4:20 PM me: ahhhhhhh its suppose to rain all night
crap
well, perfect night in for a movie!!
4:22 PM Ting before we move on from the subject I want to make sure you are comfortable in knowing that your mom and I might not be the best of friends- she is a little much for me to handle but it's not like I dislike her, or don't want to be around her. I am fine with having the sort of relationship a girlfriend of a son usually has with the mother of her boyfriend
4:23 PM I dont expect you and mami to call each other and talk when I am not around or to be okay with leaving you alone with my mother for two hours lol
Ting: but that's the thing i'm ok with all those things.
Ting: i'm ok with you leaving me alone with your mom.
now I HAVE to worry to never put you in that scenario
4:26 PM it's a lot to think about
me: my mom is a little more receptive then your mom. Maybe i should have used my dad as an example
you are right. it is a lot to think about.
4:27 PM Ting: my mom is receptive just not what you are accostimed to.
accustomed*
ugh.
me: she is alittle raw
and you are right. i am not equipt to handle that
4:28 PM if you need your time to think about that its cool
4:29 PM obviously having a girlfriend that has a genuine friendship with your mother is of higher importance then I had originally thought
We spoke after. In a nutshell he doesn't want me to judge his mother knowing her for this little time.
My response: I can only judge on what I have seen and what I have been told. (he agreed with me on this after his emotions cooled off).
It might be my stubborness but to me it is still an excuse. If the problem is recognized a solution can be reached, not have the problem accepted.If he doesn't have a problem with it then I don't either. That is his mother and he has to be comfortable with he relationship they have. He asked that I don't have a problem with his mom over this. It might had been too bold of me to respond this way but I told him it will only become a problem to me when she speaks to me that way. I don't come equipt to deal with that type of constant feedback.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate... I Don't Care What Bitches Say... I Don't Even Look That Way...
Ok, I am lying, apparently I do care what bitches say. In this case, male bitches.
I've never had a love for Facebook. It was something to have to keep in touch with peeps... but I've never really been a fan of how dependant people are of it, and how things get a stamp of approval once it's been posted on facebook.
You know Jenny is really pregnant when she puts it on her status.
You know John and Elly are really serious when they change their relationship status.
True story, my neighbor caught her boyfriend lying about his whereabouts because of a picture he posted on facebook. Psh, stupid now EX boyfriend of hers.
During my trip to the Poconos with Ting we took a really nice picture. It was nice, sepia, and Ting looked good in it. It was genuinely a nice picture. I put it as my default for no other reason then IT WAS A NICE PICTURE.
Oh Holy Shit.
I have never, not even when I was engaged received so many messages (not even comments) about a picture. How many male haters are out there?
I had a few people just ask who he was, I don't really post too much of my personal info on there. I try not to make my status' too personal whenever I do update them, so I can see why people would get curious... but adult male haters? Really? I mean, no, really? I am lacking a huge amount of understanding with this one. I am very over protective with things I care about. I am super over protective with my mother, my sisters, and apparently my relationship with Ting.
I deactivated my account, for now at least. I was caught off guard with this.
Moving on. My girls have decided they want to have a slutty dress night out. Those of you who know us personally know that we aren't those kinds of girls that wear those dresses you have to keep pulling down at the club. I DON'T EVEN OWN ONE. But I have two newly single ladies in my inner circle, and one not so newly but still single lady (PANG, my sister)... and if these newly founded sluts want to have a night out in some of those dresses- I can suck it up for one night.
I went out and shopped where the sluts shop. I am not a girl with a shape, so finding a dress wasn't easy... but I found one. WITH PLEATHER lol. Yes, you read right. That being said, stay tuned for the follow up blog next month about this night. It's scheduled for the weekend of May 21st. I will post a pic.
I've never had a love for Facebook. It was something to have to keep in touch with peeps... but I've never really been a fan of how dependant people are of it, and how things get a stamp of approval once it's been posted on facebook.
You know Jenny is really pregnant when she puts it on her status.
You know John and Elly are really serious when they change their relationship status.
True story, my neighbor caught her boyfriend lying about his whereabouts because of a picture he posted on facebook. Psh, stupid now EX boyfriend of hers.
During my trip to the Poconos with Ting we took a really nice picture. It was nice, sepia, and Ting looked good in it. It was genuinely a nice picture. I put it as my default for no other reason then IT WAS A NICE PICTURE.
Oh Holy Shit.
I have never, not even when I was engaged received so many messages (not even comments) about a picture. How many male haters are out there?
I had a few people just ask who he was, I don't really post too much of my personal info on there. I try not to make my status' too personal whenever I do update them, so I can see why people would get curious... but adult male haters? Really? I mean, no, really? I am lacking a huge amount of understanding with this one. I am very over protective with things I care about. I am super over protective with my mother, my sisters, and apparently my relationship with Ting.
I deactivated my account, for now at least. I was caught off guard with this.
Moving on. My girls have decided they want to have a slutty dress night out. Those of you who know us personally know that we aren't those kinds of girls that wear those dresses you have to keep pulling down at the club. I DON'T EVEN OWN ONE. But I have two newly single ladies in my inner circle, and one not so newly but still single lady (PANG, my sister)... and if these newly founded sluts want to have a night out in some of those dresses- I can suck it up for one night.
I went out and shopped where the sluts shop. I am not a girl with a shape, so finding a dress wasn't easy... but I found one. WITH PLEATHER lol. Yes, you read right. That being said, stay tuned for the follow up blog next month about this night. It's scheduled for the weekend of May 21st. I will post a pic.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saucy With My Daddy
The Robert Carlo concert date arrived. My dad and I took the train down town and at first it was a little weird. I never had to spend alone time with him like this, there was definitely that awkward silence for a moment. I mean, what can I really talk to this man about?
He started to talk to me about stuff going on with his friends and I had a better understanding of the union they shared. I am not really a fan of some of his friends, BIRDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER. They are like him. I don't agree with some of the things they have done but just like my girls are my girls... his boys are his boys.
We arrive at the concert, I offer to buy my dad a drink. I remembered he didn't have time to eat, so I bought him a hot dog as well. Got myself a red wine and headed back to our seat. We were seven rows away from the stage, Roberto Carlo came out and the look on my dads face was one of true content. After a second round of drinks, I was saucy with my dad at a concert. Who would have thought. One song came on that reminded him of my mother and he started to cry.
I didn't know what to do.
So I asked him if he wanted another hot dog...
I also remember farting during the concert and hoping it didn't smell. If it did I was ready to start looking at the lady to my left as if something was wrong with her.
The concert was actually a very nice concert. Live music is always good to me, and the artist is a great one. I am happy I went. That concert is a day I will never forget. It was the first time I hung out with my father and actually had a good time.
Which leads me to my next point.
Ting has his own issues with his father. He hasn't spoken to him in a while and told me that a conversation he had with me about my father had inspired him to take that step to call him one day. We then started talking about my situation again and for the first time ever, I spoke about my father and did not cry.
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