Don't get used to this, I just want to bitch about work...

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Rest Your Head, Dry Your Eyes, Baby You'll Be Alright- Ryan Donn

I have so many things happen that I think are funny enough to blog about and I just don't muster the energy to log on and write. I don't like to write when I am not happy... and obviously, right now I am not too happy.

Again, I hate the fact that all my recent post have become heavy to some degree and are about love and those in it.

Ting- I don't want to like him but I do. I enjoy him a lot. He isn't even my type physically. He is chubby but we have good talks, we laugh, we dance, we have sex- I get my rocks off and he doesn't. That's a whole other post within itself. He told me it has happened with almost every girl he has been with so I don't take too much offense to it. I told him he should go get his rocks off with someone who could keep up with him.
He took offense to this.
I enjoy when he kisses my hand.
I enjoy the way he caresses me when we lay together.
I love the fact that he can't stop kissing me. He wants to kiss all the time.
I catch him starring at me every once in a while. It reminds me of when Fitness used to do that. Remember him?

He is a little sensitive to certain issues, just like any other person that is falling in like with someone. He is a great communicator and likes to talk shit out right then and there. I have been so emotionally out of it that I don't really have the energy to make strong statements. I say what I have to say and keep it moving.


Ex Fiance- I am at a loss with what to do with him. There is no denying that I love him. I love him. I am going to be completely honest with myself. I don't think it will work out because the effort in him is different. He still comes to see me, and we speak EVERY DAY. But we don't go out on dates. He comes over right after work to see me for two hours before he has to run home to let the dogs out.

I can't bash him completely. He does ask me for time but I'm usually at salsa class the days he wants to go out. Salsa is the only thing keeping me sane right now, but I guess I need to skip a few classes if I want to give things with him a fair shot?

He plans on making a career of the military. Me, an army wife?

I refuse to give up until I can say I truly tried this time around. He isn't doing anything wrong, he just hasn't done anything to sweep me off my feet. I am used to him sweeping me off my feet. I think he is at a point where he is trying to settle himself. It is only fair I give him his time to do that. When I needed my time he gave it to me. I ended up dating Fitness, but he gave it to me none the less.

I'm not ready to walk away from him just yet.

Something is not letting me. Not yet.

I still remember the day I met him :)

Wooooo Zaaaah

Funny I just read a blog post about someone wanting to start a new blog because she feels she has blogging constipation.

I get like that when I am not happy.

Unhappy me -> No blog post.

I noticed I don't like to blog about things that are really important. For example, things within my family, the way things are going with the ex fiance, or the NYPD.

Well... Seems I didn't make it into the NYPD January class. Thanks again Bloomberg. You are swell. (I make it a point not to talk politics on this. I will keep my true opinions to myself).

I am going on to two years of this same nonsense, I'm at my breaking point already. I am right for the job and am ready to get my career started. I don't want to be stuck behind a desk- unhappy at a job I don't want. I won't settle. It's not in my nature.

They told me they can't keep cutting academy classes down- I am in there soon... My test number is up already (finally). They are hoping for a big class in July (how many times have I heard this line before).

I feel a void and I KNOW what's missing is my career.

I have applied to federal positions but even they are having freezes, but atleast they don't give false hope. Thanks for keeping it real Department of Justice.

I had the opportunity to have a job with the Department of Environmental Protection as an Officer. I was ready to start the academy, literally, I was just suppose to show up already. I called them up the day before and told them I wouldn't be accepting the offer (because it was far upstate and I was engaged, the ex fiance was working and going to school in the city). I won't lie, I have some resentment when I see myself in this situation. I listened to his mother who said it was unfair to him for me to leave. Let's not get me started on this though, don't want to open up that can of worms.

Wooooo Zaaaaah.

::thinking Salsa, it makes me happy. 1,2,3,5,6,7::
on Monday I find out if I am allowed to join the student dance team for the dance school I am currently attending. FINGERS CROSSED. I was told my dancing is up to par, they just need to find a partner for me.