Rest Your Head, Dry Your Eyes, Baby You'll Be Alright- Ryan Donn

I have so many things happen that I think are funny enough to blog about and I just don't muster the energy to log on and write. I don't like to write when I am not happy... and obviously, right now I am not too happy.

Again, I hate the fact that all my recent post have become heavy to some degree and are about love and those in it.

Ting- I don't want to like him but I do. I enjoy him a lot. He isn't even my type physically. He is chubby but we have good talks, we laugh, we dance, we have sex- I get my rocks off and he doesn't. That's a whole other post within itself. He told me it has happened with almost every girl he has been with so I don't take too much offense to it. I told him he should go get his rocks off with someone who could keep up with him.
He took offense to this.
I enjoy when he kisses my hand.
I enjoy the way he caresses me when we lay together.
I love the fact that he can't stop kissing me. He wants to kiss all the time.
I catch him starring at me every once in a while. It reminds me of when Fitness used to do that. Remember him?

He is a little sensitive to certain issues, just like any other person that is falling in like with someone. He is a great communicator and likes to talk shit out right then and there. I have been so emotionally out of it that I don't really have the energy to make strong statements. I say what I have to say and keep it moving.


Ex Fiance- I am at a loss with what to do with him. There is no denying that I love him. I love him. I am going to be completely honest with myself. I don't think it will work out because the effort in him is different. He still comes to see me, and we speak EVERY DAY. But we don't go out on dates. He comes over right after work to see me for two hours before he has to run home to let the dogs out.

I can't bash him completely. He does ask me for time but I'm usually at salsa class the days he wants to go out. Salsa is the only thing keeping me sane right now, but I guess I need to skip a few classes if I want to give things with him a fair shot?

He plans on making a career of the military. Me, an army wife?

I refuse to give up until I can say I truly tried this time around. He isn't doing anything wrong, he just hasn't done anything to sweep me off my feet. I am used to him sweeping me off my feet. I think he is at a point where he is trying to settle himself. It is only fair I give him his time to do that. When I needed my time he gave it to me. I ended up dating Fitness, but he gave it to me none the less.

I'm not ready to walk away from him just yet.

Something is not letting me. Not yet.

I still remember the day I met him :)

My Public FUCK YOU

Those who know me know I don't have a good relationship with my father.

We both have very strong personalities. He doesn't back down, and I don't back down.

The man is almost impossible to get along with.

I had 7 years I didn't speak to him because when I did- it would turn into a fight, so I cut off all communication... And we lived in the same house.

A few years ago (very recent) I decided- I didn't want him to pass and I am still angry about a lot. So I sat down and spoke to him.

I pleaded my case and said all I want is some sort of apology.

He told me I deserved everything I got.

It took everything in me that day to stand up and walk away without saying anything or crying. But I did it. You would think I would have learned my lesson then.

At one point I thought MAYBE IT IS ME. But I see the relationship my sisters have with him, and the advice my mother gives me and I realize- the guy is just an asshole. Yes, my father = a butt hole.

Yesterday I wanted to sit down with him and tell him about the ex fiance and i- let him know we aren't together so that he doesn't keep complaining that nobody talks to him and he has to find shit out through the grapevine.

My mom suggest I don't do it.

I decide to treat him the way he is requesting and I speak to him.

I sat down and told him that I wanted to talk to him. By now he knows that the ex fiance and I are not together, we were having our differences- he lied about a few things, and it was just not working out.

He asked me if it was over for real.

I said yes.

He then told me not to think I'm going to be running loose that he already noticed I started acting crazy. (I go out too much according to him).

I am giving you the PG version...

I told him I am 25, going out has never gotten in the way of school or work, I have never been in trouble- never came home pregnant... You guys asked for a BA from me and you got it.

Regardless, this conversation isn't about that- I just wanted to address the ex fiance issue with him personally.

To him I say stupid me for even trying... you are the one who gets what you deserve... And not the way he thinks I got what I deserved. When you die a lonely man it is because you have pushed all the ones who know the real you away.