Rest Your Head, Dry Your Eyes, Baby You'll Be Alright- Ryan Donn

I have so many things happen that I think are funny enough to blog about and I just don't muster the energy to log on and write. I don't like to write when I am not happy... and obviously, right now I am not too happy.

Again, I hate the fact that all my recent post have become heavy to some degree and are about love and those in it.

Ting- I don't want to like him but I do. I enjoy him a lot. He isn't even my type physically. He is chubby but we have good talks, we laugh, we dance, we have sex- I get my rocks off and he doesn't. That's a whole other post within itself. He told me it has happened with almost every girl he has been with so I don't take too much offense to it. I told him he should go get his rocks off with someone who could keep up with him.
He took offense to this.
I enjoy when he kisses my hand.
I enjoy the way he caresses me when we lay together.
I love the fact that he can't stop kissing me. He wants to kiss all the time.
I catch him starring at me every once in a while. It reminds me of when Fitness used to do that. Remember him?

He is a little sensitive to certain issues, just like any other person that is falling in like with someone. He is a great communicator and likes to talk shit out right then and there. I have been so emotionally out of it that I don't really have the energy to make strong statements. I say what I have to say and keep it moving.


Ex Fiance- I am at a loss with what to do with him. There is no denying that I love him. I love him. I am going to be completely honest with myself. I don't think it will work out because the effort in him is different. He still comes to see me, and we speak EVERY DAY. But we don't go out on dates. He comes over right after work to see me for two hours before he has to run home to let the dogs out.

I can't bash him completely. He does ask me for time but I'm usually at salsa class the days he wants to go out. Salsa is the only thing keeping me sane right now, but I guess I need to skip a few classes if I want to give things with him a fair shot?

He plans on making a career of the military. Me, an army wife?

I refuse to give up until I can say I truly tried this time around. He isn't doing anything wrong, he just hasn't done anything to sweep me off my feet. I am used to him sweeping me off my feet. I think he is at a point where he is trying to settle himself. It is only fair I give him his time to do that. When I needed my time he gave it to me. I ended up dating Fitness, but he gave it to me none the less.

I'm not ready to walk away from him just yet.

Something is not letting me. Not yet.

I still remember the day I met him :)

I Know Too Much

This wasn't meant to be a blog about my dating life. Actually, I tried to make it a point to NOT make it about just boys but I guess all I have been doing is having fun- while dating.

Today I am going to flip the switch and write about something else that is very important in my life. MY PARENTS.

Usually I will write, and re write a blog but this one I am just winging it. I actually don't even know where to start...

I've always felt that I KNOW TOO MUCH. I love my mother, I've said it before- I have had, since little, an unhealthy attachment to that woman. She is my friend, actually, she is one of my better friends.

I think my mom feels the same about me. I think that sometimes it is hard for her to draw a line between mother and friend ONLY WHEN it comes to talking about her personal business. I feel like I KNOW TOO MUCH.

I've had my differences with my dad. Every fight I have had with him has been because of my inability to back down from something I think is unfair. I have my rights to judge him for what has happened between him and I. Honestly, I have judged him for things I know about him through my mother. I know that I know too much.

But how do you tell your mother, who you can tell is telling you these things because she needs an outlet... "Mom, stop... Maybe I shouldn't know all of this..."

I never said it. And today, I wish I did.
Let me explain...

When the ex fiance and I broke up I moved back home to a hostile situation between my parents. Shortly after moving back my parents "separated" and my mom has been sleeping on a couch in my room. At first I thought this was just one of their shenanigans.

It wasn't.

My mom still sleeps in my room.

My parents talk divorce.
He says my mom has put his personal business out there about problems they've had in the bedroom, and my mom has just had problems with him for years...

My mom suffers from depression and insomnia. I think what has been helping her has been READING.

While at the library, she is at the Spanish books section just flipping through books and finds this book of magic where there is a section about insomnia. She decides to look at a few other books in that genre and finds that a few of them have a insomnia section. She takes 3 out and brings them home.

My dad comes home and finds this. It triggers his curiosity so he looks through all her books and of coarse he finds two more.

He approaches my mom about this, starts to fight to her that he thinks she is into some brujeria. That there is a smell in the house that she refuses to explain (its a glade plug in... and she refuses to tell him what or where it is because then he will remove it), and then he finds these books.

My mom and him start going back and forth about snooping through each others shit, and a bunch of other things.

I am in the bathroom getting ready for an event while this is happening and I start to get that feeling of anxiety so I shut the door and put the music up. Pang is in our bedroom and she does the complete opposite, she lowers the music so she could hear better lol.

Anyway, my mom comes up to me today and asks me if I heard what happened yesterday. I smirk and say yes. She goes on to repeat the entire argument as she saw it and tells me that at night she was thinking that once he told her that he thinks someone did some brujeria (witchery) to him. After he saw that book that maybe he thinks the reason why he is IMPOTENT is because she was the one who did it to him.

MY HEART DROPPED, I tried not to react to what I was hearing.

I kind of wish I didn't know. I know that I know too much.

He Put His Name On The Card

I know you are all probably thinking WHAT ABOUT SCARF?

Scarf... Here is the latest:

My moms birthday was rolling around. I was planning a very intimate surprise gathering for her and decided against cake. I opted for Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake. Being that I live in the city, there are no Cheesecake Factory's in the city, and I don't have a car, I was either going to have to haul ass or ask for a favor.

I asked for the favor and Scarf was at the receiving end.

He agreed to pick up the cheesecake for me. Awesome!

He is very creative and asked me if I wanted him to spice it up a bit. I told him he could do his thing. He tells me he made a card to go along with it that says its from In My World I Rock and Scarf, and asked if that was ok.

nice right?

this wasn't the original product but it was the only one I could find without the card with our names or any family members in it.

It wasn't a big deal to me UNTIL...Out of courtesy I ask how much do I owe him. He says "it's more but just give me $50". I was taken a back because I honestly didn't think he would charge me. He hands me the receipt from the cheesecake factory and I realize the things I ordered just came out to a total of an estimated $30. Meaning he charged me for all the extra things he spent on making it pretty... Which is cool. It's my moms birthday, I won't cry over spending money on her, and it's just $20 but it is the principle he PUT HIS NAME ON THE CARD!

WTF

3 days later we are at a salsa social. We didn't arrive together and I kind of don't like my personal business out there in that scene so I keep it low key. He on the other hand kisses me hello, good bye, and always sits to chit chat <- which is cool.

I'm sitting alone, minding my business when he comes to me and says "whenever you have time during the week, we need to talk" and walks away.

This shit made me feel like when I was 10 and my mom would tell me "tenemos que hablar". You know that meant nothing good. She would never warn me about talking about anything good.

I decided he wasn't going to keep me wondering until we both had time to talk. It was a busy week for the both of us so it was going to be at least 6 days before that would happen. I told him we could step outside and speak then. Sometimes I just wish I would let things be.

We sat in his car and he basically confessed how much he likes me and how I make him feel.

He hasn't felt this way about a girl since his ex girlfriend (his last and only love). He can tell I sometimes hold back and he doesn't know what to make of that. If I don't want to kiss him I don't have to but he is human and if he isn't something I want I need to let him know so he can let it be what it is.

I explained why I it is I am not affectionate at the socials, and that he knows that right now I am not ready for exclusivity (he doesn't know how I feel about the ex fiance and he doesn't need to know), but I do enjoy him and spending time with him. I always have had a good time. He was content with this response.

He further explained that he is very proud to walk with me and he is lucky to get to know me and be the one to be with me. Then he told me, in non perverted words, that his penis won't be able to act like a gentleman much longer around me.

Hehe.

Other then that... Everything with him has been smoooooth sailing but obviously, if you read the post below this one, I still have some unresolved love for the Ex Fiance.

God is good... God is great... blah blah... AMEN

Hello blog world.

I had a previous blog but decided to start a new one because the boyfriend knew about it. The stuff I have to write about I don't want him to read. For blog purposes we will change his name to HIM.

This specific blog is not about what happened with HIM- or any other romances going on in my life. I decided to make my first blog on this page a positive one, you know- start off on the right foot (I know you ladies want the juice... but suck it up and bare with me).

This year I turned 25. In the last few months I have experienced deceit, heartache, betrayal... you know, the kind of shit that happens in life (blog topic). Since the New Year good stuff has happened as well... and I do not need it to be thanksgiving to say THANKS.

• I have my health. THANKS ::check::


• I have said that before I pass I want to travel the world- I went to Ireland for three weeks and that could not have come at a better time. Ireland is beautiful and I needed to get away. Expensive but worth it ::check::


• I am going to get surgery to see better because I do not like to wear glasses. I am going to have to sacrifice extra spending to be able to pay up but fuck it- I WANT SIGHT. I am grateful I have the option to do this. THANKS ::check::


• My mother, this should have been top on the list. Talking about my love for her is like 3 separate blogs so I will just say THANKS for my mom. ::check::


• My family period. My moms side of the family I am very close to and I love those crazy fucks. My dads side I only keep in touch with the cool cousins lol- which sometimes I think are just as crazy as my moms side of the family. THANKS ::check::


• I am grateful that through this recession I have not suffered as bad as I could have (I might have just jinxed myself). I have a roof over my head, I am never hungry, I still have been able to buy myself things- maybe not as much as before but I keep them shoes a-coming. ::check::


• MY GIRLS. Holy shit. When I tell you that through thick and thin these girls have always had my back, they have picked up the mess that other people have left me in... and do it with a smile on their faces. We put ourselves in funny situations, and laugh about it after- or even during. Male bashing sessions are the best. Words of encouragement are never a failure with them and unconditional support has been proven. I love you guys so much :*). Enough with the mushy shit. THANKS for my girls. ::check::


• Not to sound conceded but some people think I am pretty and I will never take that for granted. Sometimes I don't see it lol but THANKS to everyone who pays those compliments. I do know I have nice eyes and I will say thank you to anyone who compliments them no matter how many times they say it. I guess I like my smile too because I have nightmares about having bad teeth. So ummm THANKS for the physical appearance. ::check::


• I have not worked since November and at the begining I was bummed but I am sad to admit I am liking not working, I can do whatever I want! I have chosen to travel, volunteer, spend more time with the dogs, go to the gym, party like I am 18, and I look forward to doing more productive things with my time as an unemployed individual. Free time, THANKS... ::check::

I am pretty sure I have more to be grateful for but this will have to do for now. Hasta luego! I promise the good shit is coming soon.