Just a Thank You with Regrets

Incase you wanted a good laugh:

I was looking through my scrap book of my road trip and decided to send Scarf a message (since he deleted me off of everything lol). Here is how it played out: (I am in green, he is in brown)

Hey mambo Scarf



I was looking through my scrap book and just wanted to say thank you for the experience. :)


Hope all is well.
In My World I ROCK

It was an experience for sure. Its not everyday that a trip like that presents itself. It is humbling at times. Not sure what you got out of it at the end....thats yours and yours alone to determine. A trip of a lifetime...not many people get an opportunity to get to see America like that. I have been fortunate enough to do it three times...who knows, maybe i'll get motivated to do it again someday.



Treasure it. Its special to see the things that you did in such a short period of time.
Scarf

I know not many people get a chance to do that and I got to do it because of you, so thank you. I appreciate it and haven't taken it for granted.

I'll be honest, weeks prior, I struggled with going on the trip with you. (You may have sensed that and you may had thoughts of reconsidering yourself). We both had several chances to change our minds.


I decided to go thru with it becasue I typically commit to things even whend I am not absolutely sure if its the right thing to do. Everything was telling me to call it off....who knows, maybe I should have...but, that's the past. I learned alot about myself and about you on the road. I wouldn't go as far to say that I regret the trip or that it was one big effing mistake, but I will certainly learn from this experience. I will take what I can from it and appreciate the fact that I can and could do it.
Scarf

Lol obviously you have your issues with the situation. If you regret it, or had second thoughts about it that is fine. I am comfortable in knowing I didn't do you wrong. You have a right to own your feelings though, so if you have any negative emotions those are yours to own. With that said, I was still grateful for the experience.

LMAO. Its not a matter have having issues...its a matter of should I have taken someone across the country with me that I just didn't know that well and the fact we had a fallling out just before the trip. How is that an issue? Its a legit concern. But again....I had the final decision and said, what the fuck...lets just do this and see what happens. No hard feelings IMWIR...I am not busting your chops about it...just wanted to share with you how I felt about it since we haven't talked since the trip. It was actually funny....come to think of it.



Lets just leave it at that....your grateful.

Lol yes I am.



Take care Scarf.
 
Just like him, his attitude is getting old lol.

A Hello MIGHT Have Killed Him

OH. MY. GOD.

Yes, I had to start the post off by saying that.
THIS MAN CEASES TO AMAZE ME.
Who else do you think I am speaking of?
Take a wild guess...

...


...


...

...

....................................

I get to the salsa party at the Empire State building (this should be your first clue as to who I am referring to), everyone and their mother is at this party. It is packed! Hard to walk, even more difficult to dance in. I make my way through the crowd greeting everyone I know along the way when I stumble upon a large group of people I know.

I stop completely to say my hello's. I am introduced to some people I have never formally met and there stands Scarf.

I know how to be civil, especially in such an adult environment. I said hello to everyone there. Everyone there knows Scarf and I are friends, they have seen us speak and dance before. The correct thing to do is to acknowledge the fact that he is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

In My World I ROCK: "Hey Scarf"
Scarf : rolls his eyes and gives me the "whats up" head bop without even looking at me.

This saggy skin, bad breath, balding 40 year old man needs to stop his shit. Seriously. I will no longer make the effort to be civil with him. I will treat him the way he wants to be treated, like he does not exist.

I have done NOTHING to him- I seriously do not understand... and I will stop trying to understand.

Scarves Are STILL Seasonal

Guess who called to apologize for his behavior yesterday...
Oh yes he did.

He said he is sorry for they way he has been acting, he knows it might have been immature "you know" (Pang gets it).

I let him know that he was being immature. I don't know what he is going through so I cannot really judge (his mom is really sick so that might have been stressing him out, plus a few other family problems) but I have not done anything to receive this treatment from somebody twice my age. I wasn't catering to it so I just smiled it off. I accepted his apology and wished him good luck with his family.

The End

Scarves Are SEASONAL

HIS SEASON IS UP!

I was not even going to blog about this but this made me laugh, made my mom laugh, and I am pretty sure it might make you chuckle.

If you read my previous post you know that Scarf has opted OUT of this friendship.He was being short with me before I even found out he decided being my friend was not his cup of tea (apparently, I have nothing but looks... according to him)... I already knew if I ever saw him again it would be interesting. He did not disappoint.

Today he calls me and asks me if I will be home in an hour, he will be in the city and wanted to drop my stuff off.
I told him if I am not home, my mom will be so to swing by anyway. He request that I be there to make sure everything I need is there. We arrange a time and that was that.

He calls me when he arrives and I go outside. He walks out of his car as I approach (doesn't even look at me). I am already smiling to help myself from laughing... He opens his trunk and gives me his back, this entire time he has a serious face on. I pick up the box (without looking at his direction either, two can play this game), say thank you, and start to walk off.
I had forgotten my Dominican flag, he takes out of his trunk and says "here!" and hands it to me a little aggressively (mind you, both my hands are occupied carrying the box). I flex my fingers on the bottom that are holding the bottom of the box and take the flag.

The entire time we didn't make eye contact or say anything but "thank you" and "here". Some one watching this would have thought we were going through a bitter divorce or something, obviously him being the bitter one because I had a smile on my face the entire time.

Lord knows what I have done to this man. Maybe he has access to this blog and I don't know about it but I have not written anything that is not true here. Besides, this blog is titled MY SIDE OF THE STORY, if he is bitter and wants to tell his side he can start his own blog.

It's winter, it's cold, but people have made it without scarves for many many years. I can live without this behavior. So many clues were there, thankfully this time I actually paid attention.

Trimming the Fat

New Year... Time to TRIM THE FAT! Scarf... remember him?

Well, after the trip I've hit him up out of courtesy, basic "hey, how are you doing? Did you make it safe?" type stuff and I would get very short answers like "Yes, I am fine. You'll get you're stuff next week".
Ummm... I didn't even ask for my things but thanks for letting me know when I will get them.

This goes on a few times...

New Years Day arrives. I decide to go on his FB wall and say Happy New Year. I search every name and he isn't on it. Just to double check before I die of laughter at what is going on I go to a mutual friends page and see that they are still friends. I click his name and surely he deleted me.

SERIOUSLY?!

My message to him titled UH OH LOL on FB reads:
seriously??? Scarf, I have no idea what was done for me to receive short answers- and to be removed from your FB.FB isn't a big deal... I just don't think that anything I've done has been that bad to the point for you to react this way.We are both adults... I don't mind that we don't continue a friendship, I'll get over it but thanks for the good talks. See you sometime next week.

His response (my side comments are in parenthesis):
IMWIR, I can't say its anything that you did or said. It more of a poor judgement choice on my part. Like I said, I didn't quite know why i found myself liking you so much. The more I thought about it, it probably came down to I just found you attractive and really had very little to go on from there (pfffffft). FB, i removed not only you, but quite a few others too. To me, FB should be for friends that I want to interact with and keep up with. I know I will be seeing you out at salsa venues and feel that is good enough for me. I know you don't mind continuing being friends, and sure getting over it is not a problem for you. The trip certainly opened my eyes to who I need to focus my time and energy on. You got a great trip out of it, you made some new friends. I know this whole thing is NOT a big deal to you, which is WHY i did not make any attempt, (until now) to explain or discuss it with you. I've felt for quite some time, that our friendship wasn't a "big deal." So, no hard feelings.

My response:
I'll keep this brief. My friendship with you was a big deal... What I couldn't deal with (and its not just with you, its with anyone at this point) was a relationship. I can respect everything you just said, thank you for even responding.
Hasta Luego,
In My World I Rock

For him to say that it was just a physical attraction and nothing else after all that shit he told me is Bull. I think it was just an ego blow (maybe) that he got shut down by someone he liked (twice, he fell for this girl in Vegas who wasn't feeling him like that either).

He knows how I feel about the Ex Fiance and knows that is the only person at the moment I am willing to get into anything serious until I meet someone who I am willing to take the chance on. He isn't it.

For a 40 year old man he sure has some childish tendencies. From the phone call about the guy kissing on my neck (which didn't happen), to then saying that he was just using that as a bridge to ask me what was up with us after he saw how bothered I got by this high school behavior, to kicking his charger because it wasn't working (Pang and I got some good laughs out of this one)... and a few other things Pang can attest to.

Honestly, after this trip and seeing what he is like, he is right- I don't think we should remain good friends... and I wasn't trying to be his best friend BUT to just completely wipe each other out of our lives like there was some wrong doing I think is a little excessive. But there is Scarf for ya.

Womp Womp POMP!

OH JESUS where do I begin with this one...

If you ever want to get to know someone, spend two weeks in a car with them.
Scarf and I literally spent 24 hours of the day together. No, we didn't have sex- he had a conversation with me about this before we even went on the road trip (whew). This is how the conversation came about and it should have been my first clue to what I would have to be dealing with.

He sends me a text (remember, this is before the trip) while I was sleeping to please give him a call when I have the time. I call him as soon as I see that message. He goes on to tell me that a friend of his called him to ask him if he was still going on this trip with me because she had seen me with a guy earlier that week at a salsa party and the guy was kissing on my neck. (This did NOT happen, I am a very private person when it comes to salsa). If this would have been true then I would have fessed up but who the hell is going around making shit up about me? ARE WE IN THE FIFTH GRADE???

I thought about not even catering to this, which is what I should have done... But he kept talking about it and said if I had something with someone else to just tell him. I told him it is no ones business if I am having someone kiss on my neck... no one in Salsa knows I was hanging out with him like that and I did that for a reason. I asked him to do the same to avoid shit like this but apparently he couldn't. He said he never told her but she just put two and two together when he told her I was going on this trip alone with him. THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HER THAT?

1. He then goes on to speak about what is going on with him and I. I tell him I am not ready for anything serious with him and I refuse to deal with this kind of elementary bull, so it's best if we just remain friends.
   This is the very short version of what happened. During the road trip he brings it up AGAIN. Sweet Jesus, give me patience.
   He likes to twist things around to make himself look alright. He noticed I kept getting bothered by the bull shit of having a girl call him with this "he said she said" shit. I told him he is a 40 year old man, I don't know why am I dealing with this kind of stuff with a man twice my age, after I said this he changes his story a little bit that the phone call wasn't a big deal, he was using it as a bridge to ask me about us. I began to even wonder if that phone call even happened.
   He is POMPOUS. Brags about money to other people, talks about how he has money to me all the time. I was kind of tired hearing him talk about money. He will twist the truth so that he comes out looking okay, Ex:
   
   We were in a car with another guy in the passenger seat. I was sitting in the back seat. The passenger was giving him directions and he points to the left and says "turn left". Scarf turns right. We all ask him what is he doing and he says "you said turn right", we all correct him and say he said left. Scarf then goes "oh, I meant he said left and pointed right so I followed his hand." We all had this confused look on our faces, and I KNOW he pointed left but the little man cannot admit he made a mistake in this case so we let it go.
   
2. A guy from a tattoo shop had wanted to hang out but did not want to go out clubbing. So he told me to invite everyone over to his house, he has a hot tub and a pool table with a bar in his basement. I told everyone but we did not end up going. The night I was in the hotel room throwing up my In-n-Out french fries he makes a comment to my sister about how I give out my number to anyone and mocks me wanting to hang out with the guy from the shop and that the guy probably did not even invite us all. He said that I probably said we all have to come.I called him out on this the next day and he then says he is offended because he thought him and Pang were friends. That he meant it as a joke and there was no need for her to bring that up. OH REALLY?



3. We were in a cab in Denver, the total was 6 bucks. He hands he guy a 5o dollar bill but the cabbie does not have change for that, he had just started his shift. Scarf asks him what kind of cab is he that carries no change. The cab responds that business isn't good and that he JUST STARTED HIS SHIFT. He asks Scarf if he has anything smaller, Scarf says no, he is from NY and people from New York and with money don't carry anything smaller then a 50. PFFFT. They get into it and the cab tells him there is no need to argue, they will find a solution. I had enough of hearing this so I tell the cab I am a poor New Yorker so I have a $10. I gave it to him, apologized and got out of the cab.



4. Another time he was checking in and I waited in the car , the valet guy had to move it to make way for other cars and we had a brief conversation. He asked me where I am from, I told him NY. He asked what were we in town for and if it was my first time, I told him it was my second and I was there with my friend for dancing- he responds "oh I thought that was your boyfriend". I tell him no, he is just a friend... he says bye and that was that.Once we are in our room Scarf says "the valet guy was giving me props, asking me where did I get such a pretty girlfriend" (he is saying this in a very Scarf way, Pang knows what I am talking about) and I tell him, without even looking at him "he knows I am not your girlfriend". I turn around and he is just looking caught. Then he says "he asked you?! he isn't suppose to be asking you things like that."



5. When that whole thing with Pang and the tattoo artist happened he woke me up to ask me if he should cancel the Cirque tickets because one thing he does not mess around with is money. Those tickets were expensive (they were alright, he bragged about them like they were the best seats in the house) and if we aren't going to be his friend that he doesn't need to spend his money. Or something along those lines. ARE YOU SERIOUS... AGAIN?!

He wasn't all bad all the time... but I saw a side of him that I know I could NOT live with. I am glad Pang got to see it as well because I started to think I was crazy for seeing this ALL THE TIME.

Besides that- I had a great time, there was never an awkward moment. He was a great host, he knew where he was going and I just had to sit back and relax :)

Viva Las Wegas

Its Friday Morning in Vegas as I write this...
Thursday is little Friday and we treated it as such.
Let me begin...

We went salsa dancing at this hole in the wall spot (there is a big Rodeo something in town and all the big salsa places were closed so we had to find the local places). It was cool, no one there really knew how to dance. Let the drinking begin there. I only had one shot of Cuervo. I was too full from dinner to drink again.

On our way back to the hotel we stop by a Walgreens and buy necessities for the drinks- club soda, and juices. Next door is a liquour store that looks closed. When I am done at Walgreens I get in the car with Scarf and tell him we need to go to the liqour store. He responds in a dry tone and looking at me "its closed". I asked if he checked and he said yes. I go back into Walgreens to get my sister Pang and the other salsa dancer that came with us (we will call him Mr. Rican because he is Puerto Rican).

We go back to the hotel and I decide that before we head upstairs I'm going to ask if there is a liqour store walking distance. The man directs me and Pang and I go on our way. It was chilly so I had to lend Pang my jacket. We walk up to the same effin liqour store, GOOD JOB SCARF! I get the cherry flavored Vodka and walk back.

When I arrive to the room Scarf is standing there looking dumbfounded at the fact that we found liqour. He asks where I get it and I told him the truth, at the exact same liqour store he told me was closed. He notices I'm bothered and says sorry, he didn't know. (Pls remember he told me he checked).

Mr. Rican comes in, Pang and I are getting ready in the bathroom and I hear Scarf telling Jim how I came in pissed that I had to walk to the liqour store. NO, that's not the reason I was bothered... I was bothered because I know he didn't check and told me he did. Mr. Rican says how nice it was for us to have gone and asks Scarf if he thanked us. He tells him yes (which he didn't), then walks in the bathroom 10 mins later while I am putting on my make up and says thank you. I decided to brush the situation off- I'm in Vegas and with other people.
Off we go to Tao. Long story short... Mr. Rican and Pang end up kissing a few times, I had red panties with a purple dress on and I was dancing so carelessly I think a few ppl saw my underwear (talk about classy), I was sippin on Vodka on the rocks, we lost Scarf a few times... AND

I ended up making friends with this security guard who tells me that my sister and I could go to VIP. I tell him we are salsa dancers from New York and we had a show at the Tropicana the day before and are guest instructors for a few classes on Saturday. I explained the two guys we were with were our salsa partners and we couldn't go in without them because that would be rude and thanked him for the offer. I need to stop reading Chelsea Handler's book. I kept telling people my sisters name was Ana (those of you who know me personally know her name is NOT Ana...)

Our friend Mr. Rican, being the salsa dancer that he is, is spinning to music and knocks down the phone of a passing security guard (who happened to be the boss) and he immediately gives the sign to escort him. A few guards come and tell us we can stay but he has to go. They know it was an honest mistake and no one was being hostile- none of us were being sloppy drunks, but the power hungry little asian had to feel important... We didn't fight it (it was already 3:30 am and were literally planning on leaving like 10 mins later) and so we walked out.

I looked at the pictures this morning and couldn't stop cracking up, especially since I don't remember posing for half of them. GOOD TIMES!

I AM ALREADY IN NY AS I WRITE THIS NEXT PART

The next day we decide to go to In-n-Out because Mr. Rican just couldn't get enough. I am a vegeterian but I decide to take one for the team and order a side of French Fries.

I spent the rest of the night throwing up greasy french fries. I literally saw the grease bubbles in the toilet water. It was disgusting. They all went to the hotel club TRYST where Scarf's company apparently had a hard time standing up lol. (A blog about Scarf coming soon)

Saturday night we went to see the show Mystere (cirque du soliel). It was great. We were so tired though we ended up staying in that night.

So Vegas wasn't too crazy- one of us got kicked out the club, and one of us threw up so I guess we did what people do in Vegas lol.

Grand Canyon Lovin' Preview

I don't feel like doing too much writing about this so I will copy and paste a conversation I had on gmail with one of my best friends Break Dancer. Ladies, he is the shit.

Participants:-------------In My World I ROCK (IMWIR) , Break Dancer
Messages:---------
Break Dancer: Word! I hate itttttttt
IMWIR : Me too. I don't think anyone likes being broke
IMWIR: Yo so u want to hear the latest
Break Dancer: Tell me lol
IMWIR: I went to sleep over Scarfs house
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : Where do I begiiiiin
Break Dancer First time?
IMWIR: Sleeping over, no- the first time I slept over was the night I THREW UP
IMWIR : Remember my blog
Break Dancer: Ooooh yea haha
IMWIR : K
IMWIR : So...
IMWIR : That time nothing happened cuz... Well... I was throwing up.
Break Dancer: Right
IMWIR: In short: 1-he is a horrible intense kisser (but okay when it isn't a heated kiss)... But great orally... 2- we didn't have sex because he told me he wants to wait until the grand canyon BUT he has a small package... 3- I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance.
Break Dancer: Woah
Break Dancer: Hold on
Break Dancer: Take it back lol
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : To which one
Break Dancer: 1 you are just figuring out now he's a bad intense kisser like u say?
IMWIR : No
IMWIR: Wait
Break Dancer: Oooh ok
Anel : I said he is an okay kisser but you know when things get intense... Sometimes the kiss changes
Break Dancer: Lol yea
Break Dancer: Yo i'm laughing here
IMWIR: So he is horrible at the but when he is kissing anything that isn't my lips its great
Break Dancer: Hahahha
Break Dancer: Lmao
IMWIR : Lol
IMWIR : Jesus
Break Dancer: So a man that wants to wait? That's strange
Break Dancer: Also about his little problem. Tell him to try one of those pills on tv. Maybe it will work lol
IMWIR : I'm not telling him shit
IMWIR : After the road trip it won't matter
Break Dancer: Why?
IMWIR : I am still in love with the ex fiance.
Break Dancer : So after the trip u are going to dead scarf?
IMWIR : I don't know what to do
IMWIR : I enjoy him
IMWIR : And I know I'll have fun on this trip and its fucked up of me to go on this trip and accept all his dates knowing my heart is somewhere else.

*END CONVO*

Jesus how fuckeD up am I?

I really do enjoy Scarf but being in bed with him... didn't feel right.
When I was with Fitness I didn't mind being in bed with him at all.
How fucked up is it of me to think- thank god he wants to wait until the Grand Canyon, that's half way through the trip and the other 4 days my sister Pang will be sharing a room with us in Vegas! Then we have just 3 days.

I almost deleted that last bit because I felt THAT HORRIBLE writing it... but what's this blog for if I have to censor it?

Who knows- hopefully I come back from this trip and have to EAT MY WORDS because his intentions are super sweet. He wants me to dress up for a photo shoot in my elegant dresses in the Grand Canyon- he is bringing his professional camera for this.

He is booking a bunch of fun activities like a helicopter ride in the Grand Canyon, rock climbing, seeing shows...

Although, I probably won't be getting much sleep on this trip. HE SNORES.

It's 4:30. No, really... It is.

I Have to start off by saying LET'S GO YANKEES! Congrats on the 2009 World Series Win

Moving on...

Things IMWIR strongly dislikes:

• Soggy Cereal
• Wet Clothes
• The train during rush hour
• Waking up to an alarm clock
• Being rushed

I had plans to meet Scarf at 3 p.m. There was no hot water (I should have added cold showers to the list of dislikes) at home so he pushed plans back to 3:30 to give me time to find a solution to this very big problem.
We finally get hot water and I'm getting ready when I get a phone call at 2:24 p.m... Its Scarf.

Scarf: Heeeey, what are you doing?

IMWIR: We just got hot water so I just hopped out the shower.

Scarf: Oh, well... IM HERE!

::silence::

IMWIR: ummm okay cool- you're early, I need a few minutes to get ready.

Scarf: Ok. How much time do you need?

(This is where I start to get bothered, you said 3:30 and are pressuring me for time when you are AN HOUR early. As I said before, I strongly dislike being rushed).

IMWIR: Another 20 minutes.

Scarf: I'll be getting coffee, see you in 20.

I get another call at 2:52

Its Scarf.

Scarf: Hey...

IMWIR: Yessss....

Scarf: what's up? What's your status?

IMWIR: (a little dry) I'll be out in 10 minutes.
This is so unlike him, he is such a chill dude, why is he being so damn persistent when he is super early and he was the one who offered to push the time back an extra half hour?

I don't know where we are going or what we are doing. We drive to Columbus Circle, put the car in the garage and walk towards Central Park.

All the horse and carriages are on the side and I comment on how I would love to own a horse and although the rides are nice, I hate to see them so restricted and tied up.

Scarf: oh, well... Surprise! We are going for a horse and carriage ride around central park. They are closing the stables soon so these are their last weeks.

Talk about putting my foot in my mouth!! It was a good ride, very romantic.

On our walk back he asks me for the time.

IMWIR: It's 4:30

Scarf: No it isn't.

I scramble in my purse for my phone. I check the time on that.

IMWIR: yes it is.

Scarf: that's impossible. It can't be.

I start to think maybe we are running late for something...

Scarf: I picked you up at 4:30... That's why I was rushing you, I wanted to do this before the sun went down.

IMWIR: no, u were in the heights at 2:30 and we left a little after 3.
This entire time he went by the time in his car and was an hour early. Damn this day light savings.

After, we went to Hummus in Hells Kitchen- and I must say the food was impressive. To end off the night he met up with me after dance school to dance a few salsa songs and off we went to meet up with my older sister Pang to watch the World Series.
Needless to say, to end a perfect date- the YANKS won the World Series.

IN NEW YORK THEY SMOKE PHILLIES.

Earlier today Scarf and I were emailing back and forth- he sent me some of the pics from yesterday's date. I responded thanking him again, and here goes his response:

That was cool and what I considered, "simple romance." In short, planning days like that is a reflection of how I feel about you. I want effortless, unique and fun experiences with you. There is nothing like seeing a smile on your face. :)

He Put His Name On The Card

I know you are all probably thinking WHAT ABOUT SCARF?

Scarf... Here is the latest:

My moms birthday was rolling around. I was planning a very intimate surprise gathering for her and decided against cake. I opted for Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake. Being that I live in the city, there are no Cheesecake Factory's in the city, and I don't have a car, I was either going to have to haul ass or ask for a favor.

I asked for the favor and Scarf was at the receiving end.

He agreed to pick up the cheesecake for me. Awesome!

He is very creative and asked me if I wanted him to spice it up a bit. I told him he could do his thing. He tells me he made a card to go along with it that says its from In My World I Rock and Scarf, and asked if that was ok.

nice right?

this wasn't the original product but it was the only one I could find without the card with our names or any family members in it.

It wasn't a big deal to me UNTIL...Out of courtesy I ask how much do I owe him. He says "it's more but just give me $50". I was taken a back because I honestly didn't think he would charge me. He hands me the receipt from the cheesecake factory and I realize the things I ordered just came out to a total of an estimated $30. Meaning he charged me for all the extra things he spent on making it pretty... Which is cool. It's my moms birthday, I won't cry over spending money on her, and it's just $20 but it is the principle he PUT HIS NAME ON THE CARD!

WTF

3 days later we are at a salsa social. We didn't arrive together and I kind of don't like my personal business out there in that scene so I keep it low key. He on the other hand kisses me hello, good bye, and always sits to chit chat <- which is cool.

I'm sitting alone, minding my business when he comes to me and says "whenever you have time during the week, we need to talk" and walks away.

This shit made me feel like when I was 10 and my mom would tell me "tenemos que hablar". You know that meant nothing good. She would never warn me about talking about anything good.

I decided he wasn't going to keep me wondering until we both had time to talk. It was a busy week for the both of us so it was going to be at least 6 days before that would happen. I told him we could step outside and speak then. Sometimes I just wish I would let things be.

We sat in his car and he basically confessed how much he likes me and how I make him feel.

He hasn't felt this way about a girl since his ex girlfriend (his last and only love). He can tell I sometimes hold back and he doesn't know what to make of that. If I don't want to kiss him I don't have to but he is human and if he isn't something I want I need to let him know so he can let it be what it is.

I explained why I it is I am not affectionate at the socials, and that he knows that right now I am not ready for exclusivity (he doesn't know how I feel about the ex fiance and he doesn't need to know), but I do enjoy him and spending time with him. I always have had a good time. He was content with this response.

He further explained that he is very proud to walk with me and he is lucky to get to know me and be the one to be with me. Then he told me, in non perverted words, that his penis won't be able to act like a gentleman much longer around me.

Hehe.

Other then that... Everything with him has been smoooooth sailing but obviously, if you read the post below this one, I still have some unresolved love for the Ex Fiance.

FYI: Girls Poop Too

To go or not to go?

I plan on writing a few of these but I decided to make the first one a little interesting. My neighbor has been dating her guy 9 years and she refuses to fart in front of him.

I think that is ridiculous. Whoever I am with is going to have to know I pass gas. After 9 years, we better be comfortable with each others stink.

Farting almost goes hand in hand with taking a dump. Something Scarf said stood out about how brave he thought I was when he thought I was taking a shit (when in reality I was throwing up) and he admired that because some girls will come up with some weird excuses to leave when they have to release.

How have you broken the ice, if ever?

Every new guy means a new experience, and having to do this all over again. Here goes how I've handled a few of mine.

El Difunto:He had his own apartment. I never lived with him but would stay over from time to time. He had a stand up shower that fit ONE person so taking a shower together was not an option. I would turn on the shower and handle my business and just pray that it didn't smell.

Ex Fiance: We went on a weekend trip to Montreal 2 months and change after we started dating. While in the shower I thought I could let one go without him hearing it. It sounded like a quacking duck and HE HEARD IT! You better believe after that situation all shyness went away. He has been the one I have been most open to about my body functions.

Scarf: He doesn't know yet but during one of my throw up sessions I took a shit. It was one of those "I've been throwing up for hours and can't deal with holding it in" things so I just went. He was sleeping.But we have this road trip coming up. We will be together for over 2 weeks, I'm pretty sure I will have to let him know I GOTTA GO.

Fitness: When I would stay over I would use it while he went to go get breakfast outside.Any other time with other guys I never really stayed over to the point where I couldn't hold it until I got home.

Pls feel free to share one of your boys and #2 bathroom experiences.

Pizza, Pente, and Patron

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't know why I allow myself to get into these types of situations.

One day Mother Theresa asked me where do I find these guys and what is it that I do to them?
I do NOTHING. I am myself, I know I can be sassy sometimes and I don't hide that. My facial expressions do not lie, they speak louder then my words do so if something is bothering me, I dislike something, or am uncomfortable they know.

I had plans to have a Friday night in with Scarf at his apartment for pizza, patron, and pente. I walk into his house and this is what I find:

Yes... I had to take a picture. I am thinking I was going to find pizza in a box, not this!

We sit down and have white wine and pizza. I had two glasses.

After dinner, we start to play pente. The deal is, you loose you take a shot. Here is where the problem lies:

• We were sipping while we played
• I kept loosing
• Previously I had two glasses of white wine

I am getting nauseous just writing this.

After Pente we start talking about my family (a.k.a. my dad). I teared up talking to him about certain things, ok fuck it, I cried. He opened up about a few things but said he wanted to save that for our trip. I excused myself and went to the restroom. When I sat down on the toilet I realized... I NEED TO GET BETTER AT PENTE. The shit kicked in.

I went back to the couch where he was laying down waiting for me. I laid next to him and felt my breathing get heavy. I already knew, I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

I spent a good 15 minutes throwing up before he started to get worried, at first he thought I was taking a shit but then he didn't hear any pushing.

When I throw up from drinking I need to be left where I am. I cannot move. When he knocked and I instructed him to come that's exactly where he found me. I was laid out in front of his toilet. When I get like that I get some smellllllly gas and I was just hoping he didn't smell it. It was so bad I am pretty sure he did though.

I started to throw up at 11:30. He was there the entire time. He tried to get me to go to the bed but I told him I needed to be left where I was, with my head in the toilet. I laid down and he brought me a pillow and a blanket. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor, I just remember sitting up and throwing up from time to time. I woke up once and remember thinking damn, I've been on this bathroom floor a while, I lift my head up to see what's going on around me and see Scarf sleeping sitting up on the bathroom floor.

I tell him to go, that I will be okay and he told me no. I felt bad so I threw up once more and STUMBLED my way to his couch. He lives in a studio apt so his bed is right behind the couch. He brings me a pillow and covers me and lays down on the other side of the couch where HE DOES NOT FIT. I tell him to go to bed again and he tells me no, he wants to be close to me.

WTF

I told him at the moment I couldn't move and to go, I will join him when I can. He didn't listen.

I got up to throw up again and on my way back I went for the bed instead of the couch. I woke up a few more times to throw up and he was very aware. I didn't realize until I woke up at 11 a.m. but he went to sleep in his button down and jeans. He said he didn't want to be disrespectful. Pft. I took my bra off in the middle of my sleep and flinged it somewhere, he had to look for it when I was getting dressed. I am pretty sure he thought he would have to be looking for my bra under different circumstances.

I asked him where does he keep his cleaning supplies, obviously I needed to disinfect that toilet. HE BEAT ME TO IT. He had already done it while I was sleeping. NICE.

He brought me home, the entire car ride he just laid my seat back and held my hand. We sat in complete silence and he didn't mind. I told him to put music on, eh said he didn't want to disturb me, for me not to worry and just rest.

Here I have Scarf- and I am liking it... And the ex-fiance waiting for his own return so we can try to fix things, and I love him. WOMP.

Cold Rain

Things have been on the up and up with Scarf. Totally unexpected, I didn't want to like anyone right now because I still have something for the Ex Fiance. I don't know what to call what I still have for him. I still love him very much, I care about him, and I get excited when I speak to him. (I am still very much aware of the troubles we had and his family).


Scarf is so easy to spend time with, and he's got his shit TOGETHER. I'm not talking money, I mean everything. He has got himself together. Hanging out with him is so worry free and I really enjoy that.

I had gone hosiery shopping for my Halloween costume. I needed a specific type and wasn't finding it anywhere. I spent 3 hours going from store to store looking. Scarf suggested I go to Loehmann's, according to him they usually have everything (I had never been to the store). The next day, its cold and raining (both I dislike, its just uncomfortable being out in that type of weather). He tells me he is in the city and asks if he could pick me up. He picked me up and we head downtown... IN SEARCH OF MY PANTYHOSE. WOW, now that's a man. He had a list of stores ready for me to check out. Luckily, we found them at the first store, LOEHMANN'S. (I'm still trying to figure out how we would know this store would have them... AND he was the one who found them!).


He wasn't ready to stop hanging out with me so quickly, so he invited me to go see the movie Good Hair. Funny movie if you like Chris Rock humor. I won't ruin the movie for those of you who have not watched it but it reminds me of the movie Borat.

We got to the theater a bit early, so we started talking. He asked me about the current situation with my father and I told him about a conversation my dad had with my aunt (That Girl's mother) and how he said I am good for nothing and I am going through this phase where I don't want to work. Also, that he is the one who kicked my mom out the room and he wants a divorce and my mom not to dare deny him a divorce (FYI: my mom left their room because she wanted to and has asked him for a divorce on numerous occasions).


We spoke about that for a little while and he mentioned how uncomfortable certain things might be for me and if I ever need to get away his place has an open door. If I ever want to be alone at his place without him there he will find something to do... He wants me to know he is someone I can count on. I make fun of his old age all the time but with his old age comes a lot of experience and understanding.


Side note: I met him just as his birthday passed and offered to take him to dinner for his bday when we first hung out so I took him to Max Brenner after the movies where we started talking about our Grand Canyon Salsa Road Trip. Las Vegas is only 2.5 hrs away from where we were originally stopping so we have just added Vegas to our trip where we will be going to see a Cirque du Soleil show :), and dance more salsa!



Scarf asked me some good questions about my dad... In short, here is how I feel about the situation: You can read a little about my father here


I was very angry at him, FOR YEARS (I spent 7 yrs where the only time we exchanged words was when we argued). I was angry at him for many reasons, for the beatings, for his demeanor, for the way he treated my mother and my sisters, and especially for the fucking fake persona he had. People outside the walls of Apt 1E do not know who that man is.


Then, I grew up and tried again but the man was the same. I gave up until he broke down in front of me over something that was happening between him and my mother. I intervened because it broke my heart to see him cry. Don't ask me why. But the man was the same. I gave up and was very angry.I saw a therapist for El Difunto once and she spoke to me about my father and that opened my eyes to something. I had a fear. A huge fear that my dad would pass away and I never told him "dad, this is why I hurt..." I don't know why I figured I could have solved things with words when it came to him. I sat him down and laid it all out for him.


It was a long conversation from my end, and I cried the entire time I spoke. I looked at him in the eye at the end and told him that I didn't want him to pass away and I had all this anger in my heart about shit because at the end of the day I hurt because I love him. If I didn't I wouldn't. All I wanted to know was that he was sorry for some of the things, or to just admit he was wrong, or to admit he was a little aggressive. He looked at me back and told me I deserved everything I GOT.


Stubborn mother fucker.


At that point I had to just stand up and walk away because really, what else is there for me to do? My mother was sitting there and even her jaw dropped to the floor when he exchanged those few words with me.


What I am trying to get at is after that day I no longer have the fear. My mission when it comes to him is to steer clear, let him be him and me stay out of the way. So if he thinks I'm good for nothing, that's cool. I know he'll be the first one gloating when I get to where I want to be.


My father is going to die a very lonely man. He doesn't know how to take care of what matters and I honestly feel sorry for him. My dad is like cold rain...

Italian Dinner and Red Wine

Scarf is 1/4 Cuban and 3/4 Italian.

He had told me one day, in casual conversation, that he was having sauteed spinach for dinner.
He asked if he could make it for me one day.

I accepted.

I make my way to NJ where he lives with a bottle of the red wine he likes in hand.

I get to his apt, which is small (a studio) but beautiful. Very artsy, brick wall, high ceiling... the whole nine.

He gives me the grand tour, admits that his place doesn't usually look that clean, he only dusted and picked up because I was going over... He showed me some of his work, we popped open the bottle of wine and he started cooking while I doodled in his drawing pad.

On the menu:

• Some sort of Italian bread with olive oil and Parmesan cheese.
• An assortment of olives and mozzarella cheese.
• Sauteed spinach
• Asparagus
• Italian mashed potatoes
• Red Wine.

He thanked me endlessly for bringing the wine- he said no one has brought him wine in a WHILE. Shit, if this is all it took to impress him lol.

He set the table very nicely, I wanted to take a picture but my phone was in my purse and I didn't want to disturb the flow.

We had good talk during dinner, so much so- time flew by and we didn't get to watch the movie he rented.

He introduced the game of PENTE.

We played a few rounds of this game (it's funner then it sounds, I swear)... and got ready to go (I had a previous engagement).

On our way out he decides he needs to use the restroom so I sit on the stairs. On his way out he sat on a chair and we spent another hour talking, him on the chair and me on the stairs.

You could tell he is attracted but doesn't know how to go about making a move.

He drove me home in his new Audi S line... which he bought for his 40th birthday as a gift to himself.

Yes, you read right... 40.

The man is 40 years old but looks 28.

When he told me he was nervous... but understood that we had no obligations and it could be an issue.

THAT GIRL was in town for my cousins wedding. She had met Scarf the day she arrived at a Salsa club. Good times. He is in the people business so he knows how to get along with people. Shots of Patron going around all night, good times... Until she saw him talking too much to this other woman lol... Her face was priceless. Again, he is in the events business so he has to be social. There was nothing behind it, and if there was... OH WELL. Shit happens.

I had no way of getting to this wedding, it was in NJ. Scarf had offered to drive me and pick me up... I was suppose to be going with my dad but plans changed- my dad wasn't coming anymore, so I told Scarf to put on his suit- he was going to be my date. He gladly accepted.

I loved it, I didn't have to babysit him and the man made me look WONDERFUL on the dance floor :-D. We had people at our table asking us how many YEARS have we been dancing together... I've been dancing for two month and only look good when my leader dances well... Being the gentleman he is the entire time he would answer back "we haven't been dancing together that long but it's all her, she makes me look good on the dance floor- I wouldn't dance as well if I didn't have a good partner".

At the table he confessed that he doesn't know how to go about this situation, he likes me and is scared because it is risky. He doesn't know if I am at a point in my life where I want to be with someone. He enjoys me so much he doesn't care if this becomes nothing more then a friendship. Or else I think this is what he said, I don't know. I was drunk and trying really hard to not spill any oil from my food on my dress.

He was an excellent date. He danced with everybody, was very social, and took pictures of everything for me- I wasn't on camera duty. He would even take pictures of me dancing while HE was dancing with me lol.

We then went to a salsa club after, we brought That Girl with us. I danced every song while I was there... 3 of them with Scarf lol. When we walked out he finally did it. He built the courage to do it.

He kissed me.

I can't tell you if it was good or not- I was drinking alot- not enough to not remember this happening but enough to not remember the details. I don't remember it being horrible- if it was I think I would have remembered that.

Apparently he has been telling That Girl wonderful things about me. She approves of him.

Too bad the ex-fiance is still in my <3.

Untie the Black Ribbon

Scarf and I had a good chill time on Sunday. I hesitated to blog about this because when a good thing is going I like to keep it private but I think I told everyone who reads this blog anyway... So here you go lol.

Scarf is a lover of scenery and told me that one of the most life changing experiences he had was taking a road trip to the Grand Canyon. He has done it twice, alone and planned on doing it again this year- and asked me if I wanted to come along. He was going anyway so everything is covered- I just need to bring money for odds and ends like toiletries and what not. A free trip to the Grand Canyon with good company. I'M GAME!

To make it even better, we are stopping off in a few cities that have a good salsa scene to go dance some salsa. A SALSA GRAND CANYON ROAD TRIP!

Scarf has been nothing but good positive energy for me.

Like Sassy Daisy- I am a firm believer in surroundings and positive/negative energy. I am one of those people that the people around affect my mood GREATLY.

Scarf tells me he has something he wants to give me- and I can throw it away once I see it... So he meets me at a salsa social after a meeting he had. We dance a few songs, he buys me wine... when it is time for him to go he hands me this:
He explains that anything with that gold seal means it is one of his events or a personal invite. If it doesn't have that seal, it isn't from him. I am thinking it is an invite to one of the events he is in charge of. Until he tells me not to open it until I am home...

As curious as I was, I didn't open it until I got home. This is what I found inside...

It reads:

THE GREAT AMERICAN CROSS-COUNTRY ROAD TRIP IS ONLY FOR YOU IF:

You want to see amazing views of Americans Great National Parks and Natural Wonders.

You would like to drive long distances with random stops for food, shooting photos, and sight seeing.

You want to visit Chicago, Denver, The Grand Canyon, Rocky Mountains, The Meteor Crater, St. Louis and many other stops.

You have plenty of time to read, relax, and enjoy one of the trips of your life!

You want some time to reflect, refresh, and get a chance to plot your next move in life. A moment to just dream and wonder.

And finally

YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE MORE FROM LIFE

X________________________

Yes, I want to take an amazing road trip!

Behind it is another paper. I pull it out to find this:

It is a hand drawn- accurate in mileage, distance, and time- map of the united states, the route we can take, the stops and what to do at them. On the top it says "if IMWIR was to take a road trip to the grand canyon, it would look like this! LIVE BIG!"

He told me, before I opened it that I could throw it away if I wanted...He had said it had taken him 10 mins... I said there is NO WAY this shit took ten mins.He admitted that on Monday night while I was out watching Tito Swing with Pang he was home working on this, it took him a few hrs, but he wanted me to see a visual of what the trip would be like and in short... He wanted to see me smile. Uhhh huh!

Eagle Eye FLIES OUT

Eagle Eye, why do I even keep him in my life? Seriously. Here is the short version.

He calls today and asked me what I was up to.
I told him I was cleaning my room.
I was doing my hair.
I was also doing laundry.

He then asked me what else am I doing today... I said I have salsa class later this evening.

He asked me if my parents don't tell me anything... I ask him about what.... he said about me not doing shit all day.

I told him my parents don't bitch if I am not doing anything wrong. I am not getting into any trouble and they know that once January comes- if I don't get in the NYPD I will get a job in my field of interest OR I will be going back to school,or atleast I am putting forth an effort to look for a job in late November, and applying to school (Open House Oct 27th).

He says the problem is my parents are way too lenient with me.

OH

HELL

NO

His parents would have made him work... I don't know why I felt the need to defend myself but I did. I explained to him that right now I do not have any responsibilities and am taking advantage to do everything I have wanted to do within my reach.

• I wanted to take semi nude pics, I did it.
• I want to go swim with dolphins, that trip is coming up.
• I want to learn how to dance and I am doing it.
• I just added taking a road trip to the Grand Canyon with Scarf.

I MARCH TO THE BEAT OF MY OWN FUCKIN DRUM- so leave me alone.

Here I have Eagle Eye bringing negative energy... and Scarf embracing the fact that I am taking time off to enjoy life.

I kindly told Eagle Eye I know you see no sense in what I am doing with myself and you don't agree with it. That's fine but its bringing negative energy and honestly, I don't need to be surrounded by that.

Dinner, Coffee, and Salsa

<- Remember??

I was tired from partying it up all weekend for my younger sister's 21st birthday but had already made plans with Scarf.

Scarf has been nothing but good and fun to talk to, he was polite and unique about his approach, I just didn't feel right cancelling.

I met him today at the meat packing district at 4 p.m. It was very warm for an October day so we decide to take advantage and walk a near by park. He works a lot with structures and this is an elevated rail road track turned into a park. It is amazing, he really enjoys good architecture and wanted to share it with me.

We had a good talk while we walked. We then went to a restaurant in a hotel, ate and spoke some more. He isn't like Mexico, he didn't let me reach for my wallet once.

We then walked to a Cuban restaurant for some CAFE CON LECHE (in which we saw Rosie Perez). He was such a good time. He knew I had my dancing shoes in my purse so after our Cafe con Leche we went for some salsa dancing and a drink. I had such a FUN time with him and what better way to end of the night then with some good effin salsa.

I plan on seeing him again soon... per his request ;-)