Saucy With My Daddy

The Robert Carlo concert date arrived.

My dad and I took the train down town and at first it was a little weird. I never had to spend alone time with him like this, there was definitely that awkward silence for a moment. I mean, what can I really talk to this man about?
He started to talk to me about stuff going on with his friends and I had a better understanding of the union they shared. I am not really a fan of some of his friends, BIRDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER. They are like him. I don't agree with some of the things they have done but just like my girls are my girls... his boys are his boys.

We arrive at the concert, I offer to buy my dad a drink. I remembered he didn't have time to eat, so I bought him a hot dog as well. Got myself a red wine and headed back to our seat. We were seven rows away from the stage, Roberto Carlo came out and the look on my dads face was one of true content. After a second round of drinks, I was saucy with my dad at a concert. Who would have thought. One song came on that reminded him of my mother and he started to cry.

I didn't know what to do.

So I asked him if he wanted another hot dog...

I also remember farting during the concert and hoping it didn't smell. If it did I was ready to start looking at the lady to my left as if something was wrong with her.

The concert was actually a very nice concert. Live music is always good to me, and the artist is a great one. I am happy I went. That concert is a day I will never forget. It was the first time I hung out with my father and actually had a good time.

Which leads me to my next point.

Ting has his own issues with his father. He hasn't spoken to him in a while and told me that a conversation he had with me about my father had inspired him to take that step to call him one day. We then started talking about my situation again and for the first time ever, I spoke about my father and did not cry.

Patron + Salsa = IMWIR Lies

I went out with my little sister this weekend...

It was FREEZING out...
I don't know how many times I have said this but I hate the cold.

I really didn't want to drink, I don't like drinking like that, but I bought myself a shot to help warm me up.

One shot turned to two.
I closed my tab and got a free third shot.
I saw an old fling and three shots turned to four...
And the fifth shot turned into a double shot.

Mother Theresa was with me and she drank half of every shot I took, because these weren't normal sized shots.

Needless to say, I was "happy" and took it upon myself to write down what was going on (so that I remember to blog about it... I think of you guys even when I am drunk).

Apparently I turn into Chelsea Handler when I drink.

I told the guy I don't have his number anymore (because I couldn't remember his name). I have been touring the country the past 6 months dancing with my dance company and they gave me phone... that's why I don't have his # anymore.
SIDE NOTE: He called my # from his cell phone and I did have his # saved.

On our drive home all I remember is jamming, real hard, to some song and as soon as I saw the police I stiffened up. I remember thinking I don't need to do this, I'm not the one driving. Apparently I couldn't start jamming until they were out of sight.

I paid the price today. UGH. Seriously, I liked it better when I was a sober 365 days a year. I'll stick to drinking wine at dinner when I am on a date.

GOOD NEWS OF THE WEEK: CHELSEA HANDLER IS COMING OUT WITH A 3RD BOOK IN MAY 2010

Viva Las Wegas

Its Friday Morning in Vegas as I write this...
Thursday is little Friday and we treated it as such.
Let me begin...

We went salsa dancing at this hole in the wall spot (there is a big Rodeo something in town and all the big salsa places were closed so we had to find the local places). It was cool, no one there really knew how to dance. Let the drinking begin there. I only had one shot of Cuervo. I was too full from dinner to drink again.

On our way back to the hotel we stop by a Walgreens and buy necessities for the drinks- club soda, and juices. Next door is a liquour store that looks closed. When I am done at Walgreens I get in the car with Scarf and tell him we need to go to the liqour store. He responds in a dry tone and looking at me "its closed". I asked if he checked and he said yes. I go back into Walgreens to get my sister Pang and the other salsa dancer that came with us (we will call him Mr. Rican because he is Puerto Rican).

We go back to the hotel and I decide that before we head upstairs I'm going to ask if there is a liqour store walking distance. The man directs me and Pang and I go on our way. It was chilly so I had to lend Pang my jacket. We walk up to the same effin liqour store, GOOD JOB SCARF! I get the cherry flavored Vodka and walk back.

When I arrive to the room Scarf is standing there looking dumbfounded at the fact that we found liqour. He asks where I get it and I told him the truth, at the exact same liqour store he told me was closed. He notices I'm bothered and says sorry, he didn't know. (Pls remember he told me he checked).

Mr. Rican comes in, Pang and I are getting ready in the bathroom and I hear Scarf telling Jim how I came in pissed that I had to walk to the liqour store. NO, that's not the reason I was bothered... I was bothered because I know he didn't check and told me he did. Mr. Rican says how nice it was for us to have gone and asks Scarf if he thanked us. He tells him yes (which he didn't), then walks in the bathroom 10 mins later while I am putting on my make up and says thank you. I decided to brush the situation off- I'm in Vegas and with other people.
Off we go to Tao. Long story short... Mr. Rican and Pang end up kissing a few times, I had red panties with a purple dress on and I was dancing so carelessly I think a few ppl saw my underwear (talk about classy), I was sippin on Vodka on the rocks, we lost Scarf a few times... AND

I ended up making friends with this security guard who tells me that my sister and I could go to VIP. I tell him we are salsa dancers from New York and we had a show at the Tropicana the day before and are guest instructors for a few classes on Saturday. I explained the two guys we were with were our salsa partners and we couldn't go in without them because that would be rude and thanked him for the offer. I need to stop reading Chelsea Handler's book. I kept telling people my sisters name was Ana (those of you who know me personally know her name is NOT Ana...)

Our friend Mr. Rican, being the salsa dancer that he is, is spinning to music and knocks down the phone of a passing security guard (who happened to be the boss) and he immediately gives the sign to escort him. A few guards come and tell us we can stay but he has to go. They know it was an honest mistake and no one was being hostile- none of us were being sloppy drunks, but the power hungry little asian had to feel important... We didn't fight it (it was already 3:30 am and were literally planning on leaving like 10 mins later) and so we walked out.

I looked at the pictures this morning and couldn't stop cracking up, especially since I don't remember posing for half of them. GOOD TIMES!

I AM ALREADY IN NY AS I WRITE THIS NEXT PART

The next day we decide to go to In-n-Out because Mr. Rican just couldn't get enough. I am a vegeterian but I decide to take one for the team and order a side of French Fries.

I spent the rest of the night throwing up greasy french fries. I literally saw the grease bubbles in the toilet water. It was disgusting. They all went to the hotel club TRYST where Scarf's company apparently had a hard time standing up lol. (A blog about Scarf coming soon)

Saturday night we went to see the show Mystere (cirque du soliel). It was great. We were so tired though we ended up staying in that night.

So Vegas wasn't too crazy- one of us got kicked out the club, and one of us threw up so I guess we did what people do in Vegas lol.

Saltiest Kiss of My Life

I am back from vacationing at the Bahamas and although I had a horrible experience (I will touch base and elaborate on this later in the post) I did:

• Get to enjoy a hot day (I need to move somewhere hot. It truly puts me in a happy place. I hate the cold.)


• Swam with dolphins (check that off my "must do in life" list)


• Unexpectedly got kissed on the mouth by a sea lion (it was the sweetest, best, saltiest kiss of my life... And it came from a sea lion named Cassie. I kissed a girl, and I liked it.)


• Went down the slide on the Mayan Temple in the Atlantis resort (after walking up, chickening out, and being pep talked by the resort employee).

This vacation was an experience to say the least. I want to go back to my last post I Packed for Heat.
My sister Pang told me she had told my neighbor what happened and I immediately asked her "why?!" This caught me off guard, my neighbor is like family and we aren't ashamed to tell each other things. The reality of it is that I am embarrassed, and that's why I asked why.

Now that I have the time to write, let me go into further detail...
I had been drinking a good amount- I usually don't depend on alcohol but I could tell to survive 3 nights with this guy I WAS GOING TO NEED IT.
We went to bed and I started to doze off. I should have woken up when I felt him attempt to come snuggle with me. I kind of just tried to push him off and repositioned myself and KNOCKED OUT. I can't even tell you how much time in between that and the moment he started to rub the inside of my leg happen but I remember feeling that but still sleeping. Apparently I moaned when he went down on me (I found this out through conversation with him later)...
He went in and when he flipped over to put me on top is when I finally was forced to kind of wake up. I was so dizzy. I thought to myself wtf is going on. It was my first night there so it took me a while to register that I wasn't home sleeping in my bed. I remembered that I was in the Bahamas with HIM and I opened my eyes, jumped off, and ran to the shower.
He asked me if I was okay, I said yes from inside the shower and replied "I hope you aren't mad at me..."
Now I'm just feeling hung over because the reality of what just happened took any drunkenness I had away... And I'm pretty pissed but not recognizing it because I'm still in disbelief.
I tell him to leave me alone and I go to sleep.

The next day we barely exchange words. I went to walk around and found the beach. I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance and how I wish I was there with him instead. I wanted to talk to him about what happened, he is a comfort of mine.

The guy finally brings it up and tells me he enjoyed making love to me. ::gag::
We exchange the following points.The conversation didn't go word for word like this but here are the key points...

IMWIR: I was drunk. If I was sober that wouldn't not have happened. It was a mistake and very poor judgement on my part.
Him: I didn't seem that drunk. I moaned and made suggestions that I was enjoying it. Do I feel like I was raped? Do I honestly feel this was a mistake?
IMWIR: I don't have to stagger to be drunk. People who know me can tell I am drunk by the look on my face and he knows I was drunk. I drank a lot, and he paid for them so he knows I drank a lot. Rape is a strong word so I won't use it but I do feel I was taken advantage of in a state where I could not make decisions. I not only had been drinking but already in slumber... The combination of the two is enough to put me in the wrong state for him to have tried that. That would have NEVER happened had I been okay.
Him: I can ask anyone and they will say me accepting the trip knows sex would probably be involved.
IMWIR: He booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for us before and his money went to waste because I never went for that reason and he knew the reason why. He knows how I feel about him, I never lead him on. I accepted this trip because he asked endlessly and I didn't want his $ to go to waste. He is a man, I didn't think I needed to sit and talk him through the rules of the game again. I never demonstrated they would have changed. Regardless, the moment to try that was not when I was drunk and sleeping.

This situation is open for interpretation. People will have their opinions, some will say I got raped (like the ex fiance), others will think that I got taken advantage of (which is what I prefer to say), some find no difference between the two. Whatever the case, it is an ugly situation.

To top it off- AFTER this conversation, I am looking through his camera (with his permission of coarse) and as I flip through them I see he took close ups of my crotch area- disgusting! All in all, I have never felt so violated- to top it off by a police officer.

His defense: he took a picture of every part of my body (my feet, eyes, butt, back of my head...) which he did.

I can't believe I even have a post up here like this...

I Packed For Heat

Hello Bloggers

I am here in Atlantis and have 15 minutes to use the internet so I will make this quick.

1st- it not THAT hot and I packed for heat so I am wearing a mismatching jean jacket every where I go. I might just wear the one pair of long jeans I brought every single night.

2nd- most of the pools are closed. Ef you Atlantis.

3rd- there is NO NIGHT LIFE on the resort from Monday-Wed... which happen to be the nights that I am here.
As a result I ended up getting drunk at the casino bar (where I played and lost $20 in a drunken state)... with a tiny dance floor. I got my ass smacked when they played "she turned around and I gave that big booty a slap! HEY!" By an older white woman. Good times. I took video of a local dancing. I will show you guys when I get home.

Which leads me to the following. I let something happen that I NEVER pictured myself letting happen. I had sex with the guy who brought me here. I don't like him AT ALL and I get pissed because he knew I was too intoxicated and took advantage of that. As soon as I realized what was fucking happening I STOPPED and went to the shower.

This reminded me of a moment THAT GIRL would have (sorry cousin, I love you) and that isn't me. I don't do these kinds of things! It is the first time I have ever done something I regret from drinking. And so, I think from now on I will go back to my sober ways unless I am hanging out with my girls, or the ex fiance.

OFF TO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS IN THE RAIN I GO!

Pizza, Pente, and Patron

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't know why I allow myself to get into these types of situations.

One day Mother Theresa asked me where do I find these guys and what is it that I do to them?
I do NOTHING. I am myself, I know I can be sassy sometimes and I don't hide that. My facial expressions do not lie, they speak louder then my words do so if something is bothering me, I dislike something, or am uncomfortable they know.

I had plans to have a Friday night in with Scarf at his apartment for pizza, patron, and pente. I walk into his house and this is what I find:

Yes... I had to take a picture. I am thinking I was going to find pizza in a box, not this!

We sit down and have white wine and pizza. I had two glasses.

After dinner, we start to play pente. The deal is, you loose you take a shot. Here is where the problem lies:

• We were sipping while we played
• I kept loosing
• Previously I had two glasses of white wine

I am getting nauseous just writing this.

After Pente we start talking about my family (a.k.a. my dad). I teared up talking to him about certain things, ok fuck it, I cried. He opened up about a few things but said he wanted to save that for our trip. I excused myself and went to the restroom. When I sat down on the toilet I realized... I NEED TO GET BETTER AT PENTE. The shit kicked in.

I went back to the couch where he was laying down waiting for me. I laid next to him and felt my breathing get heavy. I already knew, I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

I spent a good 15 minutes throwing up before he started to get worried, at first he thought I was taking a shit but then he didn't hear any pushing.

When I throw up from drinking I need to be left where I am. I cannot move. When he knocked and I instructed him to come that's exactly where he found me. I was laid out in front of his toilet. When I get like that I get some smellllllly gas and I was just hoping he didn't smell it. It was so bad I am pretty sure he did though.

I started to throw up at 11:30. He was there the entire time. He tried to get me to go to the bed but I told him I needed to be left where I was, with my head in the toilet. I laid down and he brought me a pillow and a blanket. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor, I just remember sitting up and throwing up from time to time. I woke up once and remember thinking damn, I've been on this bathroom floor a while, I lift my head up to see what's going on around me and see Scarf sleeping sitting up on the bathroom floor.

I tell him to go, that I will be okay and he told me no. I felt bad so I threw up once more and STUMBLED my way to his couch. He lives in a studio apt so his bed is right behind the couch. He brings me a pillow and covers me and lays down on the other side of the couch where HE DOES NOT FIT. I tell him to go to bed again and he tells me no, he wants to be close to me.

WTF

I told him at the moment I couldn't move and to go, I will join him when I can. He didn't listen.

I got up to throw up again and on my way back I went for the bed instead of the couch. I woke up a few more times to throw up and he was very aware. I didn't realize until I woke up at 11 a.m. but he went to sleep in his button down and jeans. He said he didn't want to be disrespectful. Pft. I took my bra off in the middle of my sleep and flinged it somewhere, he had to look for it when I was getting dressed. I am pretty sure he thought he would have to be looking for my bra under different circumstances.

I asked him where does he keep his cleaning supplies, obviously I needed to disinfect that toilet. HE BEAT ME TO IT. He had already done it while I was sleeping. NICE.

He brought me home, the entire car ride he just laid my seat back and held my hand. We sat in complete silence and he didn't mind. I told him to put music on, eh said he didn't want to disturb me, for me not to worry and just rest.

Here I have Scarf- and I am liking it... And the ex-fiance waiting for his own return so we can try to fix things, and I love him. WOMP.

To be or not to be...

Fitness and I have been spending a lot of time together, and in constant contact.

This past weekend I slept over his house after a night out celebrating his best friends sisters birthday. These people are bar people. Good times but I need some music in my life.

Back to the point.

We get to his room.

Lay down on the bed (clothes still on).

I start to rub his head, he just got a fresh cut.

He falls asleep. (Understandable, the guy works a lot, and hardly sleeps during the week and had a few drinks).

I decide to get up, put on my PJs... Brush my teeth... And go to bed.

Problem is:

1. 
   
   he is laying on the sheets


2. 
   
   he is out cold


3. 
   
   his room is freezing


4. 
   
   I have a cold. I tried waking him up- it didn't work.

I tried to push him over, the guy is pure muscle OUT COLD...I decide to put on one of his hoodies and try to knock out. At this point I've been shivering for an hour and a half, I need to do something. I try to wake him up once more. No luck. I text OS She recommends throwing cold water in his face, I opt to leave him a message and leave.

I leave...

I realize, its 5:30 a.m. and I have no idea where the damn train is.I give him a call... He doesn't pick up.FUCK.I stop a cab to ask and he tries to get me to take it from Brooklyn to Manhattan, long ride- I opt out and give Fitness another call.

HE PICKS UP! Confused as all hell he asks me to please come back. We must have just missed each other because when I arrived to the front of his house he was where I told him I was when I called the second time. I see him walking to the front of the house towards me with an extra sweater in hand for me. That made me smile... Too bad I already had one of his sweaters on (hehe). :x We get inside and he asks for a moment and goes to the bathroom. I originally think he is going to throw up BUT hear nothing (that ability to hear a pin drop kicks in). He walks out and comes onto the bed next to me. He looks off. I ask him what's up, and he almost started to cry (got to love the alcohol).

He felt horrible for what just happened. He felt he was being a horrible host. Apparently he is suppose to protect me and keep me warm and he let his sloppiness get in the way of that.

Here I am thinking he might have gotten bothered because I got up and left in the middle of the night... Instead the man looks like he is close to tears because his sloppy drunkenness was the cause of me leaving.

I told him it was a little messed up but given the circumstances (how little he sleeps and he was drinking) that I can understand, it will happen to anyone.

Then we had great sex.

I worry I was a little too loud and the roomie might have heard me :x. (He wants to move into his own place soon, turning 27 with two roommates isn't working for him).

I'm writing this on the train and there are Mexicans performing with an accordion and a guitar, reminds me of Nacho Libre and I can't concentrate lol.

When Dominicans play the accordion- they make it sound good is all I have to say.

Ok they stopped.

So the next day I was asked on a dinner date (by someone else). I thought about it... Fitness keeps telling me that he wants to be with me but worries that I might need time since I just moved out of the ex fiances apartment. He says this EVERY TIME something about us comes up so maybe I need to take a hint, since once he said maybe I need time to do what single people do.

I accept the dinner date.

I battle if I should tell Fitness or not. We have a very friendly relationship and I didn't want to lie... I've had enough of that these past few months.

I text him.

He calls back.

He doesn't understand why I would go on a dinner date after the conversation we had the day before (we aren't really interested in seeing other people). I explained to him the whole thing about how he always brings up me needing time...

He said he was just putting me first, and didn't want to be an additional burden if I felt I had stuff I needed to get over. He and I have had conversations about how I feel regarding my break up with the ex fiance.

Fitness: are you serious about not wanting to see other people?

IMWIR: I am serious. I enjoy you a lot.

Fitness: I don't want the fact that you were going on a dinner date to be the basis of this. I have been wanting to be in a formal relationship with you but haven't asked because I didn't know if you were ready but will you be my girlfriend?

IMWIR: ::laugh:: where do I circle yes?