Saltiest Kiss of My Life

I am back from vacationing at the Bahamas and although I had a horrible experience (I will touch base and elaborate on this later in the post) I did:

• Get to enjoy a hot day (I need to move somewhere hot. It truly puts me in a happy place. I hate the cold.)


• Swam with dolphins (check that off my "must do in life" list)


• Unexpectedly got kissed on the mouth by a sea lion (it was the sweetest, best, saltiest kiss of my life... And it came from a sea lion named Cassie. I kissed a girl, and I liked it.)


• Went down the slide on the Mayan Temple in the Atlantis resort (after walking up, chickening out, and being pep talked by the resort employee).

This vacation was an experience to say the least. I want to go back to my last post I Packed for Heat.
My sister Pang told me she had told my neighbor what happened and I immediately asked her "why?!" This caught me off guard, my neighbor is like family and we aren't ashamed to tell each other things. The reality of it is that I am embarrassed, and that's why I asked why.

Now that I have the time to write, let me go into further detail...
I had been drinking a good amount- I usually don't depend on alcohol but I could tell to survive 3 nights with this guy I WAS GOING TO NEED IT.
We went to bed and I started to doze off. I should have woken up when I felt him attempt to come snuggle with me. I kind of just tried to push him off and repositioned myself and KNOCKED OUT. I can't even tell you how much time in between that and the moment he started to rub the inside of my leg happen but I remember feeling that but still sleeping. Apparently I moaned when he went down on me (I found this out through conversation with him later)...
He went in and when he flipped over to put me on top is when I finally was forced to kind of wake up. I was so dizzy. I thought to myself wtf is going on. It was my first night there so it took me a while to register that I wasn't home sleeping in my bed. I remembered that I was in the Bahamas with HIM and I opened my eyes, jumped off, and ran to the shower.
He asked me if I was okay, I said yes from inside the shower and replied "I hope you aren't mad at me..."
Now I'm just feeling hung over because the reality of what just happened took any drunkenness I had away... And I'm pretty pissed but not recognizing it because I'm still in disbelief.
I tell him to leave me alone and I go to sleep.

The next day we barely exchange words. I went to walk around and found the beach. I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance and how I wish I was there with him instead. I wanted to talk to him about what happened, he is a comfort of mine.

The guy finally brings it up and tells me he enjoyed making love to me. ::gag::
We exchange the following points.The conversation didn't go word for word like this but here are the key points...

IMWIR: I was drunk. If I was sober that wouldn't not have happened. It was a mistake and very poor judgement on my part.
Him: I didn't seem that drunk. I moaned and made suggestions that I was enjoying it. Do I feel like I was raped? Do I honestly feel this was a mistake?
IMWIR: I don't have to stagger to be drunk. People who know me can tell I am drunk by the look on my face and he knows I was drunk. I drank a lot, and he paid for them so he knows I drank a lot. Rape is a strong word so I won't use it but I do feel I was taken advantage of in a state where I could not make decisions. I not only had been drinking but already in slumber... The combination of the two is enough to put me in the wrong state for him to have tried that. That would have NEVER happened had I been okay.
Him: I can ask anyone and they will say me accepting the trip knows sex would probably be involved.
IMWIR: He booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for us before and his money went to waste because I never went for that reason and he knew the reason why. He knows how I feel about him, I never lead him on. I accepted this trip because he asked endlessly and I didn't want his $ to go to waste. He is a man, I didn't think I needed to sit and talk him through the rules of the game again. I never demonstrated they would have changed. Regardless, the moment to try that was not when I was drunk and sleeping.

This situation is open for interpretation. People will have their opinions, some will say I got raped (like the ex fiance), others will think that I got taken advantage of (which is what I prefer to say), some find no difference between the two. Whatever the case, it is an ugly situation.

To top it off- AFTER this conversation, I am looking through his camera (with his permission of coarse) and as I flip through them I see he took close ups of my crotch area- disgusting! All in all, I have never felt so violated- to top it off by a police officer.

His defense: he took a picture of every part of my body (my feet, eyes, butt, back of my head...) which he did.

I can't believe I even have a post up here like this...

I Packed For Heat

Hello Bloggers

I am here in Atlantis and have 15 minutes to use the internet so I will make this quick.

1st- it not THAT hot and I packed for heat so I am wearing a mismatching jean jacket every where I go. I might just wear the one pair of long jeans I brought every single night.

2nd- most of the pools are closed. Ef you Atlantis.

3rd- there is NO NIGHT LIFE on the resort from Monday-Wed... which happen to be the nights that I am here.
As a result I ended up getting drunk at the casino bar (where I played and lost $20 in a drunken state)... with a tiny dance floor. I got my ass smacked when they played "she turned around and I gave that big booty a slap! HEY!" By an older white woman. Good times. I took video of a local dancing. I will show you guys when I get home.

Which leads me to the following. I let something happen that I NEVER pictured myself letting happen. I had sex with the guy who brought me here. I don't like him AT ALL and I get pissed because he knew I was too intoxicated and took advantage of that. As soon as I realized what was fucking happening I STOPPED and went to the shower.

This reminded me of a moment THAT GIRL would have (sorry cousin, I love you) and that isn't me. I don't do these kinds of things! It is the first time I have ever done something I regret from drinking. And so, I think from now on I will go back to my sober ways unless I am hanging out with my girls, or the ex fiance.

OFF TO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS IN THE RAIN I GO!

Vaca- here I come!

Hey all,

I decided to make this a light one. I realllly didn't want this blog to be just about boys and that's all it seems to be about (I guess that is what happens when you are single and DON'T work).

Believe me, there is a lot to tell but I will leave all boy stories out of this one. Just for personal peace of mind I guess lol.

I'm posting this up today but I know most of you will not read this until Monday- because you read this while at work... But PEACE BITCHES! (I mean that with love)... I'm out to the Bahamas for an all inclusive trip at Atlantis.
Hopefully while you are reading this I'll be on the airplane, or who knows- I might be in my Bikini sippin on a cocktail at the beach...