I Peed On The Stick

I've been a little unfair with my lack of details with certain things. Let me rewind to last posts pregnancy.

I had been having pre menstrual cramps like usual, so i didn't think anything was up. Until a few days later I had noticed my sleep was ALL OFF. I was having weird dreams and just a hard time sleeping period. I NEVER have had this problem. My body was fatigued (I thought it was because of the sleep). I was taking naps during the day because I just couldn't stay awake.

Then I thought I am still having these cramps but where the fuck is my period?
Mothers day was around the corner, I was going to Michaels to buy my mom her gift. On my way to the train station I stopped by Rite Aid and picked up the most idiot proof pregnancy test available. One with words.

I get out the train station and see a Whole Foods I have shopped at before. I was about to pee my pants in the train so I ran straight to the bathroom.

I peed on the stick.

I calmly waited because I didn't think I was pregnant. I was just taking it to put my mind at ease.

And then...

Oh Holy Shit.

I had a panic attack in the bathroom stall. I didn't know what to do with myself. I almost shitted my heart out. I was hyper ventilating.

I pulled myself together enough to walk out of the bathroom. Once outside I called my mother crying.

"MA! I'm pregnant" :*(

The woman was happy! She has been dying to become a grandmother. She told me this is nothing to cry about, everything is going to be okay, and to go home.

I called Ting- to tell him I was pregnant and that I had already called to make an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. He was upset that I didn't talk to him about it before making this decision. I understood where he was coming from but in reality we had only been dating for a little while and I am in no place in life to have a baby. I don't have a job and I live at home with my mother. He was actually considering keeping it! After some real talk he said he supports whatever I decide to do. He knows we shouldn't keep it, he isn't ready for a baby either (he is only 24. Yes, I am a cougar).

He was super supportive throughout out the entire process. I had morning sickness and he did great with that. He came with me to the procedure and wanted to take care of me after.

Like I mentioned before, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I didn't think I would feel so relieved after.

So kiddies: I am living proof that PULLING OUT DOES NOT WORK.

Potent sperm is potent sperm.

I didn't use birth control consistently because I would get sick. My doctor recommended Nuva Ring and I haven't felt nausea at all. Nice!

On to the next topic. In my relationship with the Ex Fiance he loved more then I did. A lot more then I did. Ting is adamant about being with someone who loves him just as much or close to. He says 60/40 is the most if he had to put it in numbers but 70/30 is unbalanced and there is no way that relationship could be a healthy one.
Opinions?

I know I Am An Adult When I Am Making These Types Of Decisions...

Bloggers! Long time no see...

It's been over a month. I am sorry. Well, lots been going on! Where shall I begin. Right, well... this happened...

Yeap.

It was Tings.

You read right. WAS. I didn't keep it. It was a mutual decision. It is for the best, he and I aren't ready for that yet, it wasn't the right time for US. I had the support of a lot of people and felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders when the procedure was over. I know I did the right thing.
^ADULT DECISION 1^

HELLO NUVA RING!

Staying on the subject of Ting, I am in trouble. My feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger. I am happy to have him as a friend and more. It hasn't been peaches and cream this entire time (obviously, see above lol). We've gotten through everything together and have kept GREAT COMMUNICATION through it all.

The ex-fiance. Oh man I just had a hard talk with him yesterday. I had to let him know that I had to let go for real. I know he and I aren't going to work, atleast not right now. He had his chance to slide back in when he came back from boot camp and he didn't take it. It is time for me to be fair to someone else. The ex-fiance still had hope for us and would guilt trip me for not answering his calls. It hurt, but it needed to be done. I am going to miss him.
^ADULT DECISION 2^

The NYPD called me. I don't want to jinx it so all I will say is there is a high chance of a large class going in July. This might be my turn. ::FINGERS CROSSED::


Ting has to go to Vegas for a week for work. He bought me my flight so we could spend some time together assuming I will be getting into the July academy. I didn't think I would look forward to spending an entire week alone with someone like this. I bought a few sexy little things to thank him ;o)... I'll let you know how it goes.
 
FYI I am almost up to my 100th blog and I don't know what to do with that lol.

Saucy With My Daddy

The Robert Carlo concert date arrived.

My dad and I took the train down town and at first it was a little weird. I never had to spend alone time with him like this, there was definitely that awkward silence for a moment. I mean, what can I really talk to this man about?
He started to talk to me about stuff going on with his friends and I had a better understanding of the union they shared. I am not really a fan of some of his friends, BIRDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER. They are like him. I don't agree with some of the things they have done but just like my girls are my girls... his boys are his boys.

We arrive at the concert, I offer to buy my dad a drink. I remembered he didn't have time to eat, so I bought him a hot dog as well. Got myself a red wine and headed back to our seat. We were seven rows away from the stage, Roberto Carlo came out and the look on my dads face was one of true content. After a second round of drinks, I was saucy with my dad at a concert. Who would have thought. One song came on that reminded him of my mother and he started to cry.

I didn't know what to do.

So I asked him if he wanted another hot dog...

I also remember farting during the concert and hoping it didn't smell. If it did I was ready to start looking at the lady to my left as if something was wrong with her.

The concert was actually a very nice concert. Live music is always good to me, and the artist is a great one. I am happy I went. That concert is a day I will never forget. It was the first time I hung out with my father and actually had a good time.

Which leads me to my next point.

Ting has his own issues with his father. He hasn't spoken to him in a while and told me that a conversation he had with me about my father had inspired him to take that step to call him one day. We then started talking about my situation again and for the first time ever, I spoke about my father and did not cry.

Never Have I Ever

I am suffering from Cabin Fever (being that I am stuck at home due to my oral surgery). Please, keep me sane. Let's play a game... shall we.

Let's play Never Have I ever:
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever drank a whole beer.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever smoked weed.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever had sex in a public space.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had phone sex.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had a threesome.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever thrown up in a club.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever cheated
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever started a street fight.
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever dine and ditched.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever been to Australia.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever owned my own car.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever sharted.

::one finger up::

SAY WHAT?!

Yes. It happened to me like three weeks ago. Needless to say, it was an experience. I thought it was a myth until I farted and felt my panties a little weird. I went to the bathroom to double check, cracking up at the though and there it was... the stain. I sat down and finished business while I was there.

WOMP

Someone Elses Turn

Oh lord, what an eventful weekend.
Ting and I went to Philadelphia for the Philly Salsa Jam. We spent the weekend at his friends house and I, ladies and gentlemen... had an experience.
I arrived before Ting did, I have a cousin in Philly and wanted to spend some time with him and see his apartment. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I left with Ting because we had an action packed weekend, so I opted to leave a little earlier and have Ting pick me up when he arrived at night.

I arrived, walked the city with my cousin, went to his place- and I got HOMESICK! WTF I had only been there for six hours and I was homesick. It usually happens if I am not being kept occupied, which was the case (my cousin is a very mellow dude, and his live in girlfriend is even more). Ting arrives and I had never been happier to see him. My homesickness had gone away.

Weird.

Moving on.

We went out to party that night. The next day we went to tour the city on the Ride the Duck tour, had lunch with his friends, saw the liberty bell, went out to dinner, went salsa dancing, and the next morning he surprised me with a trip to the aquarium! (He had remembered in conversation that I love the aquarium and anytime I am in a new city I try to visit their aquarium).

He was amazing.
And then it happened.

He asked me to be his girlfriend.

Sounds great, especially since I like the guy and I said YES... right?

I wouldn't ask the question if the answer wasn't no. So NO. What's the problem you ask? THE EX FIANCE.

He told me once, while arguing about something that had nothing to do with this (I had asked him "what were you thinking with?")  "I was thinking with my heart, if I thought with my head In My World I ROCK I wouldn't have asked you to marry me".
It hurt like all hell to hear that, funny enough now I am having to think with this mentality.

It is no secret that the ex fiance is something I have been battling with for a few weeks.

My heart loves him but my head is almost positive that there are so many things that are missing. Love is powerful, but it is not enough to make a successful relationship work.
I don't plan on telling him that I am seeing someone else, but I need to break the news to him that I need to stop thinking we will work. Or stop seeing Ting.

On a Different Page ... and Photo Shopped

Some one please sign me up for Tool Academy.

I try not to blog about the ex fiance- but in a nut shell....

• I still love him very much.
• We see each other about once a week.
• We haven't had sex, he hasn't tried.
• We are "doing things right" according to him and taking things slow.

He has a point, and I was the one who introduced the idea of taking things slow- but I feel we are going very slow... and that's cool, but I have self diagnosed myself with a mild form of ADD and slow things bore me.

He knows, I've been honest with my feelings about this. I refuse to nag though, I nagged when he first got here and it didn't work in my favor so I let him be... I love him but I can't fight him anymore. Time will tell.

In turn, someone else has been keeping me busy. He is a dancer... his blog name will be Ting.

Of coarse, just like almost anyone I start hanging out with, Ting was something casual. Then it became sexual. Now he is feeling this. He throws comments out there that make it obvious that he wants this to go somewhere. He knows some details about the ex fiance but I have opted to try and not talk about it.

Two men, I always get caught up in some shit like this. I am enjoying Ting a little more then I care to (no, don't worry... I am not sprung lol).

On a lighter note... I have been asked to join a bachata recital team, and will join a salsa one next month so you might be hearing a lot less from me since all I will be doing in dancing.

Oh, enter the perfect opportunity for AN EXAMPLE. Speaking of dancing, here is something Ting would say:

IMWIR: I have a feeling dancing will get in the way of my next relationship.

Ting: Why

IMWIR: I am enjoying it a lot, and don't think I will stop until I am satisfied with where I am with it. I have already chosen dancing over many things (I did not mention I have chosen going to salsa class over hanging out with the ex fiance... I kept it as broad as possible).

Ting: Well, maybe you will meet a guy who can share the passion of dancing with you (and then he gives me the stare with the smile... FYI: he is a performer).

Now for what I really wanted to blog...

I'VE BEEN PHOTO SHOPPED!

I got called in for a photo shoot earlier this week... I took a few pics in some dresses and final shots were taken in a bikini.

While I was getting dressed the photographer played around with some of the pictures and calls me over to show me one.

Its one of me in the bikini.

IMWIR: WOW! This looks great!

Photographer: Yeah, I worked on it a little, look at the original ::opens up the original picture::

This is where I almost passed out.

I have never in my adult life been self conscious about my body, until I saw the before and after pictures.

I HAVE BEEN PHOTO SHOPPED, it was my first time seeing this and I hate it. Now, I know people get photo shopped for magazines, I don't think all those models really look like that but sweet jeezus- it's different when you look at yourself.

I swore off food, and then I got hungry two hours later- that plan went out the window quick.

Usual Morning Routine

I slowly wake from my sleep because I feel a presence in my room. I turn over to look at the time and notice its not the usual Pang getting ready for work I felt. There was nobody there.I'm still tired, I have a slight cold, so I disregard and go back to sleep.


I wake up again because my feet are frigid- as if it was sticking outside the window in 25 degree weather. I wake up- this time I really wake up- and cover my feet. I go back to sleep. I feel someone in my room again. I turn over to look at the time. Its 10:37 a.m. I am a little freaked out by what I am experiencing, I decide going to sleep isn't my best bet. I get up and start my morning routine.

I grab my towel, grab my box of bobby pins, pick up my hair, place the box of bobby pins on the sink, and hop in the shower.


I feel like someone is in the bathroom.


IMWIR: Pang?


No response.


Maybe the dog walked in the bathroom. I pay this no mind and continue to shower. I hear something fall on the floor. I peak my head out through the shower curtains and see my bobby pins all over the floor. Great, picking up bobby pins is so much fun.


I hop out of the shower and start to dry myself and I notice the bobby pins are being shuffled around- there is no one else in the bathroom with me. I stand still in disbelief.


I run to my room and get dressed. My father is in his room, he and I do not really bond but I had to tell someone what is going on.

I walk into my dads room, he is sitting on his usual corner, reading some sort of pamphlet.

IMWIR: Dad, I had a weird experience this morning. I think there is something in the house.

Dad: There is no one here, it's just you and I.

I explain what I felt this morning. He tells me I am crazy for thinking there is something in the house.

He is interrupted by foot marks walking across his bed and the room door closing on it's own.

IMWIR: Did you not just see that?!

My dad doesn't respond, he is in disbelief.

I was livid.

IMWIR: Whatever you are, I know you are here! If you are really here slam that closet door shut!

The closet door slams shut.

I was hoping it didn't happen. I was kind of hoping I was crazy. I wasn't.

I feel force push me back, now I am laying on the bed. I cannot breathe through my nose or my mouth. I start to shake trying to get air. I look at my dad and try to speak to him with my eyes. He is staring back scared. He doesn't see whatever this is, is covering my nose and mouth.

I jump up catching my breath. I am in my bed. I look at the time, it is 10:32 a.m. I grab my towel for my usual morning routine. As I walk to the bathroom I realize, it's only me and my father home...

Blind Date

I will make this snappy- as I have to get ready to head to the movies with the Ex Fiance. Yes, you read right.

I had gotten a message from one of my cousins from my dads side of the family once on Facebook expressing her sadness of my absence at her husband's photo exhibit. Apparently they had this guy they wanted me to meet... and were hoping to surprise me with this at the event.

She gave me his info and told me to look him up on FB. If I was interested, to write him a message.

I did just that.

It's been MONTHS since this happened. We've kept in touch via text message since then but he has been working towards a promotion, and has been traveling alot for work. As of the last two weeks we've spoken on the phone a few times.

Yesterday we had plans to meet up for tapas, drinks, and dancing at Son Cubano. I get there at 9 and he is running a little late because of parking. I wait for him inside and every guy that walks in that is white I think its him (his pictures on FB aren't the best, very far and in the dark). Finally I see this guy walk in who is looking around for someone, it has to be him...

My cousin failed to mention this man was a giant. I am 5'2... he is 6'2. A good looking giant (only flaw was he has a big nose, but it didn't bother me).

There are no tables available for another 45 minutes so we sit at the bar and the Merlot starts flowing. We have good conversation, we ate out tapas- and after two hours of talking we start dancing. Thank goodness I was "happy", it's the only way I could have kept up with the off beat dancing. He had good beat, for an Italian...

While dancing I touched his stomach- BY MISTAKE, that place was so crowded I touched a few people in places I shouldn't have by mistake, females included. Well- that man had some WASH BOARD ABS, which I was not expecting, you see him and he is tall and what appeared to be SKINNY.

I got super horny.

The rest of the night I was trying to compose myself- I wanted to take him and do him where ever, I just wanted some. Damn wine.

We leave at 2 because we just can't hack the fact that we can't move in there, and he had work the next day...

He drives me back uptown, and in conversation tells me he wants to be an underwear model... Well, he has the abs for it. He showed me a picture of him shirtless and WHAT THE FUCK. I was horny, tipsy, and looking at hot pictures. I felt like a guy.

We arrive and the kiss happened (which I was not expecting, he was very respectable the entire night, I actually didn't think I would see him again- at least not like that). I've kissed many boys in my day... that by far had to be the best kiss, and he didn't even have plump lips or anything. This man was just catching me off guard right, left, and center.

I thought maybe he had one of those moments when he first arrived but he asked if we could hang out again next weekend soooo....

It's 4:30. No, really... It is.

I Have to start off by saying LET'S GO YANKEES! Congrats on the 2009 World Series Win

Moving on...

Things IMWIR strongly dislikes:

• Soggy Cereal
• Wet Clothes
• The train during rush hour
• Waking up to an alarm clock
• Being rushed

I had plans to meet Scarf at 3 p.m. There was no hot water (I should have added cold showers to the list of dislikes) at home so he pushed plans back to 3:30 to give me time to find a solution to this very big problem.
We finally get hot water and I'm getting ready when I get a phone call at 2:24 p.m... Its Scarf.

Scarf: Heeeey, what are you doing?

IMWIR: We just got hot water so I just hopped out the shower.

Scarf: Oh, well... IM HERE!

::silence::

IMWIR: ummm okay cool- you're early, I need a few minutes to get ready.

Scarf: Ok. How much time do you need?

(This is where I start to get bothered, you said 3:30 and are pressuring me for time when you are AN HOUR early. As I said before, I strongly dislike being rushed).

IMWIR: Another 20 minutes.

Scarf: I'll be getting coffee, see you in 20.

I get another call at 2:52

Its Scarf.

Scarf: Hey...

IMWIR: Yessss....

Scarf: what's up? What's your status?

IMWIR: (a little dry) I'll be out in 10 minutes.
This is so unlike him, he is such a chill dude, why is he being so damn persistent when he is super early and he was the one who offered to push the time back an extra half hour?

I don't know where we are going or what we are doing. We drive to Columbus Circle, put the car in the garage and walk towards Central Park.

All the horse and carriages are on the side and I comment on how I would love to own a horse and although the rides are nice, I hate to see them so restricted and tied up.

Scarf: oh, well... Surprise! We are going for a horse and carriage ride around central park. They are closing the stables soon so these are their last weeks.

Talk about putting my foot in my mouth!! It was a good ride, very romantic.

On our walk back he asks me for the time.

IMWIR: It's 4:30

Scarf: No it isn't.

I scramble in my purse for my phone. I check the time on that.

IMWIR: yes it is.

Scarf: that's impossible. It can't be.

I start to think maybe we are running late for something...

Scarf: I picked you up at 4:30... That's why I was rushing you, I wanted to do this before the sun went down.

IMWIR: no, u were in the heights at 2:30 and we left a little after 3.
This entire time he went by the time in his car and was an hour early. Damn this day light savings.

After, we went to Hummus in Hells Kitchen- and I must say the food was impressive. To end off the night he met up with me after dance school to dance a few salsa songs and off we went to meet up with my older sister Pang to watch the World Series.
Needless to say, to end a perfect date- the YANKS won the World Series.

IN NEW YORK THEY SMOKE PHILLIES.

Earlier today Scarf and I were emailing back and forth- he sent me some of the pics from yesterday's date. I responded thanking him again, and here goes his response:

That was cool and what I considered, "simple romance." In short, planning days like that is a reflection of how I feel about you. I want effortless, unique and fun experiences with you. There is nothing like seeing a smile on your face. :)

Baseball Managing: COME TO MY TEAM

There are many things I've done that I thought I never would do...

There are many things I haven't done that I want to do...

Let me explain

My neighbor has this gay co-worker whom through out the years has become a good friend of hers. Let's call him Confused.

I got the chance to really see Confused at my neighbors birthday party in May. I know that one does not have to fit the stereo type but this guy does not look or act gay... and on top of that I think he is pretty good looking. Not usually what I am attracted to but he is a good looking guy.

I tell my neighbor this and she tells me that he has had one girlfriend when he was younger and I guess she scared him out of liking girls, so he was into guys BUT that he was attracted to my neighbor once and has never been with a girl so she says he is just confused. She says he shouldn't shut girls out completely until he has been with one. On top of that he is a real shy guy so for him to get to know a girl is difficult.

Halloween night comes along and my girls and I are looking better and sexy as ever. Confused comes in his Robin costume (I was dressed as a ballerina) and it all started in the car ride. We didn't have enough space so someone had to sit on top of someone else. Being that I am the smallest, I sat on top of Confused. My neighbor is winking at me the entire ride...

We get to the club and I was already into my third double shot of Vodka (I had been there 20 minutes) when I come back from the bathroom my neighbor says "IMWIR kiss Confused!".

I turn around and plant one on him. His lips were so soft that we just tapped... tapped... TONGUE. Yes, we were making out in the club. I spent my entire Halloween night making out with a gay guy. Most of the time I went to kiss him, that's how shy he was... or maybe it's that's how drunk I was???

We talked a lot. I can't remember half the shit we spoke about but at one point he is talking to me about his family and acceptance from his father. Good conversation to have at a Halloween party held in a strip club while drunk. I go on to tell him my story about the last time I tried with my father and that "I am still angry but he can pass away and I have no regrets, because I told him why". Mind you, now him and I are tearing in the club talking about this shit.

He says "give me your phone, I need to make a phone call". (He had lost his at this point at night)... We step outside and he is calling all his family members to try to get his dads phone number at 2 o clock in the morning crying. I was in utter shock at what was going on. I kept asking him "are you sure you want to do this?" He told me if he didn't do it at that moment, he was never going to do it.

I decided to back off, take a few steps back and just watch. He finally got his dads number and left him a voicemail that broke my heart. I started to cry watching him. It was basically telling him he knows he doesn't accept his life style and that's why he treats him different then the others but that he still loves him, and told him the reasons he was angry- mostly for things that he has done to his mother. That's all I will put up here out of respect for the situation.

When we left the club I got dropped off at his house, I told him I wanted to cuddle (he had to be up for work an hr and a half later). We lay down in bed and cuddle... and we started to fall asleep when I turned to face him and my hand landed on his inner thigh.

I got to business.

I wasn't too aggressive with anything, I kinda wanted to let him do what he wanted with me since he "had never been with a girl."

I'm calling bull shit when I see it.

Although he was very gentle (per my request) he knew what he was doing.

We ended up waking up LATE. He had to be at work at 7 and we woke up at 7:45.

I woke up with my thong and pantyhose hanging from one leg. I slipped it back on, threw on my leotard and tutu and walked out. This walk of shame reminded of something out of My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler.

He paid for my cab to go home and I stood outside of my building in my tutu hoping someone was awake to open the door. I had no keys or no cell phone on me. My mom was awake. I made up some bull shit excuse as to why was I coming home at 8 in the morning still in my costume and went to bed.

I am about to go talk to my neighbor now so I'll have his side of it later. He did tell her he wants more of me.

I had sex with a gay guy and I was the first girl he had ever been with. I might have just turned him straight.

FYI: Girls Poop Too

To go or not to go?

I plan on writing a few of these but I decided to make the first one a little interesting. My neighbor has been dating her guy 9 years and she refuses to fart in front of him.

I think that is ridiculous. Whoever I am with is going to have to know I pass gas. After 9 years, we better be comfortable with each others stink.

Farting almost goes hand in hand with taking a dump. Something Scarf said stood out about how brave he thought I was when he thought I was taking a shit (when in reality I was throwing up) and he admired that because some girls will come up with some weird excuses to leave when they have to release.

How have you broken the ice, if ever?

Every new guy means a new experience, and having to do this all over again. Here goes how I've handled a few of mine.

El Difunto:He had his own apartment. I never lived with him but would stay over from time to time. He had a stand up shower that fit ONE person so taking a shower together was not an option. I would turn on the shower and handle my business and just pray that it didn't smell.

Ex Fiance: We went on a weekend trip to Montreal 2 months and change after we started dating. While in the shower I thought I could let one go without him hearing it. It sounded like a quacking duck and HE HEARD IT! You better believe after that situation all shyness went away. He has been the one I have been most open to about my body functions.

Scarf: He doesn't know yet but during one of my throw up sessions I took a shit. It was one of those "I've been throwing up for hours and can't deal with holding it in" things so I just went. He was sleeping.But we have this road trip coming up. We will be together for over 2 weeks, I'm pretty sure I will have to let him know I GOTTA GO.

Fitness: When I would stay over I would use it while he went to go get breakfast outside.Any other time with other guys I never really stayed over to the point where I couldn't hold it until I got home.

Pls feel free to share one of your boys and #2 bathroom experiences.