Good Bye Oh Nine

I just read StarGazr's last post and oh shit did my heart go out to her. She had a boyfriend (who she also referred to as boo!) who found out about her blog and that was that (I am assuming, I don't know any details). I found myself nostalgic, and not in a good way. I got this flood of emotions, the heart ache, feeling of desperation when you are in love and it isn't going your way.

I remember my heartache with El Difunto is what drove me to therapy (and it worked). By the time I had my falling out with the Ex Fiance I had experienced heartache and just applied my therapy to that situation. It was still hard (and as you can see still am struggling).

I look forward to reading her future posts, whenever she is ready to return! (Everyone needs their time to heal).
------------------------------------------------
New Years Eve is upon us. Ahhh yes!

• Little slutty dress ::check::
• Manolo's ::check::
• Homies in tow ::check::
  

12 bad girls have confirmed, a few more might surprise us. The little sis is legal now, this New Years will be a good one. The Ex Fiance might come to the club with us, if not, Pang offered her services for the New Years kiss (she was my New Years kiss last year... It was a pleasant surprise lol, she caught me off guard).

In 2009 I:
-broke off my engagement
-celebrated my 25th birthday in Ireland
-got Lasik
-dated Fitness (remember him?)
-fell in love with salsa
-went to the beach almost every other day this summer
-didn't get into the academy TWICE
-haven't worked all year. Thank you unemployment.
-moved back to my parents house
-had to give away my dog because I^
-had a weird relationship (not sexual) with a 40 year old man (Scarf)
-went on a cross country road trip
-went to the Bahamas
-for the first time experienced sex against my will
-swam with dolphins and sea lions
-sky dived
-learned how much I really love the Ex Fiance
-hosted a fundraiser
-drank a lot more then I've wanted to (I don't usually drink this much, and honestly think I have a bad reaction to alcohol. My heart beats weird the day after)
-build a tolerance for Merlot
-dressed up for Halloween
-was the first girl a gay guy has ever been with

Here is to a better 2010! See you next year bloggers :)

Grand Canyon Lovin' Preview

I don't feel like doing too much writing about this so I will copy and paste a conversation I had on gmail with one of my best friends Break Dancer. Ladies, he is the shit.

Participants:-------------In My World I ROCK (IMWIR) , Break Dancer
Messages:---------
Break Dancer: Word! I hate itttttttt
IMWIR : Me too. I don't think anyone likes being broke
IMWIR: Yo so u want to hear the latest
Break Dancer: Tell me lol
IMWIR: I went to sleep over Scarfs house
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : Where do I begiiiiin
Break Dancer First time?
IMWIR: Sleeping over, no- the first time I slept over was the night I THREW UP
IMWIR : Remember my blog
Break Dancer: Ooooh yea haha
IMWIR : K
IMWIR : So...
IMWIR : That time nothing happened cuz... Well... I was throwing up.
Break Dancer: Right
IMWIR: In short: 1-he is a horrible intense kisser (but okay when it isn't a heated kiss)... But great orally... 2- we didn't have sex because he told me he wants to wait until the grand canyon BUT he has a small package... 3- I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance.
Break Dancer: Woah
Break Dancer: Hold on
Break Dancer: Take it back lol
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : To which one
Break Dancer: 1 you are just figuring out now he's a bad intense kisser like u say?
IMWIR : No
IMWIR: Wait
Break Dancer: Oooh ok
Anel : I said he is an okay kisser but you know when things get intense... Sometimes the kiss changes
Break Dancer: Lol yea
Break Dancer: Yo i'm laughing here
IMWIR: So he is horrible at the but when he is kissing anything that isn't my lips its great
Break Dancer: Hahahha
Break Dancer: Lmao
IMWIR : Lol
IMWIR : Jesus
Break Dancer: So a man that wants to wait? That's strange
Break Dancer: Also about his little problem. Tell him to try one of those pills on tv. Maybe it will work lol
IMWIR : I'm not telling him shit
IMWIR : After the road trip it won't matter
Break Dancer: Why?
IMWIR : I am still in love with the ex fiance.
Break Dancer : So after the trip u are going to dead scarf?
IMWIR : I don't know what to do
IMWIR : I enjoy him
IMWIR : And I know I'll have fun on this trip and its fucked up of me to go on this trip and accept all his dates knowing my heart is somewhere else.

*END CONVO*

Jesus how fuckeD up am I?

I really do enjoy Scarf but being in bed with him... didn't feel right.
When I was with Fitness I didn't mind being in bed with him at all.
How fucked up is it of me to think- thank god he wants to wait until the Grand Canyon, that's half way through the trip and the other 4 days my sister Pang will be sharing a room with us in Vegas! Then we have just 3 days.

I almost deleted that last bit because I felt THAT HORRIBLE writing it... but what's this blog for if I have to censor it?

Who knows- hopefully I come back from this trip and have to EAT MY WORDS because his intentions are super sweet. He wants me to dress up for a photo shoot in my elegant dresses in the Grand Canyon- he is bringing his professional camera for this.

He is booking a bunch of fun activities like a helicopter ride in the Grand Canyon, rock climbing, seeing shows...

Although, I probably won't be getting much sleep on this trip. HE SNORES.

FYI: Girls Poop Too

To go or not to go?

I plan on writing a few of these but I decided to make the first one a little interesting. My neighbor has been dating her guy 9 years and she refuses to fart in front of him.

I think that is ridiculous. Whoever I am with is going to have to know I pass gas. After 9 years, we better be comfortable with each others stink.

Farting almost goes hand in hand with taking a dump. Something Scarf said stood out about how brave he thought I was when he thought I was taking a shit (when in reality I was throwing up) and he admired that because some girls will come up with some weird excuses to leave when they have to release.

How have you broken the ice, if ever?

Every new guy means a new experience, and having to do this all over again. Here goes how I've handled a few of mine.

El Difunto:He had his own apartment. I never lived with him but would stay over from time to time. He had a stand up shower that fit ONE person so taking a shower together was not an option. I would turn on the shower and handle my business and just pray that it didn't smell.

Ex Fiance: We went on a weekend trip to Montreal 2 months and change after we started dating. While in the shower I thought I could let one go without him hearing it. It sounded like a quacking duck and HE HEARD IT! You better believe after that situation all shyness went away. He has been the one I have been most open to about my body functions.

Scarf: He doesn't know yet but during one of my throw up sessions I took a shit. It was one of those "I've been throwing up for hours and can't deal with holding it in" things so I just went. He was sleeping.But we have this road trip coming up. We will be together for over 2 weeks, I'm pretty sure I will have to let him know I GOTTA GO.

Fitness: When I would stay over I would use it while he went to go get breakfast outside.Any other time with other guys I never really stayed over to the point where I couldn't hold it until I got home.

Pls feel free to share one of your boys and #2 bathroom experiences.

Stern v. Free Spirit

Since I've been slacking on the blogging, I decided to blog randomly to make up for loss time.

You might not remember His Boys Girl...
(read about her in the highlighted link)

She's been very good to me ever since I met her. She had asked me how I was and I didn't answer, a few days later (yesterday) I sent her this email:

Hey His Boys Girl,

I know this email is RANDOM...I have some stuff on my mind. I've spoken to my girls about it but of coarse their opinion is going to be biased, even though they try to be as truthful as they can.

Obbbbvvvviioooussslllyyy this e-mail is about Fitness lol...I don't understand why I am having trouble with this. I know he and I cannot be together, our personalities don't mix. He is stern and serious, I am a free spirit and like to laugh- even at things that are serious... You have to find some humor in it (at least I do). In the end, this is the real reason behind all of our problems.

I felt I couldn't open my mouth without there being something wrong with what I said so eventually I stopped talking. That ended up being a problem as well. That's no way to live, when communication is fucked ITS FUCKED. Its weird because I'm not one to ever have a problem with communicating with someone. I actually pride myself in my ability to talk out a problem, maybe not at the exact moment but give me a few minutes and I'll be good.

I told him from the get that I wasn't ready for the downs that came with being with somebody. Usually I am a much stronger person when it comes to dealing with this but I knew I didn't give myself enough time. I've written and erased a few times looking for the right way to word this but I can't so here is a weak attempt: The thing I'm having a hard time dealing with isn't the fact that we aren't together. I understand the reasons why and the desire I had to work things out isn't there because I need to be with somebody who loves and accepts me... ALLLLL of me, and vice versa. I want to be able to grow and be able to make mistakes without being worried that I won't be forgiven if its not something major. Walking on eggshells isn't something I could get used to... But I won't deny that I loved him and it seems he is having a much easier time with this. For the most part I am okay until I get reminded...

Anyway, thanks for reading :), I hope your anniversary went well.

IMWIR

Duty Calls

When Fitness and I broke up I found myself talking to the Ex Fiance about it and he was surprisingly very supportive. I have never told him Fitness and I were an item but he wasn't stupid, it was unspoken knowledge.

When I told him Fitness said I was unstable he said "you aren't unstable, you are just delicate. It takes a special kind of guy to be with you IMWIR and that guy is ME!" I bursted into tears. Until this very moment I did not realize how dependant I was. Even through our break up, and me being with Fitness I still spoke to the Ex Fiance every other day about nothing, or something.

It's reminds me of the break dancer, I know I could always count on him to tell me the truth without being harsh- and laugh about the situation if need be.

I've been asked many times- especially by Fitness... WHY do I still keep in touch with the Ex Fiance.

Despite his downfalls, and the cause of the end of our relationship I was going to marry him for a reason. He will always be a friend of mine.

The Ex Fiance left to the Army on Sunday, the last two days before he left we made time to see each other and it was so easy to just sit and eat with him.

Saying good bye to him was hard. I cried, a few times while with him... I cried after seeing him... Even now, when I am alone I'll cry. I miss him. I guess you really don't know what you have until it is gone. I can no longer call him at random times when I am bored.

The break dancer tells me he thinks it is loneliness. The fact that Fitness and I are no longer together and then the Ex Fiance leaves. I do think that might play a part in why I am so sensitive BUT I don't think I would have missed him any less.

I've never really been good at good-bye's anyway.

Summers Gone By SO FAST

Starzgazr said it best- we have been slacking on our blogging... Well at least I have :-\





That's what the summer time does to me I suppose.





Another reason I have been slacking on my blogging is that I honestly don't like to blog when I am not happy and despite all the good things that have happened in the last month (stay tuned) I've had a hard time with

1. Feeling stuck due to the NYPD not hiring, it's the job I want and I have done everything in my power to make sure I got into the class that just passed and NOTHING. Thanks Bloomberg, I owe you one... No, really. psh. The only thing that has kept me positive is that the people who got in this class took the test in 2005. I took my test in 2006 so hopefully next class I AM IN.


2. Fitness and I are officially no longer together. This happened about 3 weeks ago. I am somewhat over it now lol but I don't know WHY I let the assholeish personalities get to me. He was so stern and set in his ways and not sympathetic, it reminded so much of El Difunto. Why is it that the two who are being assholes during the break ups are the ones I have a hard time getting over. It's a game I suppose and I had let them win.

Fitness and I are trying to remain friends now. He is a very distant friend. Whatever, in due time I guess. I promise I will blog about what happened another time.

I went SKYDIVING and it was one of the greatest rushes I have ever had. I never really considered myself much of a dare devil UNTIL I sky dived and listed all the things I have wanted to do in my life. Most of them are pretty risky compared to the people who surround me.

• Tattoo CHECK


• Lasik CHECK


• Sky Dive CHECK


• Boxed CHECK


• Attempted to join the military CHECK


• Semi nude pics CHECK

Ummmm okay, maybe I haven't done too much that would be considered risky.

Semi Nude pics. Please keep in mind I had a very amature photographer, I plan on doing another shoot in Sept. with a professional photographer... This photo is not one of the best ones but it didn't have my face in it, so it's the one I chose to put in here... It hasn't been edited at all except for the censored sign I have placed there myself lol.

THIS WAS A SHOT TAKEN WHILE I WAS GETTING READY FOR ANOTHER SHOT

I've been beach bumming it and just enjoying the summer. Dancing lots of salsa and putting all my bathing suits to use!

Later Bloggers!

Cap on Phone Calls at 25

I haven't felt much like blogging lately...

In my last post, my cousin THAT GIRL asked me why am I still talking to my Ex Fiance.

The Answer: The same reason she still talks to NOTtheOne and the same reason the majority of the female population talk to their ex's even though they know they shouldn't... I DON'T KNOW!

Which leads me to my next topic- I hung out with the Ex Fiance yesterday and it just reminded me of why I fell for him to begin with. It is a thing of comfort I suppose. I can be my true self with him and not worry about a thing. Inside jokes, passing gas, all that good stuff. If the guy wasn't such a damn liar. UGH. Needless to say- we held hands and kissed. It felt great.

You guys are probably wondering "what about Fitness? Poor thing". POOR THING NOTHING! He and I haven't been in the best of terms, not that that is any excuse...

BUT... the blog is called LET ME TELL YOU MY SIDE, because in this blog... my side is what matters.

As you get to know someone, their true colors come out. Fitness has a strong personality and so do I. When we disagree we have the ability to talk without raising our voice but he will not back down and then get's a little cold and somewhat of an attitude and then when I adress him about it he calms down and acts like he didn't have an attitude to begin with.

Keep in mind the following pionts before I tell you this story:

1. I live in the city, I take the train.


2. I check my voicemail about 3 times a month. (Text me if you want me to get back to you).


3. I rarely pick up the phone when I am at a table eating.


4. Fitness is a personal trainer, and each of his appointments start at _:00 on the dot.

Got that? Cool.

I went downtown to meet up with the Ex Fiance and have lunch. Fitness knows this. Didn't have a problem with it. When I get out of the train I see I have a voicemail. I don't check it.

The Ex Fiance and I are ordering a quick meal at Pax and I receive a phone call from my little sister and my best friend... We kind of give each other this look and I put my phone on silent. We sit down to eat...

When we are walking to the Macy's after lunch I remember that I had put my phone on silent. I take it out of my purse to put it on normal, and see I have a missed call from Fitness along with a text stating that he has called me twice. I send him a text back because I know he was at work saying "sorry, I was at lunch". I didn't call him back BECAUSE I KNOW HE WAS AT WORK.

I come home and as I am getting out of the train I get another text saying that he called me again, I can kind of tell he is a little bothered. I text him "I just got out of the train". I immediately get a call from a bothered Fitness.

His arguement, he called me three times and hasn't been able to contact me.

My arguement, I got one of those three phone calls because twice he called while I was on the train. He knows I don't check my voicemail so if he wanted me to call him back like he said in the voicemail he left he would have mentioned it in the text he left when he told me he called. I didn't call back because everytime I noticed it was already passed the whatever o clock, he could have been with a client. Usually he calls me when he has some free time. Plus, it was only 5 o clock. He got out of work at 9, he is getting pissed as if he hasn't spoken to me for an entire day, he would have received a call at 9 when I knew he got out of work.

At the end of the conversation he tells me to call him later. I tell him to call me when he gets home from work, once he finishes unwinding.

He says "I called you enough today"

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

FML?

I rarely have FML moments. I usually shed the tears I have to and then look at the things I have to smile about.
Here are some of my FML moments:

• I didn't get into the academy. There is a hiring freeze. Thanks Bloomberg.
• Ex Fiance has been the one making me smile (via telephone) through all of this. Fitness has been too busy being sensative.
• I've had a craving to see El Difunto after my girls saw him at south beach. Shout out to my cousin THAT GIRL who immediately called me when she spotted him out.
• Fitness has moved back to his parents house. Which is a tiny two bedroom apartment. His mom has one room, his sister the other, and the father the livingroom. I see lack of sex in my immediate near future. Or atleast lack of sex with him.
  

Word. I need to find myself a Spoilmerottenguy like Dizzy.

Semi Nude Photo Shoots and God in one blog

That's right bitchessss (and I mean that with love)...

This girl right here is taking her semi nude photos on Wednesday.

It's something I've always wanted to do but never found the courage, the money, or the body wasn't right.

I am 25 and my body is as good as it is going to get unless I start to starve myself. I am 5'2 average weight 102 pounds. After a weekend of dancing I am 99 lol.

I've been letting my bush grow so I can get a Brazilian wax the day before the shoot. I can't stand hair on my body so this has been a tough one for me. I went to the beach twice this weekend and had to try to pull off a string bikini with a bush.

I went in the water and after every wave I would stand hunched over holding my crotch like a little kid that had to pee.

If the pictures come out good maybe I will block out my face and put one up. BIG MAYBE.

Love life update: Fitness and I had our first real fight this weekend... over my way of handling the possibility of wanting to move to Florida if I don't get into the NYPD academy... and this is when I realized, I care for this doof more then I thought I did.

I had been training for an agility test I HAD to pass if I wanted to even be considered for the JULY NYPD class... I had taken this test and failed it before because I hadn't been working out as hard... the people there remembered me and were so supportive. I think a few of them were trying to flirt but FUCK IT- I was too nervous to care.

As I began the test I thought I was going to take a shit in my sweats. I paced myself to make sure I didn't exhaust myself for the next stage (it was 6 stations- a 6 foot fence climb, a stairs section, pulling and pushing 80 pounds of force, a short jog, a 180 pound dummy pull, and a trigger test- shoot 16 times each hand... sounds easier then it is).

I PASSED.

I really want this. I feel cheated out of this experience, I was suppose to get in January and the mayor decided to make cuts. I have my feelings about this but I will not bad mouth political figures on my blog. I know a few people who are on the job just for the benefits, this is what I want to do, I love criminal justice. I swear, it is my calling.

Fitness tells me he prays for me everyday because he can tell- it is affecting me, the possibility of not getting in. I've cried alone at the thought. I've literally put my life on hold in hopes of getting in this class.

Pang's sorority sister tells me she is praying for me. I am flattered so many people are praying for me to get what I want. She recommends I go to church and pray too.

I haven't been to church since Sept 12, 2001.

I decide, I'M GOING TO CHURCH.

So I make my way. There are 3 big entrances.
I try one, it is locked.
I try the second one, it is locked.
I try the third one, it is locked.
I stand on the stoop of the church and stare these doors down for about one minute.
I suck my teeth, I AM GOING TO PRAY AND NO LOCKED DOORS ARE GOING TO STOP ME. I sat down on the stoop of the church, bowed my head and spoke to God... I hope he heard me over the noise of New York streets.

. sex

There are many kinds I can blog about:

• Birthday sex
• First date sex
• Break up sex (I had it with el Difunto)
• Make up sex
• Casual sex
• Oral sex
• Anal sex
• Lack of sex

This list can go on and on.

Today ladies and gentlemen I will talk about the kind of sex that can be gross to some and not a big deal to others: (DISCLAIMER, this might be too much to handle for some)

PERIOD SEX

Oh yes. I went there. Per request of os (older sister Pang).

I had never had Period Sex until I met Fitness. The guy is just too hot without clothes and honestly, the man knows how to touch me. I LOVE IT. I'm side tracking aren't I?
Ok, so obviously the day was going to come where he was going to hang and I am on my period. It had happened twice and here I am with a bloody and now wet tampon, it was frustrating.

Ofcoarse I brought this up with my girls. The first one I spoke to was Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa tells me she does it all the time... so I did it.

A little detail on how it happened: we started to get hot n' heavy. I said "give me a minute, let me check myself". I went to the bathroom, my tampon slid riggggght out since I was wet. My method was, if I wasn't bleeding heavy it's a go! It was a go. He knew already, plus I was extremely nervous I would get some on his sheets. Everything went off without a hitch, until he got out, there was a slight red ring around his penis. I dug my face in my hands and laughed, he laughed with me... kissed me and told me it was okay.

When I went to clean myself that's when the blood decided to flow a little. GOOD TIMING! Whew.

The next day, I had an itch.

...

...

I HAVE NEVER HAD A VAGINAL PROBLEM... I felt like I should be rubbing my vagina against a tree. IT WAS BAD. SO I approach Sassy Daisy about this. She tells me I probably have a vaginal infection, it's normal- most women get it at least once, and I should go to a doctor if it's my first time. We get into what might have caused it and I tell her I had sex on my period. She says that might have been the cause.

I laugh because I should have known better then to listen to Mother Theresa, she (along with my neighbor) are what I like to call closet nymphos (they both have boyfriends to be nymphos with).

Everything is okay now but I will remain sex free during period season.
Ladies and one man who reads this, any experiences with this?

Cabin Fever Log

This past weekend I went away with Fitness and his friends to a cabin that belongs to one of his friends fathers. The cabin is aprox 2 hrs away from the city. I jotted down my experience as it went by, or at least tried to.

I arrived last night. It was a quiet night, we played Apples to Apples and they drank beer. I tried to teach Fitness a little salsa, he's got potential, he just has to get comfortable with it. Then we just sat and talked shit for a little while till we decided it was time for bed.

It is 9 of us in this house. They went food shopping for the weekend and the food bill was $500. That's not including the liquor and accessories (like bug spray). Its not that bad considering the amount of people here and how much they eat.

Fitness and I have never poo-ed when we have been together... I guess there is a first time for everything! I was never shy about announcing that I had to take a crap in front of the Ex Fiance. In fact, to get him back at times I have passed gas on his lap. TAKE THAT!

Anyway. We are here now with all of his friends. They are playing beer baseball. Its baseball and the whole time you have to play with a cup full of beer in your hand with the exception of when you are batting. It looks pretty fun but I have sat this one out.

1-i don't drink beer and

2- I'm training for an agility test and my knee has been acting up.

I decided to take it easy on the sports this weekend since I won't give up dancing on the weekdays.

I'm just in my bathing suit on a lawn chair. The area is beautiful. Very peaceful and scenic but all these bugs are about to give me an anxiety attack. I have a insect phobia and it's just really uncomfortable trying to do anything around here. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me.

Being here with his friends has really made me miss mine. His friends are cool but they are very different from my friends. I think I'm getting homesick and I've only been away one day! It doesn't help one bit that my cell phone gets no service up here!

...5 hours later...

It is 7 p.m. And we have not left the house. I am a little upset by this because I had expectations. I was told if the day was nice we were going on a nature hike and also that there was a waterfall nearby. They played beer baseball all afternoon and I stayed in because the amount of bugs outside was just ridiculous. Fitness said it himself that in the 7 yrs he has been coming to this cabin it has never been this bad.

Now they are outside playing beer pong and smoking cigars. Again, they look like they are enjoying themselves but this isn't how I like to spend my time. I find myself looking at the clock wondering when is it time to go to bed so that the time to leave gets closer. Sounds fucked up, and its not that I don't like these people... I think they are the shit. I love to see the bond they have together. It is really strong.

He is out there smoking his cigar knowing that I can't stand smoking. It makes me think about the Ex Fiance, he would never do anything like that. Then I catch myself, it isn't fair of me to do that... Compare situations. No two people are the same and NOBODY is perfect. Fitness hardly ever smokes cigars except on special occasions like weddings and what not. I mean this is no wedding but it is one of his best friends 26th birthday and allllll of his close friends took the weekend off to be here in this cabin.

I brought my good friend COFFEE PATRON to help me out this weekend. I usually don't drink but I had a feeling that I might need to this weekend. I made the mistake of buying a small bottle (that's the only one they had at the liquor store, I should have bought two)... I don't think it'll do enough to tank me but anything to help I'll take!

I never ended up writing after this last paragraph but I drank that small bottle of Patron myself (on the rocks with a little bit of skim milk), got drunk with the birthday boy. He and I had a blast. I had some good sex with Fitness, not the birthday boy. And that was that. All in all the weekend was not too fun for me but I made the best of it. I can't say I would do it again with them.

The Kiss

I've gotten a few requests about this kiss I mentioned in the last blog. I honestly was not going to write about it because then I would be giving this guy importance and I am trying not to....

... But my loyal readers... All 5 of them lol... Have requested DETAILS so here we go!

I am a LOVER of Merengue Tipico.

I find out Geovanny Polanco is in town. Pang and I get investigating quick and find out that on this same night he was performing at a spanish club in Queens (El Gran Rancho Jubilee).

Its 7:45 p.m. when we find this out. By midnight we are at the club.

Pang and I are standing on the side of the dancefloor looking at some people making fools of themselves (one of the many reasons why I love sobriety). We are bopping to the music when this guy comes up to me. He says hello and asks me when did I convert from rasta to hick (for those of you who didn't know, I was a big fan of reggae). Obviously he knows me and he looks familiar but honestly I couldn't remember who he was.

He notices that I am not recognizing him and reminds me that he knows me through (mutual friends name). Aha! Now I remember. We gets-a-talking. He asks me if I'm drinking anything, I tell him no. He asks me if I want something to drink, and I tell him no. He is shocked and tells me he isn't going to roofie my drink (lol... THE HANGOVER, go check it out). I explain to him that I don't really drink... Usually I get Red Bull and Cranberry. He grabs my hand and takes me to his table and makes me a Red Bull and Cranberry.

We start dancing, Pang is also dancing with his friend... And that's how the night was spent. Those boys all could dance! This means we must chill again.

The entire night he didn't let me leave his side. Anytime I moved too far for him to reach me he would go get me and bring me back. I knew something was going to be up, he kept kissing my cheek while we danced and anytime we made eye contact and I smile he would have this look on his face (ladies, we just know this right?).

Side note: Geovanny Polanco's performance was not disappointing as usual.

We exchange numbers, Pang and I call it an early night (3:30 a.m.) because she works the next morning.

Fast forward to Saturday night. I'm out with the girls. I was suppose to hang out with Fitness but Sassy Daisy was having some boy trouble and what are girls for if we can't be there to make sure you don't stay home crying? I rearrange plans with Fitness and off to the spanish parties we go!

He hits me up and asks me what am I up to, he wants to see me. I told him what our plans were and he shows up to the place but couldn't get in because the friend he was with didn't have the appropriate shoes.

We leave and go to another place, a restaurant that plays good music. Everything is on them, drinks for the 3 girls (because I didn't get anything to drink), food, and the money for the valet parking.

We are sitting at the table and he is being super friendly with the waitress, actually with all of them. It didn't bother me but I mention this because the moment a guy took me out to dance he got upset and he let me know it when I sat back down.

I told him this is 2009. You don't bring me here and flirt with other women and expect me to sit here looking at the floor. Either pay attention to me or someone else will.

Anyway, we kissed on the dance floor. The man can dance and I my friends can fall in love on the dance floor. Plus I think he is a little cutie :x , him and his friends are funny as heck too.

We still talk bull shit on a daily basis, but he isn't a threat to Fitness. I know, its wrong of me... But whatever, I'll work on it.

All Men Cheat?

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT CRAZY!

Fitness (surprise surprise, another blog about Fitness lol) and I were talking on the phone about his work. He is telling me about this situation at work and here are they key points that lead to my discomfort:

• He met his manager at work for the first time who is an older female. Doesn't bother me.
• She seems a little friendlier with him then with the rest of the trainers. Still doesn't bother me.
• He thinks she has a crush on him. Nope, doesn't bother me...
• She jokes with him in a flirtatious way. Doesn't bother me.
• He jokes back with her. WHOA WHOA WHOA.
  

OK OK... I think of myself to be a pretty understanding person now that I am older (because I definitely wasn't when I was younger). I don't care if someone flirts with my boyfriend, I nor he cannot control the actions of another person, so why get upset at him?

WHEN YOU "JOKE" BACK ITS A PROBLEM.

I mean fine, I do believe in innocent flirting if you guys are not attracted to each other but if you know the old hag is crushing then why do it?

I spoke to him about this and everything is fine now. The woman is not a threat anyway, and I don't think, at this point atleast, that he would be doing something like that. It is very out of character for him. This happened a few weeks ago but I figured it was worth mentioning on a blog.

On another note... We were having wine night (the girls get together at a friends house, drink and talk shit till 5 in the morning) and obviously we were talking about men.

In attendance were:

1. Sassy Daisy (one of my GIRLS)
2. Big Bootay (a friend I met through Sassy)
3. NOT Eye Candy (a girl I met through Big Bootay, she is not that pretty but worth hanging out with because she is FUNNNNNAAAYYY)
4. Myself (IMWIR)

NOT Eye Candy is being very adamant about the following statement: ALL MEN CHEAT.

I disagree with this statement and her response to me is...

NOT Eye Candy: You are naive and this is why you will get cheated on.

IMWIR: What does it matter if all men cheat anyway?

Personally, she must be bitter about something but I wasn't going to take it there. I just let it go. She says it doesn't have to be physical, it can be by just looking. Jesus, doesn't everyone look? Fuck, I look at girls too if they are really hot, does that mean I am a lesbian and a cheater?

The good, the bad, and the FAT

I am gullible when it comes to things I don't have good knowledge on. I trust peoples words more then I probably should sometimes.

Chicago Sane is looking out by telling me that I need to be careful with false positives and I should get a second opinion in a few but killed my buzz lol- now I'm nervous all over again! Although McDreamy did say they would have to do another paps mere in a few months...
ChicagoSane, are you a blogging gyno?

Fitness does not like butterflies... They creep him out.

I do not like insects. I am fearful of them, and by fearful I mean the following things start to happen:

• Light headedness
• Rapid heart beat
• Inability to think properly- I just think RUN
• Sometimes gagging

This past weekend Fitness and I went to the zoo. I went to the zoo in Ireland but this was the first time I had gone to this specific zoo in about 3 years. When we get there I see they have a BUTTERFLY EXHIBIT. I heard the last time Fitness went to one of these things he almost punched a butterfly. Yeah, grown ass man fighting a butterfly. Ali said FLY like a butterfly, not fight the butterfly.

Out come my devil horns. I make him go into the butterfly exhibit, I want a good laugh.If you want a prime example of a plan backfiring here it is:

We walked into this tent and literally HUNDREDS of butterflies are roaming free. FIVE are in my face and instead of Fitness freaking out I turn whiter then I am, I got lightheaded and stuck my face in between Fitness arm and side.

I asked if I could walk out the entrance (with my face still dug in him) and they tell us no, we have to walk to the back and go through the exit...

MY PLAN COMPLETELY BACKFIRED. Instead of watching him freak out I was the one who freaked out. In fact, he told me that watching me that way helped calm him down and although he still doesn't like butterflies he thinks this experience has cured his fear. I'm glad I am able to help someone out there ::enter sarcastic smile here::

_________________________________________________________________

Now that we are on the topic... I think a lot of my attraction to Fitness is physical. Actually, scratch that, I know it is physical. If he was fat I wouldn't have liked him to begin with. I don't feel that bad about this though because he told me he can't picture being with a big girl.

I questioned him on this- I think its a little unfair being that sometimes girls have to bear children and loose their shape, get saggy skin or boobs you know... And he said that he wouldn't leave his wife or woman he loves for it unless she got obese and didn't want to do anything about it but at this stage in his life physical attraction is very important.

Opinions anyone? What's your take on dating big people?

The Story Behind the Men Series: Fitness

A few years ago a sorority sister of my blood sister PANG had randomly text me for a favor. She was writing an article for the New York Post about Cinco de Mayo and needed people to come pose for some photo's for free.

Me in a newspaper, I'M ALL FOR IT.

I was working at Wollman Rink at the time and I guess whoever made my work schedule forgot that they said it was okay for me to take the day off. I had gotten a phone call from the manager on shift asking me where I was, and why was I late...

I explained that the manager in charge of the schedule knew and confirmed that I can have the day off.

They asked me to come in anyway. I was on my way to the train station ready for the photo shoot. I thought about it... I felt bad for the manager calling me, he was and still is a friend and I know he wouldn't ask if he didn't need me.

I told them to try and find someone else, if absolutely no one else could make it I would take a cab from the photo shoot to work.
I never got a phone call...

You never know the moments that can start a chain of events.

At the photo shoot I knew NO ONE except Pangs soro sis. Fitness was there and was one of two guys who kept constant conversation with me going.

The photo shoot was hilarious. We had to sit at the dinner table ACTING like we were eating. One photo he had to pour a drink in my glass as I sat at the dinner table. He had to pour slowly so the photographer could get a few good shots and the whole time he and I could were fighting the fake smiles, we wanted to burst out in laughter.

He had a girlfriend and at the time I was seeing El Difunto (his story is coming soon, I promise). We exchanged screen names to keep in touch and kept it moving.

We spoke a few times on AIM. Nothing ever really happened. Then Facebook became popular, we found each other through that... but no big deal. He was one of those people you accept because you know them and I'm pretty sure it was the same for him.

He invited me to a few house parties that he had, and his birthday but I never went.

::Fast Forward maybe 3-4 yrs later::

While going through hard times with the Ex Fiance it happened. I wrote something on my Facebook status along the lines "I can't believe it". Fitness has a good sense of humor and wrote something funny but then realized (I am assuming its from comments other people had left) that it was something serious. He felt horrible and wrote me a message apologizing and expressing how bad he felt and how sorry he is to see that I am hurt. He asked if I wanted to go talk over coffee.

I've never been one to be discreet about my business, or at least things that are obvious. I like to talk about my problems, and why not talk to a somewhat fresh face. Sometimes talking to your friends isn't your best bet because their feedback might be biased, and rightfully so.

We met up in Starbucks on West 4th, you could tell he was a little nervous for some reason. I could NOT stop looking at his guns. Man, I never really understood how men undressed women with their eyes in public UNTIL I met up with Fitness. I straight up wanted to take his clothes off. ::cleaning up drool:: what were we talking about?
Oh yeah, we took our coffee and sat at a pizza shop...

...

...

We spoke for 2 and a half hours.

The only reason I left was because I had already told my sister I would meet up with her at a bar to celebrate an accomplishment at work.

When we said goodbye we gave each other a hug. I thanked him for the coffee and good talk and he said that we should hang out again.

While at the bar I text him to let him know I arrived, and thanked him again. He responded "maybe dinner next time?".

... That's how it all began...

A little mathematics: Fitness + no clothes = very sexy.

Sex at Park Pl

I swear- my sex life has never been this FUNNY.

I laugh about these things now but at the moment they weren't so funny. Here is my latest:

Fitness has two roommates.

One roommate's room is RIGHT NEXT to Fitness room. The only thing separating their rooms is a thin wall. When I am over I can hear the next door roommate's conversations... Which mean HE CAN HEAR OURS.

One night we were getting hot n' heavy.

I realize that it is 3 something in the morning and I KNOW the roommate is home. I tell Fitness we shouldn't... I don't want to disturb the roommate. Fitness isn't really caring- his penis is ready to go! He says it doesn't matter, he is sleeping anyway.

Things are getting hotter...

And hotter...

I'm trying to be quiet...

I'm somewhat successful...

Until...

I climaxed.

:x

I know someone had to have heard me... And I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first time they have. I tell Fitness to please apologize to his roomies because I had a gut feeling they heard. This was like 3 weeks ago.

This past weekend he tells me they heard me and were joking about it. How embarrassing. I can't look at these guys in their faces now. I tell Fitness no more sex when people are home. He gets somewhat upset and says he moved out of his parents place to have privacy.

My argument back is... When you moved in with TWO roommates you knew privacy was going to be compromised. I'm not bitching about it, I'm fine without having sex while they are home. The thing is... By the time he gets home they are home too.

Looks like I won't be getting nookie for a while.

All You Can Eat is Not for the Weak

I've slept with my fair share of men (or boys in some cases). I have the ability to do what many girls can't... Be like a guy. Let sex just be sex.

I can count on one hand the amount of guys I have performed oral sex on... And I'm not even using the whole hand. I find oral sex to be a little more personal... And if I'm going to put your penis in my mouth you better be meaning something to me. Fallatio isn't my field of expertise. 

Fitness is well equipt. Very well endowed. I've tried and it has been impossible for me to make him cum orally. Usually my mouth gets tired and I have to stop. Lock jaw is not fun. His ding dong does not fit in my mouth comfortably the way the Ex Fiance's did (who, for the record, I could make cum in 28 seconds performing orally... Yes we counted. He made me feel like a champion dick sucker).

I don't get it though, Fitness twitches and everything... Tells me how good I am with my mouth... ???? He then tells me if I stroke it all the way to the top while performing that it will make him go.

...

...

...

It didn't work.

Blow to the ego, I am gracefully bowing out.

All you can eat contests is not for everyone.

Look Baby but Don't Touch

Sorry friends, I have been without internet.

This was written a week ago.

Things with Fitness have been going GREAT with the exception of his work schedule. I barely get to see him. He is up ranging from 5-7 a.m and gets home at midnight five days a week and Saturdays he works until 7 p.m.

This weekend we went to the STRIP CLUB.

I gathered my finest women- invited my man, and so did the girls. The only guys who showed up were Fitness, Mother Theresa's boyfriend, and some of his friends. This was a first for Fitness and I, I wanted to show him that going to a strip club with your girlfriend could be a fun experience. We get there and the guys and girls split ways. Not to my surprise, I wasn't worried or felt the need to hawk eye what he was doing. I was with my girls having fun. 

I got Fitness a lap dance and from the little bit that I saw he was very gentlemanly about it. I felt I was going more girl crazy then he was. Mother Theresa's boyfriend was grabbing and smiling and Fitness just stood back and smiled when girls did nice tricks. I thought maybe because I was around he was holding back. Every time he came near me I would stay with him a little while and then step away. Can you believe I got in trouble over this? He was upset because he wanted to spend time with me and he felt I kept pushing him away. I let him know that I just wanted to make it comfortable for him. I didn't know if he was holding back because I was there.

He said that I know he is a laid back person and even when he goes to the strip clubs with just his boys he goes to watch and have a few good laughs, not to touch. If I wanted him to grab like Mother Theresa's boyfriend was and me be ok with it that he didn't want to be in this relationship. I was acting like I wanted to be oblivious to what he was doing, he isn't going to be one way when I am there and another when I'm not. He has a girlfriend and doesn't need to go grabbing other women that way.

My boyfriend is the shit.

Facebook pictures

Fucking Facebook. Fucking social networking websites. I am bored at home so what else do I do?
I Facebook Stalk (please someone else confirm they do this too so I don't feel like a nut)
Surf through peoples pictures...
FITNESS turn comes up...

I'm surfing...

I'm surfing...

...
I see a picture of him and Crazy co-wo THE DAY I LEFT TO I R E L A N D out having lunch for her birthday (with a few other co workers, but of coarse she was sitting next to him).
My first thought: PSH! Que fea. (Read: How ugly)
No competition. I look way better (sorry for sounding so vein).
According to Fitness, she is a little unstable emotionally. Two against her, I WIN!
That's not why I am a little bothered.
What bothers me is that picture was taken once we already started "talking"... I mean it was the very beginning so he had no obligation in telling me BUT according to the story he told me... He stopped talking to her before then.

I keep clicking...
There is one of him with his arms around her in December. Again, I thought they stopped talking before then.
I see they have a few more pictures together and I get bothered. I DONT KNOW WHY- this happened before me and him got together. Fitness is a sweetheart but he isn't a sight for sore eyes (shit I am going to get in some karma fuck up for writing that)...

This isn't like me.
I did the only thing I thought would stop me from temptation of looking on.
I removed him as my friend.

---LATER ON THAT NIGHT---

Fitness works all day, so the only time we get to really speak is at night when he gets home from work. In very casual conversation (and I mean very casual) Facebook came up- this was the perfect opportunity to let him know without making it a big deal.

I told him.

It was a big deal.

Fitness: so you mean I can't go onto MY GIRLFRIENDS page?

IMWIR: nope.

Fitness: I don't understand. What happened?

IMWIR: I saw pictures of you and Crazy co-wo and got a little bothered. I knew there were more and I didn't want to get tempted to see them. The only way to make sure I didn't was to remove you. So for the time being I removed you.

Fitness is quiet for a while...

IMWIR: are you okay?

Fitness: I am untagging myself from all of these pictures. (The pictures weren't put up by hi,- they were put up by Crazy co-wo and his sister- Facebook addicts, you know how the system works)

IMWIR: oh jesus.

Fitness: I in no way want to make you feel uncomfortable.

IMWIR: Fitness you don't have to alter your FACEBOOK page because of me. Its facebook, that shit happened before me. I am just avoiding having to walk around upset because I saw a picture. When I am ready to handle that I'll let you know.

Fitness: like I wonder when were you going to tell me? If it didn't come up in this

conversation was I just going to click on your name and see that I can't go on it? I can't believe I am having a discussion about FACEBOOK.

IMWIR: noooo. I just didn't want it to be a big deal so I treat it as such. If I interrupt you at work to let you know I removed you from Facebook and WHY that would be me giving it importance.

Fitness: I can understand where you are coming from, when I used to see pictures of you and the Ex Fiance I used to get bothered...Excuse the big deal I made about it. I am so in love that I have become super sensitive to things. I feel like a girl.
(Disclaimer: these conversations I type are not word for word unless otherwise stated).

I hate Facebook. But I am addicted.

A-salted

Fitness went out to lunch with his female high school friend (HSF for High School Friend)...Originally we were suppose to meet up right after.

They met up at noon... I woke up early to make sure I was PREPARED:

• legs, arm pits, vag shaved a



• hair washed and a



• Mani and Pedi from yesterday a



• Cute new undies a

It is now 3 o clock and absolutely NO WORD from Fitness. I mean they met up at noon for lunch... So I sent this text:

Before I start to assume, I hope everything is alright and you aren't in some sort of situation.Now on with the assuming. I guess I should have warned you that I require SOME attention. If you tell me that you want to hang out today in the day time after your lunch with HSF (at noon)... I am expecting and planning for us to hang out in the day time after your lunch with HSF. If something came up, its cool- but I expect at least a text telling me our plans have changed, any form of notification would have done.Obviously, I am a little bothered and I'm not going to sit at home waiting to see if you call- so I am letting you know that I am cancelling tonight's plans... I don't like to hang out upset.I guess we can touch base through out the weekend to see what's up for Sunday.

He calls back immediately. In my head I'm thinking- it takes a pissed off text for a girl to get a little attention :( then men wonder why women are drama queens.

He tells me that since we spoke about going to a bar at 7 p.m. that he thought we were just going to meet there at that time. We never actually spoke about the plan change so he admits he was at fault and apologizes. He says that it is a little harsh of me to not want to see him until Sunday, but he understands my frustration.

I agree and we plan on still meeting in the bar at 7 (I can admit I was being a little stubborn... I still wanted to see him, I missed him). I ask him how his lunch date with HSF went. He tells me it was good, that he misses her and they spoke a lot about stuff she's been missing out on since she's been "so busy".

One story he told her was about this crazy co worker he dated. He was in a relationship for two years and a half that ended about a year ago. He started seeing this girl about a month after the break up and made it clear that he did not want something serious because he just got out of something serious...Crazy Co-Wo was okay with this, she understood. He said he really liked her and was seeing her for about a month when she kept talking him into having sex with her and he didn't want to- he wasn't ready for that BUT they would sleep over each others house and when things would get hot and heavy he would stop. (Of coarse the girl got pissed!) He said he would feel bad because she would think he didn't like her and he did but he just wasn't ready. (He sounds like the chick doesn't he?)...

They now have been seeing each other for two months I think (but not exclusively) and finally, he let's it happen. Hallelujah for the girl- THEY HAD SEX.Now she begins to change a bit... She asks him if he plans on seeing other girls. He says yes, they spoke about this before and she said she was okay with it. Crazy Co-Wo says NOT ANYMORE and well... Long story short she becomes a little bitter about it. It sucks because they work together... You know what is even crazier? He is telling me she is crazy and I CAN KINDA FEEL THE GIRLS PAIN :x.

He tells me in a discussion they were having at a lounge she threw salt on his pants. She Assaulted him hehe, get it?

She threw salt...

A salted, assaulted?

NO? Ok.

He tells me how he is now beginning to ignore her calls and what not.

And I sit here and think... Fitness has been nothing but good to me BUT that could be me one day! I explained to him that I can see where the girl was coming from... She was okay with him seeing other people when they began, but as she got to know him she fell for him...

... So did I...

He says that they had several discussions when they began about him seeing other people and she agreed, it was a mutual understanding. He and I felt the same for each other and I never agreed with him seeing other girls. He says sex changes everything and that's what happened with her.

That's why I have sex right away- get that shit over with.

Ok I'm kidding, sort of :x

Some people don't know how to handle casual sex?

Random side note: I'm listening to my ipod on the train, this shit went from Juan Luis Guerra "San Pedro de Macoris" to Luke's "I wanna Rock"... Lol shit is fucking with my head.

Anyways- I just got home from spending the night with Fitness and ladies and gents- I can't get enough of him :-x

I know people might think it is too soon but we've been seeing each other for 4 months now- exclusively less then a week lol. He tossed the L word out there and at the rate we are going... don't be surprised if I say it too in the near future.

My boyfriend is the shit.