Don't get used to this, I just want to bitch about work...

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I know I Am An Adult When I Am Making These Types Of Decisions...

Bloggers! Long time no see...

It's been over a month. I am sorry. Well, lots been going on! Where shall I begin. Right, well... this happened...

Yeap.

It was Tings.

You read right. WAS. I didn't keep it. It was a mutual decision. It is for the best, he and I aren't ready for that yet, it wasn't the right time for US. I had the support of a lot of people and felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders when the procedure was over. I know I did the right thing.
^ADULT DECISION 1^

HELLO NUVA RING!

Staying on the subject of Ting, I am in trouble. My feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger. I am happy to have him as a friend and more. It hasn't been peaches and cream this entire time (obviously, see above lol). We've gotten through everything together and have kept GREAT COMMUNICATION through it all.

The ex-fiance. Oh man I just had a hard talk with him yesterday. I had to let him know that I had to let go for real. I know he and I aren't going to work, atleast not right now. He had his chance to slide back in when he came back from boot camp and he didn't take it. It is time for me to be fair to someone else. The ex-fiance still had hope for us and would guilt trip me for not answering his calls. It hurt, but it needed to be done. I am going to miss him.
^ADULT DECISION 2^

The NYPD called me. I don't want to jinx it so all I will say is there is a high chance of a large class going in July. This might be my turn. ::FINGERS CROSSED::


Ting has to go to Vegas for a week for work. He bought me my flight so we could spend some time together assuming I will be getting into the July academy. I didn't think I would look forward to spending an entire week alone with someone like this. I bought a few sexy little things to thank him ;o)... I'll let you know how it goes.
 
FYI I am almost up to my 100th blog and I don't know what to do with that lol.

Wooooo Zaaaah

Funny I just read a blog post about someone wanting to start a new blog because she feels she has blogging constipation.

I get like that when I am not happy.

Unhappy me -> No blog post.

I noticed I don't like to blog about things that are really important. For example, things within my family, the way things are going with the ex fiance, or the NYPD.

Well... Seems I didn't make it into the NYPD January class. Thanks again Bloomberg. You are swell. (I make it a point not to talk politics on this. I will keep my true opinions to myself).

I am going on to two years of this same nonsense, I'm at my breaking point already. I am right for the job and am ready to get my career started. I don't want to be stuck behind a desk- unhappy at a job I don't want. I won't settle. It's not in my nature.

They told me they can't keep cutting academy classes down- I am in there soon... My test number is up already (finally). They are hoping for a big class in July (how many times have I heard this line before).

I feel a void and I KNOW what's missing is my career.

I have applied to federal positions but even they are having freezes, but atleast they don't give false hope. Thanks for keeping it real Department of Justice.

I had the opportunity to have a job with the Department of Environmental Protection as an Officer. I was ready to start the academy, literally, I was just suppose to show up already. I called them up the day before and told them I wouldn't be accepting the offer (because it was far upstate and I was engaged, the ex fiance was working and going to school in the city). I won't lie, I have some resentment when I see myself in this situation. I listened to his mother who said it was unfair to him for me to leave. Let's not get me started on this though, don't want to open up that can of worms.

Wooooo Zaaaaah.

::thinking Salsa, it makes me happy. 1,2,3,5,6,7::
on Monday I find out if I am allowed to join the student dance team for the dance school I am currently attending. FINGERS CROSSED. I was told my dancing is up to par, they just need to find a partner for me.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, No, I Haven't Wondered How You Are but Thanks for Hitting Me Up

I hate that all my blogs have been about boys lately. I promise to write one about something else one day, but besides boys- all I have to talk about is salsa... And the fact that I don't have a job and the NYPD isn't looking good yet again. Bloomberg does not disappoint.

Twinkle... Oh Twinkle. What an ass.

He calls me and leaves me a message wishing me a happy new year. I check my voicemail twice a month (if you need me people know to text me, those I read every 37 seconds). I check my voice mail today and being the text whore that I am, I text him back thanking him and apologizing for my late response.

I was NOT expecting his response to this. In a nut shell...

He said me responding is senseless, that I am a bull shitter and he hopes I mature and stop bull shitting people. Apparently I have issues and he hopes I work them out and that I need to stop using the excuse that I am not happy with what is going on in my life to treat people the way that I do. He is happy where he is in his life and- I forgot what else he said. It was a total of like 10 long text messages.

I retaliated as politely as possible and told him I am very happy for him that he is in a good place in his life but apparently I am not the only one who needs to mature if I'm going around rubbing that in someones face who told you they WEREN'T in a good place in their life. I hope he gets a high out of trying to belittle people. He can't be upset because I decided to pay him no mind because I wasn't in a good place, if anything, I was doing him a favor. Who is he to question my motives... I have never been dishonest with him regarding that, and its low of him to say I was using that as an excuse to cover up me being with other men.

This happened in July and I wasn't in a good place, I hadn't gotten into the academy and I felt really lost.

I wished him good luck with his tour in Iraq and told him that unless he had something positive to say not to respond. I wasn't in his inner circle for him to speak to me that way.

I honestly do not understand... I never made plans with him and stood him up.
I never gave him false hope or ever mentioned wanting anything. On the contrary, I've told him I couldn't be in anything at the moment. (Fitness was still fading out the picture at this point).
WHY WOULD YOU HIT ME UP TO BEGIN WITH IF YOU THINK I AM A BULL SHITTER? His response to this was, he wishes even a murderer the best. Well, thanks for putting me in a category with a murderer, and thanks for going out of your way to wish my the best.

In the words of the Ex Fiance "bitter much?"

I had just gotten dissed by a guy shorter then me (I'm 5'2). Welcome 2010!
(Is it said two thousand ten, or twenty ten?)

Which brings me to my next point. My only new years resolution- text less and call more. The only person I reallllly speak to on the phone is the Ex Fiance... and on occasion the break dancer. I think I am slowly loosing my ability to carry a conversation on the phone.

FML?

I rarely have FML moments. I usually shed the tears I have to and then look at the things I have to smile about.
Here are some of my FML moments:

• I didn't get into the academy. There is a hiring freeze. Thanks Bloomberg.
• Ex Fiance has been the one making me smile (via telephone) through all of this. Fitness has been too busy being sensative.
• I've had a craving to see El Difunto after my girls saw him at south beach. Shout out to my cousin THAT GIRL who immediately called me when she spotted him out.
• Fitness has moved back to his parents house. Which is a tiny two bedroom apartment. His mom has one room, his sister the other, and the father the livingroom. I see lack of sex in my immediate near future. Or atleast lack of sex with him.
  

Word. I need to find myself a Spoilmerottenguy like Dizzy.

Semi Nude Photo Shoots and God in one blog

That's right bitchessss (and I mean that with love)...

This girl right here is taking her semi nude photos on Wednesday.

It's something I've always wanted to do but never found the courage, the money, or the body wasn't right.

I am 25 and my body is as good as it is going to get unless I start to starve myself. I am 5'2 average weight 102 pounds. After a weekend of dancing I am 99 lol.

I've been letting my bush grow so I can get a Brazilian wax the day before the shoot. I can't stand hair on my body so this has been a tough one for me. I went to the beach twice this weekend and had to try to pull off a string bikini with a bush.

I went in the water and after every wave I would stand hunched over holding my crotch like a little kid that had to pee.

If the pictures come out good maybe I will block out my face and put one up. BIG MAYBE.

Love life update: Fitness and I had our first real fight this weekend... over my way of handling the possibility of wanting to move to Florida if I don't get into the NYPD academy... and this is when I realized, I care for this doof more then I thought I did.

I had been training for an agility test I HAD to pass if I wanted to even be considered for the JULY NYPD class... I had taken this test and failed it before because I hadn't been working out as hard... the people there remembered me and were so supportive. I think a few of them were trying to flirt but FUCK IT- I was too nervous to care.

As I began the test I thought I was going to take a shit in my sweats. I paced myself to make sure I didn't exhaust myself for the next stage (it was 6 stations- a 6 foot fence climb, a stairs section, pulling and pushing 80 pounds of force, a short jog, a 180 pound dummy pull, and a trigger test- shoot 16 times each hand... sounds easier then it is).

I PASSED.

I really want this. I feel cheated out of this experience, I was suppose to get in January and the mayor decided to make cuts. I have my feelings about this but I will not bad mouth political figures on my blog. I know a few people who are on the job just for the benefits, this is what I want to do, I love criminal justice. I swear, it is my calling.

Fitness tells me he prays for me everyday because he can tell- it is affecting me, the possibility of not getting in. I've cried alone at the thought. I've literally put my life on hold in hopes of getting in this class.

Pang's sorority sister tells me she is praying for me. I am flattered so many people are praying for me to get what I want. She recommends I go to church and pray too.

I haven't been to church since Sept 12, 2001.

I decide, I'M GOING TO CHURCH.

So I make my way. There are 3 big entrances.
I try one, it is locked.
I try the second one, it is locked.
I try the third one, it is locked.
I stand on the stoop of the church and stare these doors down for about one minute.
I suck my teeth, I AM GOING TO PRAY AND NO LOCKED DOORS ARE GOING TO STOP ME. I sat down on the stoop of the church, bowed my head and spoke to God... I hope he heard me over the noise of New York streets.