Don't get used to this, I just want to bitch about work...

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Pulling at My Heart Strings

The Ex Fiance is in Vegas this week. His first real vacation.

We were engaged, he knew me and knew I loved vacationing. Any time I mentioned a vacation it wasn't anything of interest to him. To him, it was just another way to spend money. I guess looking at it from his perspective, someone whose never had a good vacation I can see why his excitement at the word vacation was lacking.
He's been good with the calling all the time... but when he does call the phone call does not go without an I love you, or an I miss you, or just a positive attitude that we can and will make things work at some point. That breaks my heart, he is so hopeful and patient with me. I tell him I am not ready to be with you. My fault for not telling him the truth about Ting.
Today he called to say hello and let me know he was still alive in Vegas and that he is having a good time.
"Boo, I am sorry. I want to take a vacation with you, this summer if possible. I can't stop thinking about you."
He is finally getting it... A year too late :*(

Never Have I Ever

I am suffering from Cabin Fever (being that I am stuck at home due to my oral surgery). Please, keep me sane. Let's play a game... shall we.

Let's play Never Have I ever:
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever drank a whole beer.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever smoked weed.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever had sex in a public space.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had phone sex.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had a threesome.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever thrown up in a club.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever cheated
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever started a street fight.
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever dine and ditched.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever been to Australia.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever owned my own car.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever sharted.

::one finger up::

SAY WHAT?!

Yes. It happened to me like three weeks ago. Needless to say, it was an experience. I thought it was a myth until I farted and felt my panties a little weird. I went to the bathroom to double check, cracking up at the though and there it was... the stain. I sat down and finished business while I was there.

WOMP

How Could I Tell Him No?

One time, because of a specific conversation, Scarf asked me if I have the heart to be honest with someone, even though I know it is going to hurt them.

I answered no.

Those of you who read this regularly know about my father...

Him and my mother are no longer together but sleep in the same apartment. My mom in my room and my dad in theirs. I know he feels very alone here, I could never imagine feeling that way in such a busy house hold. I know he is not comfortable in his own home. In most ways he brought that upon himself, but the man is human and I can't help but to feel for him.

It is 1 a.m. on a Friday night and my dad sneaks into the house, making sure he doesn't make noise with the door. To his surprise he finds me sitting on the couch (I was suppose to be away for the weekend but postponed the trip due to what I think is an ear infection). I can tell he has been drinking, he looks happy.

We shoot the shit about why I am not away, he goes back to his room and I go back to my computer. He comes back and asks me if I can check on the Internet for some concert he just heard about on the radio, it is one of his all time favorite artist. He swore when he came to this country 30 years ago that he would see this man perform, and never had the chance to. He doesn't want to let this one pass by.

He kneels next to me and I look online and find the concert. I ask him how much is he willing to spend.
Dad: The best seats available
IMWIR: Alright big baller, the best seat in the house is $170
Dad: That's okay
::I input the information and request for one ticket::
Dad: can you check for two? would you like to come with me? I don't really want to go alone.

I can't even keep a dry eye typing this. My heart was completely broken. I have my reasons to say no. Do I really want to spend three hours with the man who made me feel this, this, and this? NO. But he is my father and is obviously going through something I wish I never put myself through. It is always easy to blame someone else, facing yourself isn't. I refuse to see him in his casket and think "I wish I..."

He is aging already, I see it physically and even in his eyes. I think I would be crying harder if I had said no.

He asks me to go into his room to see a DVD of the artist. He was singing along to every song, smiling and chumming around with me. How could I tell him no?

Dad, despite the fact that I can't agree with the fact that you can't say you are sorry- something in me just doesn't let me tell you no,

Scarves Are SEASONAL

HIS SEASON IS UP!

I was not even going to blog about this but this made me laugh, made my mom laugh, and I am pretty sure it might make you chuckle.

If you read my previous post you know that Scarf has opted OUT of this friendship.He was being short with me before I even found out he decided being my friend was not his cup of tea (apparently, I have nothing but looks... according to him)... I already knew if I ever saw him again it would be interesting. He did not disappoint.

Today he calls me and asks me if I will be home in an hour, he will be in the city and wanted to drop my stuff off.
I told him if I am not home, my mom will be so to swing by anyway. He request that I be there to make sure everything I need is there. We arrange a time and that was that.

He calls me when he arrives and I go outside. He walks out of his car as I approach (doesn't even look at me). I am already smiling to help myself from laughing... He opens his trunk and gives me his back, this entire time he has a serious face on. I pick up the box (without looking at his direction either, two can play this game), say thank you, and start to walk off.
I had forgotten my Dominican flag, he takes out of his trunk and says "here!" and hands it to me a little aggressively (mind you, both my hands are occupied carrying the box). I flex my fingers on the bottom that are holding the bottom of the box and take the flag.

The entire time we didn't make eye contact or say anything but "thank you" and "here". Some one watching this would have thought we were going through a bitter divorce or something, obviously him being the bitter one because I had a smile on my face the entire time.

Lord knows what I have done to this man. Maybe he has access to this blog and I don't know about it but I have not written anything that is not true here. Besides, this blog is titled MY SIDE OF THE STORY, if he is bitter and wants to tell his side he can start his own blog.

It's winter, it's cold, but people have made it without scarves for many many years. I can live without this behavior. So many clues were there, thankfully this time I actually paid attention.

Late Night Movie MADE ME CRY

I rarely cry at movies. Its been known to happen where I TEARED with:

1. P.S. I Love You


2. World Trade Center (ok, I might have shed a few tears with this one...)

Its Thanksgiving night and I decided after family dinner to stay home for once (instead of going dancing). There isn't much on TV, so I go to the Free Movies on Demand channel. This channel mostly shows old movies, or movies I never heard of. Last time I did this I saw the movie Shattered (with Gerard Butler, I love that man). It was an okay pass time. Tonight I chose a movie called One Last Thing.

Its about a boy who has cancer and for his last wish he wants to spend the weekend with a super model. Its classified under comedy... I have never cried as much as I did through this movie (I guess watching a movie alone at night intensifies emotions???). This kid in the movie has been dealt one shitty hand... And has kept an attitude I can only hope to maintain if I was ever faced with the hardships he has.

I've always wanted to volunteer as one of those people who keeps people company in hospitals. Watching this movie has confirmed I will not be able to hold myself together. I have always had a thankful attitude, even if its just in my head, about the kind of life I live. I am healthy, I have love, shelter, and have fun. This is one of those movies that makes you realize what you have to be thankful for- and life is short. Ironically I watched this on thanksgiving night. Read my first post...