Bad Habbits Die Hard

Do you remember when El Difunto dumped me... While still naked on his bed after sex?

Do you remember that same night how I SOBBED on my mothers lap?

Or how OS (older sister) walked in and saw me puffy eyed and recommended we go out for a drink?

I remember going to Pizza Bar in the meat packing district, getting hammered off of their margaritas- taking one of my favorite pictures ever, of me smiling after a good cry... And you could tell.

I remember getting home- throwing up in the bathroom... And eating crackers on the bathroom floor.

I also remember waking up the next morning and thinking this horrible feeling I felt was a hangover... until the pain in my heart, the disbelief, and the desperation didn't go away... Not that day, or the day after, or the week after.

Time for HISTORY 101:

El Difunto- my ex boyfriend.We met when I was 15 at the iceskating rink.

At 16 we started dating. He was very serious and in love... To the point where it got too serious for me, I WAS ONLY 16.

I decided to end the relationship.

He always told me that when I was ready to just give him the word because he knew I was the one he wanted for the rest of his life (can you see why I was scared?!)

We dated on and off- but spoke all the time, we became good friends.

At 23 I decided I was ready.

We started dating.

He was a jealous guy.

4 months later he dumped me without explanation.

I experience my first heart ache.

I later find out he was scared.

He was getting a new apartment- making moves with his job... And he thought the next move was to move me in... (Please keep in mind I was NEVER the one to talk about moving in together or marriage).

So he ran (left me).

Coward.

Moving on...

A few days ago I get an email from Twitter "El Difunto wants you to follow him on twitter"

::Scratch my head::

This guy goes to great lengths to NOT be my friend.

Yet I get numerous emails that he wants me to follow him on twitter.

For some bizzar reason I decide to probe a little more and send him a text that reads: "Hey, I just got a few e-mails from twitter... I don't know if you sent those by mistake".

Don't ask me why I did this.

He replies that he sent it to everyone on his email list on his phone.

This was enough to spark the same conversation we have had twenty times.

He will always love me, I am the only girl for him, no girl has or ever will compare to me.

I tell him I care about him a lot, I never stopped and I always will but we had our differences and for some reason he decided to leave when he had me.

He says he was stupid.

I agree.

This goes on for like an hour.

Then he asked me if he can ask me out on a date.

I said yes.

LASIK Post Op Update

I would like to start off by stating that I am going to invest in Refresh eye drop stock.

You know, for someone who is FREAKED OUT by eyes you would think I wouldn't sign myself up for this procedure.

I am a paranoid fuck and in my head if something can go wrong- I think it is going to happen to me. Which is why I didn't read the cons to this surgery before hand. Wish I did. This is what I found:

-A result of the surgery during the healing process is DRY EYE- they cut a certain gland when cutting the flap and if that doesn't heal right you get permanent dry eye. I am suffering from this now and IT SUCKS. I hope it heals. I am going through these eye drops like a crack addict. I have to put them in my eye every 15-20 minutes as instructed for the first two weeks then taper down for the next 3 months.

-I haven't experienced any bad vision yet... thank goodness my shit has not gotten worst. I can see better but people have been known to see worst after.



As I sit down the day of the surgery they make me fill out this consent form. I have to rewrite each typed line...

I am aware that at the age of 40/41 I will need reading glasses.

::I rub my eyes to make sure I am seeing right:: <- Ironic lol. I am aware that at the age of 40/41 I will need reading glasses.

::SIGH:: I stand up and walk over to the front desk.

Me: Excuse me, I am suppose to have my surgery today... I already paid... what is up with this? ::point to the line I had to re-read.

Lady behind the desk: "Oh that is part of life, everyone will need reading glasses as they get older".

Me: >:[ ::walk back to my chair::

I fill out the form but don't sign it. I give it back to the lady and wait for my name to be called.



FAST FORWARD My nerves are killing me- so the lady gives me some Xanax :o) GOOD SHIT.

I sit in the room and wait for the doctor... and I start to feel a little drunk. Damn that Xanax. The doctor walks in.

Dr: Hey Ms. ________ you are looking pretty today

::thought in head: is he trying to butter me up? I already paid for the shit::

Me: ::drunken smile:: thanks.

Dr: Do you have any questions?

Me: Yes, I didn't sign the paper because no one told me the day of my consultation that I was going to go blind at 40.

Dr: You are so young, why are you worrying about that? Who knows, by then we might have a procedure to fix that as well.

Me in thought: WHAT?! Is he planning on suckering me out of 4 gs 20 years from now?! THIS IS NOT COMFORTING.

Dr: You need to sign this paper.

::Xanax kicking in a little more, I take the paper and sign it::

Me: So what is this healing process going to be like?

Dr: The procedure is painless. You might feel some minor discomfort the first night but no pain. You should be walking out of here seeing better.


LIES



The procedure was quick, that he did not lie about. It was painless, he didn't lie about that either. THANKS Doctor.



He did however fail to mention the following:

1. I could not see when I walked out of there, everything was a blur. (Maybe going clubbing that night was NOT a good idea).


2. My vision is slowly improving, it has been 4 days since the "procedure".


3. DRYNESS OF THE EYE.

What ever happened to being good in no time. I am just now being able to sit in a room with light. I cannot look at the computer or TV for too long. This dry eye business is frustrating me. I WANT TO RUB MY EYES SO BAD, people- don't take the ability to do this freely for granted (if you want a fun task try taking up NOT rubbing your eyes for two weeks...) I have to sleep with some damn goggles that once I am done with them I am going to have a party and burn them. (They have served their purpose though...)

Their is a possibility my flap might reopen if I do any serious contact sport. GOOD BYE BOXING.

I feel silly for being VAIN and I hope that this is not going to be Gods way of punishing me for anything I have done wrong in life. PLEASE LET MY VISION GET GOOD. I want to worry that I have super vision like my friend who also got the procedure done.

I am thankful nothing has gone wrong till this point and I can see better- I can see the time on the cable box ... YES! I hope I get my capability of tearing back. I almost tempted to watch a sad movie to see if I can cry.

They said no strenuous activity and NO WORKING out for the first two weeks. I didn't realize how addicted I was to doing sit ups until this happened. I find myself trying to find ways around this and making up non strenuous sit ups lol. I am a doof- I know.

Sex isn't strenuous if you do it missionary right? :x

Laugh at me now but I was scared to take a crap the first two days because I didn't want to push and then have my flap open.

Anyway- I will keep you posted with the progress.

God is good... God is great... blah blah... AMEN

Hello blog world.

I had a previous blog but decided to start a new one because the boyfriend knew about it. The stuff I have to write about I don't want him to read. For blog purposes we will change his name to HIM.

This specific blog is not about what happened with HIM- or any other romances going on in my life. I decided to make my first blog on this page a positive one, you know- start off on the right foot (I know you ladies want the juice... but suck it up and bare with me).

This year I turned 25. In the last few months I have experienced deceit, heartache, betrayal... you know, the kind of shit that happens in life (blog topic). Since the New Year good stuff has happened as well... and I do not need it to be thanksgiving to say THANKS.

• I have my health. THANKS ::check::


• I have said that before I pass I want to travel the world- I went to Ireland for three weeks and that could not have come at a better time. Ireland is beautiful and I needed to get away. Expensive but worth it ::check::


• I am going to get surgery to see better because I do not like to wear glasses. I am going to have to sacrifice extra spending to be able to pay up but fuck it- I WANT SIGHT. I am grateful I have the option to do this. THANKS ::check::


• My mother, this should have been top on the list. Talking about my love for her is like 3 separate blogs so I will just say THANKS for my mom. ::check::


• My family period. My moms side of the family I am very close to and I love those crazy fucks. My dads side I only keep in touch with the cool cousins lol- which sometimes I think are just as crazy as my moms side of the family. THANKS ::check::


• I am grateful that through this recession I have not suffered as bad as I could have (I might have just jinxed myself). I have a roof over my head, I am never hungry, I still have been able to buy myself things- maybe not as much as before but I keep them shoes a-coming. ::check::


• MY GIRLS. Holy shit. When I tell you that through thick and thin these girls have always had my back, they have picked up the mess that other people have left me in... and do it with a smile on their faces. We put ourselves in funny situations, and laugh about it after- or even during. Male bashing sessions are the best. Words of encouragement are never a failure with them and unconditional support has been proven. I love you guys so much :*). Enough with the mushy shit. THANKS for my girls. ::check::


• Not to sound conceded but some people think I am pretty and I will never take that for granted. Sometimes I don't see it lol but THANKS to everyone who pays those compliments. I do know I have nice eyes and I will say thank you to anyone who compliments them no matter how many times they say it. I guess I like my smile too because I have nightmares about having bad teeth. So ummm THANKS for the physical appearance. ::check::


• I have not worked since November and at the begining I was bummed but I am sad to admit I am liking not working, I can do whatever I want! I have chosen to travel, volunteer, spend more time with the dogs, go to the gym, party like I am 18, and I look forward to doing more productive things with my time as an unemployed individual. Free time, THANKS... ::check::

I am pretty sure I have more to be grateful for but this will have to do for now. Hasta luego! I promise the good shit is coming soon.