The Story Behind the Men Series: El Difunto

This probably should have been the first one to write about... But I wanted to take my time with this one.

When I was 15 my cousin Mother Theresa and I were going to go out with a friend ice skating. The third party flaked, Mother Theresa and I decided to go anyway. We had no idea where the rink was, we asked an MTA worker and they gave us 3 different locations. We still had no idea where we were going and ironically, while on the train, we see two girls with ice skates. NICE! We followed them without them knowing.

We end up in Wollman Rink in Central Park.

This day changed my life in many many ways.

Once there, we recognize nobody. We get our rentals and get our asses on the ice. There are these people called RINK RATS who know how to skate very well (my cousin and I were later to become known as one of these). The guys use this skill to pick up chicks. El difunto was one of the good skaters but he was very to himself.

I can't really remember too well but I noticed him looking at me a few times. During an ice break he was sitting near me and I was having trouble tying my skates tight. He heard me suck my teeth, or sigh, and asked me if I needed help.

... We skated together the rest of the night...

The next week I went again, and we shared our first kiss. I still remember exactly where on the ice it happened. (I ended up working at Wollman Rink for 6 years, I know that rink like the back of my hand).

El difunto became my boyfriend but I quickly ended it when he told me he loved me about a month after we started dating. I was about to turn 16 and it was too much for me at the time. He told me I would be his wife one day and that he will wait until I am ready. For the following YEARS we were on and off- but always talking even when we weren't dating.

At 23... We were hanging out, he was trying to teach me to drive stick shift and I looked to my right to express my frustrations and concerns and he had this look in his face that just melted my heart. I can't even describe it but I finally saw, next to me was a guy who LOVED me and would do a lot to make me happy... And obviously I enjoyed him.

I decided that day to give him my all.

I fell in love, like really in love but we had a lot of problems. I was still very much of a "free spirit" and he didn't like that, he was very jealous. I have a lot of guy friends and that bothered him, I like to dance a lot and that bothered him. My argument is, you have known me since I was 15... You know the way I am, why would you try to pursue a relationship with someone you KNOW is this way. His answer: because he loved me.

Four months after constant bickering about this things just kept getting worst.

I go to his house to try and work things out because he was being an ass hole, I didn't want to talk over the phone. He told me not to go, but I was FED UP... We needed to figure something out because we couldn't keep going the way we were.

I get to his house and things are weird. We start some fore play... And then have sex. As soon as he cums- he gets off and goes to the bathroom. He comes back with his boxers on, I am still naked on his bed and tells me it is over...

...WHILE I AM NAKED ON HIS BED...

I tell him there are only so many smacks to the face a person can take before they realize what's happening. This was my last slap to the face, no matter how in love I was.

I must admit, I played it off as well as I could for someone who had just gotten dumped while still naked after sex... Once I got home that's when the water works began. My mom was in the living room sitting on the couch, I laid my head on her lap and cried my eyes out. Pang walks in to find me puffy eyed, and red nosed from crying so much. As soon as she learns what happened she asks me if I want to go out for a drink. At this point anything to get my mind off of this shit will do. I get up and go.

We end up in Pizza Bar and I got retartidly drunk off of Martinis. I got home and had a one on one moment with the toilet. It was nice, I appreciate the toilet being there for me. Once I throw up I loose my ability to get up right away, so I laid down on the bathroom floor. My mom woke up (its like 4 a.m.) and brought crackers for me to eat on the bathroom floor. That's all I remember, that and my little sister taking pics of me and all I could manage to do from the bathroom floor was give her the finger with a smile on my face. GOOD TIMES eh?

The following weeks he turned into the biggest ass hole. I had left some brand new Coach sunglasses in his car, we scheduled to meet up and the mother fucker stood me up THREE TIMES. Then when I would try to reschedule for ME TO GET MY GLASSES BACK he would give me attitude like you wouldn't believe... That's when he decided to pick up the phone.

I needed to get rid of everything that reminded me of him. This break up was turning me into someone I wasn't: I was drinking (I hardly drink), I was bitter about seeing other couples, I was a lot more to myself. I noticed when my parents approached me about this two months after the break up. I decided enough is ENOUGH. Despite my short comings I was good to him and I didn't deserve this, and he wasn't worth my tears. I went to his house and left all the letters, birthday cards, valentines day cards, cute napkin notes that he had given me over the 7 years. I didn't personally give it to him, I put it in a yellow envelope and left it on his car windshield.

That was my step one to recovery.

Step two. GET HELP. People say it takes one month per year that you were together for you to get over the person/relationship. Fuck this, I wasn't going through this for another 5 months. I like instant results (its a problem I know) and I needed to speed this baby up! Hello Therapist!

Personally, that was the best thing I could have done. I walked out of that therapist office every Friday feeling better then ever.(by Tuesday I couldn't wait to go see her again)

He found out I was engaged and was not happy about that. He confessed that he had planned on proposing to me on Valentines day (9 months after he left me)... But found out I was engaged and then he realllllllly didn't want to know about me. I was suppose to be "his" wife. Pfffffffffft. NIGGUH PUHLEEZ. You don't want me to get started on my thoughts about this.

He has always been very immature in the way he goes about handling his anger. I've been asked a few times if I would go back.

I didn't know until recently.

He started to slowly talk to me again. In this, he showed me some people NEVER CHANGE.