I Guess Raw Meat Isn't The Only Thing That Doesn't Sit Well With Me

I am straight up breaking the rule I made for myself about blogging about my relationship. I think this is a hot topic and could use outsiders opinions so I will post this one.
Ting grew up just him and his mother. His mother was a mistress and he was a product of this relationship. Needless to say his dad wasn't really around. His mom sent him to boarding school for high school for good reasons, the neighborhood he grew up in wasn't the best and she worked the night shift.


He had to grow up fast. His mother was never really an affectionate woman, and still isn't. She has a unique personality. One that is too much for me to handle. She is raw, has no hair on her tongue.


She isn't really social, and doesn't like to try to be. She is comfortable being by herself I guess or the act of being social might be too much for her to handle. Who knows, I am mo counselor or therapist and don't care to be. She is dependant on tings attention to a certain degree. He sometimes feels like a bad son. I strongly believe it is because she has that dagger in his back and likes to twist it any chance she gets. I can only judge by what I have seen and every time that I have been over, without fail, she has had a negative comment to say about anything. It's like he can't get shit right. He can't check the mail right, he doesn't have the time for the dog, he doesn't eat the cookies she bought, he can't open his mouth without her response being something negative I am going to say at least sixty percent of the time.


I don't like it but it isn't my place to say anything right?


Until...


He expects me to have a great relationship with her. Expectations aren't good and especially when you are expecting with someone who's social skills are not the norm. I've tried to spend time with her and I thought it went as well as it could have given the situation. Apparently it isn't enough. Tings response "she doesn't dislike you, which says alot".


Oh boy, I could have already seen I was going to have a swervy road ahead of me.


Then today happened.


In a nutshell ting told me he felt like a bad son because he didn't call his mom at all this weekend (we were really busy, I barely had time to eat) and when he did call her this morning to let her know he arrived okay her response was "you forgot you had a mother?"...


I took this opportunity to mention how I noticed she likes to throw little jabs all the time and he shouldn't feel bad for not being able to call her one weekend because he was swamped. He isn't a bad son, he literally didn't have the time to pick up the phone (sounds like bs but I was there working with him, anytime we had downtime we were eating and working and recording so we couldn't really talk).


That conversation snow balled into something I wasn't expecting but I am sort of glad it did...




Ting: niice


3:08 PM me: i know you get defensive about your mother though so sorry if you feel I was attacking


3:12 PM Ting: no i dnt fee that way.



i think that scenario is just different so i'm informing you. i hope i'm not coming across as defensive


3:13 PM me: no you weren't. you did mention how you get protective about your mother though so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't coming across as attacking.


Ting: i get protective about all the people in my life.


me: i know. im the same way


Ting: no i didn't think you were attacking. i know you have mine and my mother best interest at heart.



3:15 PM no worries babe. we can discuss this sort of stuff without fear of me getting defensive. I'll only do that if you say something outlandish... like my mother is a "stinky face" at which point i'll have to straight herb you in public :O)


3:16 PM me: lol can i be honest



its about your mother so answer that carefully


3:18 PM Ting: yes.


3:19 PM me: i have a hard time accepting the way your mom speaks to you sometimes. i don't think its fair and i find myself feeling the way I feel when someone speaks to my little sis a way i dont like.


3:21 PM Ting: that is fair for you to say. My mom has never been disrespectful to me in the slightest. She wants a certain kind of attention that is not where near out of this world. I'm the one who is hard on myself when i fall short.


me: no, i am telling you as an outsider looking in... your mom subliminally makes you feel guilty



3:22 PM she throws jabs all the time



little jabs*


Ting: that might be the case but it's the way she is and it's a huge improvement from what she recieved from her mother.


3:23 PM me: im sorry, i hate that excuse


Ting: it's not an excuse


me: its the same one people use for my father



3:24 PM and it makes sense



but i dont like it


Ting: it's a fact and the fact that my mom has over come her limitations and short comings with her mother to try and offer me a better relationship speak volumes on her willingness to grow as a person.



but at the end of the day she's still a person/human so she ain't gonna be perfect.



3:25 PM she has been loving and caring and all i needed to do was find 2min out of my day to call her and make sure that her and olly were still alive and kicking.



3:26 PM i feel guilty but that feeling doesn't extend past the first few minutes when i realized that i hadn't called.


me: but the fact that you missed a weekend because you were busy isnt a big deal... she doesnt need to throw comments out there like "you forgot you had a mother"



you didnt forget, you were just busy



jab


3:27 PM Ting: eh.... you're not wrong but remember i told you that as soon i explained she was like ok. which is often the case ...


me: ok


3:30 PM Ting: i know that i'm not gonna change your mind but i need for you to not let this mar your perception of my mother.



3:31 PM she's the only one I got and i think she's done a bang up job. she ain't perfect and that's ok. At the end of the day we love each other an are able to get along pretty well.



3:32 PM we might not be as healthy and successful as your relationship with your mother but i think we're still well above the avg. set of parent child relationships out there


me: its something ive felt for a while and I will feel the way that i feel because I care about you and i dont like to see the sudden slight change in your face, or long term effect her methods have. but your mother is your mother and I will respect her the same.


3:33 PM Ting: well what long term affects do you see babe?



it's not like i loose sleep over this stuff.


me: you feeling guilty and feeling like a bad son



3:34 PM sometimes



you are NOT a bad son.


Ting: yes she has gotten to me in the past and prolly will in the guture but with each conflict our relationship grows and evolves.



i might use that term losely



but i did feel bad that i didnt' call her like i would feel bad like i didn't call davin.



3:35 PM i told her i would as soon as I arrived and I totally forgot that....


me: ok Ting but i am not talking about this one situation


Ting: omg i just realized that you hold a bad image of my mother...



i know you are not.


me: its something ive heard you mention numerous time and I have noticed when I am there. I dont know if you noticed


Ting: you are talk about past situations that i've referenced


me: but i start to rub your arm when I feel she is being unreasonable lol


3:37 PM Ting: lol?



i didn't notice that rubbing thing


3:38 PM me: anyway, I will continue to mind my business when it comes to that.



it wasnt my place to say anything in the first place



if you are okay with your relationship with your mother then so am I (not that my opinion matters, really)


3:39 PM Ting: hold up hold up.



3:41 PM you dont' have to mind your business.



3:42 PM you should feel perfectly comfortable in broaching the subject and having a dialogue with me about your concerns



3:46 PM as long as you remain respectful i'm cool with it.



3:47 PM plus i value your opinion and if your support can help me get to a better place with my mother that's really the icing on the cake.



3:48 PM i'm sorry but in reading this chat i see that i haven't taken the steps to show you (even myself) that i would like to change my relationship for the better with her.



3:52 PM Ting: ok ....



BUT.....



3:53 PM i need for you to please revaluate your stance with my mom.



i feel like she has a bad wrap and it undeserving.



it bothers me to think that you don't like her.


3:54 PM me: Ting, I don't like to see you unhappy or being treated unfairly. But I know my place. As you can tell I have a hard time understanding your mother, so I wouldn't even know to offer anything but you know I am here for you whenever you need an outlet.


3:55 PM Ting: do i seem that un happy when it comes to mommy?



cause if i do maybe i need sometime to reflect on it.


me: a little


3:56 PM Ting: i think i know what is going on.



3:57 PM i only converse about the bad things or mention/bring to light what makes me uphappy or peturbed about a situation regardin my mother or our relationship


me: no, youve spoken about the good


Ting: i will still take the time to reflect on our relationship but i'll also try not only bombard you with the bad.


3:58 PM me: im also being tainted by what ive seen



i guess


Ting: but it's important to me that you reamain as open minded as you can towards her. because i love her and shes mommy and i need for you to be comfortable with her.



i'm leaving here at 430.


3:59 PM me: Im not going to lie to you Ting, I dont understand your mother but I respect her...


4:00 PM and i dont agree with some of the things she does but again, if you are okay with it then so am I



more some of the things she says*


not does


4:01 PM Ting: like what?


me: in a nut shell, EVERYDAY I"ve been there your mom has something negative to say about something youve done, or havent done



4:02 PM or something you are currently doing



or the way you say something



something is always a problem



if you dont read the mail



4:03 PM if you dont eat the cookies



Ting: oh man... i seee



me: i know she isnt one for positive reforecemnt



but i think its negative overload


Ting: she isn't she doesn't know how


me: and it affects you



4:04 PM i dont care if you say it doesnt



it does



no one can live that way and not be affected by it


Ting: babe i am the way that i am because of her.


me: all those little things have to have something to do with you feeling lilke a bad son sometimes


Ting: she's isn't tender all the time but she can be.


me: if your mom has constant negative comments


4:05 PM Ting: i ask that you give it time. me and her have some growing to do in our respective ways but just be mindful that at the end of the day the person you fell in love with was forged by her.


me: i know its an extreme... but my dad was constantly bad to me but he was there economically and he did what he had to do as a man that has children... and he hugged me from time to time, and was more affectionate then your mother is with you but it still doesnt make what he does okay



4:06 PM i was forged by my dad too



BUT IT STILL DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY



4:07 PM and like you woith your mom, my dad is my dad and he is the only one i have... it still doesnt make it okay



4:08 PM again, an extreme comparison but its the only one i have


4:13 PM Ting Ok i can see this isn't going to get us anywhere. i can sit here all day and defend my mother (and i will if i have to) but we're going around in circles.


me: im fine with dropping it


Ting: our relationship is different one that i'm content with. can it be better yes. can it be worse most certainly.


4:14 PM me: like i said, if you are okay with it, i am okay with it


Ting: it's clear that you will not be buddies with mommy and that's something that i had hoped for so i'm just a lil bummed about that.


4:15 PM me: thats okay


Ting: it's not anything big as long as you respect her i'm ok with it


me: i am always respectful of parents



even when they call me names in emails lol



4:16 PM (Ex Fiance's mom)


Ting: right.



well lets change the subject cause i've through a sway of all kinds of emotions and i'm thinking it's best to move on from it



i've gone*


4:17 PM me: ok



its still raining pretty hard here



4:18 PM (like im 20 miles away lol)


Ting: so i'll come and pick you up



dnt figh me on this



it's not that bad around here actually


4:19 PM me: hopefully itll stop soon


Dimas: why risk it...



i'll just pick you up .


4:20 PM me: ahhhhhhh its suppose to rain all night



crap



well, perfect night in for a movie!!



4:22 PM Ting before we move on from the subject I want to make sure you are comfortable in knowing that your mom and I might not be the best of friends- she is a little much for me to handle but it's not like I dislike her, or don't want to be around her. I am fine with having the sort of relationship a girlfriend of a son usually has with the mother of her boyfriend



4:23 PM I dont expect you and mami to call each other and talk when I am not around or to be okay with leaving you alone with my mother for two hours lol


Ting: but that's the thing i'm ok with all those things.



Ting: i'm ok with you leaving me alone with your mom.



now I HAVE to worry to never put you in that scenario



4:26 PM it's a lot to think about


me: my mom is a little more receptive then your mom. Maybe i should have used my dad as an example



you are right. it is a lot to think about.


4:27 PM Ting: my mom is receptive just not what you are accostimed to.



accustomed*



ugh.


me: she is alittle raw



and you are right. i am not equipt to handle that



4:28 PM if you need your time to think about that its cool



4:29 PM obviously having a girlfriend that has a genuine friendship with your mother is of higher importance then I had originally thought


We spoke after. In a nutshell he doesn't want me to judge his mother knowing her for this little time.



My response: I can only judge on what I have seen and what I have been told. (he agreed with me on this after his emotions cooled off).


It might be my stubborness but to me it is still an excuse. If the problem is recognized a solution can be reached, not have the problem accepted.If he doesn't have a problem with it then I don't either. That is his mother and he has to be comfortable with he relationship they have. He asked that I don't have a problem with his mom over this. It might had been too bold of me to respond this way but I told him it will only become a problem to me when she speaks to me that way. I don't come equipt to deal with that type of constant feedback.

Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate... I Don't Care What Bitches Say... I Don't Even Look That Way...

Ok, I am lying, apparently I do care what bitches say. In this case, male bitches.

I've never had a love for Facebook. It was something to have to keep in touch with peeps... but I've never really been a fan of how dependant people are of it, and how things get a stamp of approval once it's been posted on facebook.

You know Jenny is really pregnant when she puts it on her status.
You know John and Elly are really serious when they change their relationship status.
True story, my neighbor caught her boyfriend lying about his whereabouts because of a picture he posted on facebook. Psh, stupid now EX boyfriend of hers.

During my trip to the Poconos with Ting we took a really nice picture. It was nice, sepia, and Ting looked good in it. It was genuinely a nice picture. I put it as my default for no other reason then IT WAS A NICE PICTURE.

Oh Holy Shit.

I have never, not even when I was engaged received so many messages (not even comments) about a picture. How many male haters are out there?

I had a few people just ask who he was, I don't really post too much of my personal info on there. I try not to make my status' too personal whenever I do update them, so I can see why people would get curious... but adult male haters? Really? I mean, no, really? I am lacking a huge amount of understanding with this one. I am very over protective with things I care about. I am super over protective with my mother, my sisters, and apparently my relationship with Ting.

I deactivated my account, for now at least. I was caught off guard with this.

Moving on. My girls have decided they want to have a slutty dress night out. Those of you who know us personally know that we aren't those kinds of girls that wear those dresses you have to keep pulling down at the club. I DON'T EVEN OWN ONE. But I have two newly single ladies in my inner circle, and one not so newly but still single lady (PANG, my sister)... and if these newly founded sluts want to have a night out in some of those dresses- I can suck it up for one night.

I went out and shopped where the sluts shop. I am not a girl with a shape, so finding a dress wasn't easy... but I found one. WITH PLEATHER lol. Yes, you read right. That being said, stay tuned for the follow up blog next month about this night. It's scheduled for the weekend of May 21st. I will post a pic.

Saucy With My Daddy

The Robert Carlo concert date arrived.

My dad and I took the train down town and at first it was a little weird. I never had to spend alone time with him like this, there was definitely that awkward silence for a moment. I mean, what can I really talk to this man about?
He started to talk to me about stuff going on with his friends and I had a better understanding of the union they shared. I am not really a fan of some of his friends, BIRDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER. They are like him. I don't agree with some of the things they have done but just like my girls are my girls... his boys are his boys.

We arrive at the concert, I offer to buy my dad a drink. I remembered he didn't have time to eat, so I bought him a hot dog as well. Got myself a red wine and headed back to our seat. We were seven rows away from the stage, Roberto Carlo came out and the look on my dads face was one of true content. After a second round of drinks, I was saucy with my dad at a concert. Who would have thought. One song came on that reminded him of my mother and he started to cry.

I didn't know what to do.

So I asked him if he wanted another hot dog...

I also remember farting during the concert and hoping it didn't smell. If it did I was ready to start looking at the lady to my left as if something was wrong with her.

The concert was actually a very nice concert. Live music is always good to me, and the artist is a great one. I am happy I went. That concert is a day I will never forget. It was the first time I hung out with my father and actually had a good time.

Which leads me to my next point.

Ting has his own issues with his father. He hasn't spoken to him in a while and told me that a conversation he had with me about my father had inspired him to take that step to call him one day. We then started talking about my situation again and for the first time ever, I spoke about my father and did not cry.

Cabin Fever Part Deux

I guess going away for the weekend to a cabin just isn't my thing (maybe going with my peeps will make it a good experience).
This past weekend I went with Ting and his friends to the poconos. It was 5 girls- who were all good friends, 5 guys who were with the girls... Ting and myself. Obviously I was the outsider. The girls tried to include me in some stuff but they did sneak away from time to time to take pictures by themselves and chit chat about stuff. I can't say I really blame them, but it is still poor action.


It was originally discussed that Ting and I would get our own room. Our car got there last and guess what... we got stuck sleeping on a futon in the basement game room. Yeah, exactly. (bright side, sex on the pool table...)


In the price they had originally included the food. They deducted it from my price because

1. I am a vegeterian and
2. I had oral surgery so couldn't really eat much.

I was bringing my own food.

I think ahead, and bring enough to offer some people incase they like what I am eating. I brought a small carton of egg beaters, a box of cherrios, 4 packets of oatmeal, a box of veggie patties (6), and apple sauce.


Ting woke up to pee the first morning and tells me he caught them about to make me egg beaters, luckily he got up there on time. Once I get up I go to make my egg beaters and notice they have a carton of 48 eggs.... WHYYYYYY would you need to make my egg beaters when you have 48 eggs? I don't stress it, I still have egg beaters to eat and thats what is important, that I have something soft to eat.


I finish making my egg beaters, sit at the table and notice a girl eating my oatmeal. It's cool, I still have two packets left, enough for tomorrow morning.


I go grab my box of cheerios (I have to eat them one by one) and the box is open and half empty. I really didn't care about this, I am mentioning it so it enhances my point.


Later on that night, every one is high off of weed brownies and drunk. I am on strong meds for my oral surgery so I couldn't drink. They were all munching on tacitos (they bought 2 boxes of 60) and playing drinking games. I go to throw away a napkin and what do I see in the garbage? MY BOX OF VEGGIE PATTIES. I took it out to make sure there was nothing in there, it was empty... I see all 6 plastic wrappers they came in in the garbage as well. I look up and ask "what happened to the veggie patties?"


One of the girls answers that they are in the oven, they got hungry and were tired of eating tacitos. I was pissed and went down to my bed/game room to call Pang.


I went back upstairs and Ting noticed I was upset. He asked me what was wrong and I pleaded my case.


I am not stingy with food, I brought enough to share with a few people but it is like they have no respect for my situation. It's not like I can go down the block and find something without meat and soft to eat- I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOUNTAIN. They had more then enough food for them to eat, why did they have to eat ALL of my veggie patties, they couldn't leave me just one? What the fuck was I suppose to eat the next morning and afternoon? They already ate all the extra stuff I brought. All that was left was an apple sauce.


He saw my point and felt horrible. Another girl over heard us and I guess she felt bad because the next morning I found some veggie patties in the fridge wrapped up.


I give up on cabin weekend get aways with guys.

Just a Thank You with Regrets

Incase you wanted a good laugh:

I was looking through my scrap book of my road trip and decided to send Scarf a message (since he deleted me off of everything lol). Here is how it played out: (I am in green, he is in brown)

Hey mambo Scarf



I was looking through my scrap book and just wanted to say thank you for the experience. :)


Hope all is well.
In My World I ROCK

It was an experience for sure. Its not everyday that a trip like that presents itself. It is humbling at times. Not sure what you got out of it at the end....thats yours and yours alone to determine. A trip of a lifetime...not many people get an opportunity to get to see America like that. I have been fortunate enough to do it three times...who knows, maybe i'll get motivated to do it again someday.



Treasure it. Its special to see the things that you did in such a short period of time.
Scarf

I know not many people get a chance to do that and I got to do it because of you, so thank you. I appreciate it and haven't taken it for granted.

I'll be honest, weeks prior, I struggled with going on the trip with you. (You may have sensed that and you may had thoughts of reconsidering yourself). We both had several chances to change our minds.


I decided to go thru with it becasue I typically commit to things even whend I am not absolutely sure if its the right thing to do. Everything was telling me to call it off....who knows, maybe I should have...but, that's the past. I learned alot about myself and about you on the road. I wouldn't go as far to say that I regret the trip or that it was one big effing mistake, but I will certainly learn from this experience. I will take what I can from it and appreciate the fact that I can and could do it.
Scarf

Lol obviously you have your issues with the situation. If you regret it, or had second thoughts about it that is fine. I am comfortable in knowing I didn't do you wrong. You have a right to own your feelings though, so if you have any negative emotions those are yours to own. With that said, I was still grateful for the experience.

LMAO. Its not a matter have having issues...its a matter of should I have taken someone across the country with me that I just didn't know that well and the fact we had a fallling out just before the trip. How is that an issue? Its a legit concern. But again....I had the final decision and said, what the fuck...lets just do this and see what happens. No hard feelings IMWIR...I am not busting your chops about it...just wanted to share with you how I felt about it since we haven't talked since the trip. It was actually funny....come to think of it.



Lets just leave it at that....your grateful.

Lol yes I am.



Take care Scarf.
 
Just like him, his attitude is getting old lol.

Never Have I Ever

I am suffering from Cabin Fever (being that I am stuck at home due to my oral surgery). Please, keep me sane. Let's play a game... shall we.

Let's play Never Have I ever:
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever drank a whole beer.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever smoked weed.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.
::five fingers up::

Never have I ever had sex in a public space.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had phone sex.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever had a threesome.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever thrown up in a club.
::four fingers up::

Never have I ever cheated
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever started a street fight.
::three fingers up::

Never have I ever dine and ditched.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever been to Australia.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever owned my own car.
::two fingers up::

Never have I ever sharted.

::one finger up::

SAY WHAT?!

Yes. It happened to me like three weeks ago. Needless to say, it was an experience. I thought it was a myth until I farted and felt my panties a little weird. I went to the bathroom to double check, cracking up at the though and there it was... the stain. I sat down and finished business while I was there.

WOMP

Update... I've been M.I.A.

Hey all,

I know. I've been M.I.A. I've been busy with Ting and as of last week, trying to get over oral surgery I had. Leave it to me to have the "what could go wrong" go wrong. I ended up getting a fat cheek, which in reality was a blood clot. I had to take medication to help the swelling, and once that went down I had bruising near my lip and a black eye. Great week.

The ex-fiance: I am happy and at peace with the decision I have made. I knew for a while he wasn't the man I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. I loved him but it shouldn't have been so hard. It was a little difficult at first but it was all habitual. The habit broke and I am okay.

Ting: things are going great. I appreciate him. We are together and having fun with each other, learning along the way.

With that said, I close that chapter of my blog off. I might shut down the blog completely but I am doing things right by Ting this time and will not be posting anything about my relationship on a blog. I hold the special moments close to me and that's where I will keep them.