Facebook pictures

Fucking Facebook. Fucking social networking websites. I am bored at home so what else do I do?
I Facebook Stalk (please someone else confirm they do this too so I don't feel like a nut)
Surf through peoples pictures...
FITNESS turn comes up...

I'm surfing...

I'm surfing...

...
I see a picture of him and Crazy co-wo THE DAY I LEFT TO I R E L A N D out having lunch for her birthday (with a few other co workers, but of coarse she was sitting next to him).
My first thought: PSH! Que fea. (Read: How ugly)
No competition. I look way better (sorry for sounding so vein).
According to Fitness, she is a little unstable emotionally. Two against her, I WIN!
That's not why I am a little bothered.
What bothers me is that picture was taken once we already started "talking"... I mean it was the very beginning so he had no obligation in telling me BUT according to the story he told me... He stopped talking to her before then.

I keep clicking...
There is one of him with his arms around her in December. Again, I thought they stopped talking before then.
I see they have a few more pictures together and I get bothered. I DONT KNOW WHY- this happened before me and him got together. Fitness is a sweetheart but he isn't a sight for sore eyes (shit I am going to get in some karma fuck up for writing that)...

This isn't like me.
I did the only thing I thought would stop me from temptation of looking on.
I removed him as my friend.

---LATER ON THAT NIGHT---

Fitness works all day, so the only time we get to really speak is at night when he gets home from work. In very casual conversation (and I mean very casual) Facebook came up- this was the perfect opportunity to let him know without making it a big deal.

I told him.

It was a big deal.

Fitness: so you mean I can't go onto MY GIRLFRIENDS page?

IMWIR: nope.

Fitness: I don't understand. What happened?

IMWIR: I saw pictures of you and Crazy co-wo and got a little bothered. I knew there were more and I didn't want to get tempted to see them. The only way to make sure I didn't was to remove you. So for the time being I removed you.

Fitness is quiet for a while...

IMWIR: are you okay?

Fitness: I am untagging myself from all of these pictures. (The pictures weren't put up by hi,- they were put up by Crazy co-wo and his sister- Facebook addicts, you know how the system works)

IMWIR: oh jesus.

Fitness: I in no way want to make you feel uncomfortable.

IMWIR: Fitness you don't have to alter your FACEBOOK page because of me. Its facebook, that shit happened before me. I am just avoiding having to walk around upset because I saw a picture. When I am ready to handle that I'll let you know.

Fitness: like I wonder when were you going to tell me? If it didn't come up in this

conversation was I just going to click on your name and see that I can't go on it? I can't believe I am having a discussion about FACEBOOK.

IMWIR: noooo. I just didn't want it to be a big deal so I treat it as such. If I interrupt you at work to let you know I removed you from Facebook and WHY that would be me giving it importance.

Fitness: I can understand where you are coming from, when I used to see pictures of you and the Ex Fiance I used to get bothered...Excuse the big deal I made about it. I am so in love that I have become super sensitive to things. I feel like a girl.
(Disclaimer: these conversations I type are not word for word unless otherwise stated).

I hate Facebook. But I am addicted.

A-salted

Fitness went out to lunch with his female high school friend (HSF for High School Friend)...Originally we were suppose to meet up right after.

They met up at noon... I woke up early to make sure I was PREPARED:

• legs, arm pits, vag shaved a



• hair washed and a



• Mani and Pedi from yesterday a



• Cute new undies a

It is now 3 o clock and absolutely NO WORD from Fitness. I mean they met up at noon for lunch... So I sent this text:

Before I start to assume, I hope everything is alright and you aren't in some sort of situation.Now on with the assuming. I guess I should have warned you that I require SOME attention. If you tell me that you want to hang out today in the day time after your lunch with HSF (at noon)... I am expecting and planning for us to hang out in the day time after your lunch with HSF. If something came up, its cool- but I expect at least a text telling me our plans have changed, any form of notification would have done.Obviously, I am a little bothered and I'm not going to sit at home waiting to see if you call- so I am letting you know that I am cancelling tonight's plans... I don't like to hang out upset.I guess we can touch base through out the weekend to see what's up for Sunday.

He calls back immediately. In my head I'm thinking- it takes a pissed off text for a girl to get a little attention :( then men wonder why women are drama queens.

He tells me that since we spoke about going to a bar at 7 p.m. that he thought we were just going to meet there at that time. We never actually spoke about the plan change so he admits he was at fault and apologizes. He says that it is a little harsh of me to not want to see him until Sunday, but he understands my frustration.

I agree and we plan on still meeting in the bar at 7 (I can admit I was being a little stubborn... I still wanted to see him, I missed him). I ask him how his lunch date with HSF went. He tells me it was good, that he misses her and they spoke a lot about stuff she's been missing out on since she's been "so busy".

One story he told her was about this crazy co worker he dated. He was in a relationship for two years and a half that ended about a year ago. He started seeing this girl about a month after the break up and made it clear that he did not want something serious because he just got out of something serious...Crazy Co-Wo was okay with this, she understood. He said he really liked her and was seeing her for about a month when she kept talking him into having sex with her and he didn't want to- he wasn't ready for that BUT they would sleep over each others house and when things would get hot and heavy he would stop. (Of coarse the girl got pissed!) He said he would feel bad because she would think he didn't like her and he did but he just wasn't ready. (He sounds like the chick doesn't he?)...

They now have been seeing each other for two months I think (but not exclusively) and finally, he let's it happen. Hallelujah for the girl- THEY HAD SEX.Now she begins to change a bit... She asks him if he plans on seeing other girls. He says yes, they spoke about this before and she said she was okay with it. Crazy Co-Wo says NOT ANYMORE and well... Long story short she becomes a little bitter about it. It sucks because they work together... You know what is even crazier? He is telling me she is crazy and I CAN KINDA FEEL THE GIRLS PAIN :x.

He tells me in a discussion they were having at a lounge she threw salt on his pants. She Assaulted him hehe, get it?

She threw salt...

A salted, assaulted?

NO? Ok.

He tells me how he is now beginning to ignore her calls and what not.

And I sit here and think... Fitness has been nothing but good to me BUT that could be me one day! I explained to him that I can see where the girl was coming from... She was okay with him seeing other people when they began, but as she got to know him she fell for him...

... So did I...

He says that they had several discussions when they began about him seeing other people and she agreed, it was a mutual understanding. He and I felt the same for each other and I never agreed with him seeing other girls. He says sex changes everything and that's what happened with her.

That's why I have sex right away- get that shit over with.

Ok I'm kidding, sort of :x

Some people don't know how to handle casual sex?

Random side note: I'm listening to my ipod on the train, this shit went from Juan Luis Guerra "San Pedro de Macoris" to Luke's "I wanna Rock"... Lol shit is fucking with my head.

Anyways- I just got home from spending the night with Fitness and ladies and gents- I can't get enough of him :-x

I know people might think it is too soon but we've been seeing each other for 4 months now- exclusively less then a week lol. He tossed the L word out there and at the rate we are going... don't be surprised if I say it too in the near future.

My boyfriend is the shit.

You say Po-ta-toe, I say Po-ta-toh

The reason why I find this picture hilarious is because Facebook has almost gotten me in some shit. The ex fiance posted a picture of us kissing so that Fitness could see once. He was trying to fuck up my flow man! MOVING ON...

Today the ex fiance has asked to meet with me. He met me on my way to Dello Russo for my follow up appointment (read LASIK). What a mistake.

The first sign that this was going to be one of those: I took my phone out of my pocket and checked my messages.

Ex Fiance: so we are going to start with this again. You ignore me when you are with other people...

IMWIR: Ex Fiance please! Don't start...

After the appointment, on the crosstown bus back to the train... It starts. (FYI: he doesn't know Fitness and I are in a formal relationship). Ex Fiance begins with why I don't want to kiss him. I tell him we aren't together.

He brings up the cable bill (he took over paying the cable bill that is under my name and let the bill get up to $400) and how he is bothered that my mother keeps pushing me to call to make sure he has paid.

I tell him my mother is just looking out for my credit. Every week he says he paid and every week I get a phone call from time warner.
That turns into "your parents think I am an asshole, anything good I've done gets overshadowed by my mistakes".

IMWIR: you've made a lot of mistakes.

Ex Fiance: so have you.

IMWIR: ok, you have your opinions and I have mine. The past is the past, we can leave it there.

Ex Fiance: oh now you want to say the past is the past...

::tosses a bag to his left where I am sitting and it hits my face::

IMWIR: whatever EF... We are on a bus, we aren't together, we don't need to keep talking about this.

Ex Fiance: can I get my closure

IMWIR: sure

He tells me his ItalianMobFriend found Fitness already, to be ready for a world of hurt.
I do not respond to this.

He asks me if I love Fitness. I am NOT stupid, I know what this will turn into... I tell him ill talk about him and I. Not about Fitness and I.

He asked me if I have slept with Fitness. Not answering the question gave it away. I wasn't going to lie... I have slept with Fitness and IT IS AWESOME.

He tells me I could do way better then Fitness. I am still shut... I refuse to talk about this with him. He doesn't know Fitness and the reasons why I choose to dedicate my time to him. He is being bitter. I guess if I was in his shoes though so would I???

He asked me if it was about the money? And I told him that although he was a great provider I wouldn't put up with this for money... (We both lost a lot of money by not going through with the wedding)

He tells me he has broken his back for me and in the next relationship I am I need to be more understanding.

IMWIR: so when I'm constantly getting lied to I'm suppose to take it with a grain of salt?
Ex Fiance is getting pissed and tells me he wishes Fitness breaks my fucking heart so I can feel the pain that he is in. Whoever he ends up with next is going to be a lucky girl.

IMWIR: that's fucked up Ex Fiance. But its cool, I never wish any bad on you though. And yes you are right, whoever you end up with is a lucky girl.

Most of this conversation was him talking and me not responding.

He wishes Fitness can continue in his business with broken legs.

To this I chuckle.

He says he isn't kidding.

I tell him to tell ItalianMobFriend to look for me instead... If I was "cheating" it was my fault not Fitness.

He continues with his questions.I continue to not answer most, because I feel we have gone through this 20 times.

IMWIR: I am not going to keep doing this. This is mentally exhausting. Get what you need to say out and after this I'll go my way and you, please, go yours. Are you done?

This is where he turned it. Now it turned into the I love you so much, I hate myself for being in love with you stuff. Then he asked me if we can still sleep together.

Que BUZZER NOISE.

He waits for the train with me and keeps asking me for a kiss and tells me he is sorry and he loves me. At this point I will give everything I have for the train to come, I just want to get out of this situation.

He hits me up when I get back home like if this didn't just happen. I speak with Fitness and I am really contemplating changing my number.

Just so you guys see this up and down... I sent him a text reiterating that maybe we should just cut contact for a while, seeing and speaking to him is doing nothing good for me and obviously he cannot handle seeing me as just a friend. I wished him happiness and no more heartache.

Ex Fiance: I was being immature IMWIR. I understand about moving on. I do. But I have it in me to do so as your friend and it doesn't have to mean seeing less of you. My heartache is something I can cope with. IMWIR- you are still my best friend. IMWIR- you are a huge part of the person I am. And I want to see you quite a bit before my ship date, please.

(Oh did I forget to mention he said he is joining the army now? )... I will believe it when I see it, he says his ship date is in two weeks. The only reason I have a hard time believing this is because he just started a VERY good job (if it was about the money I would have stayed with him now that he is currently making over 150k).

My Public FUCK YOU

Those who know me know I don't have a good relationship with my father.

We both have very strong personalities. He doesn't back down, and I don't back down.

The man is almost impossible to get along with.

I had 7 years I didn't speak to him because when I did- it would turn into a fight, so I cut off all communication... And we lived in the same house.

A few years ago (very recent) I decided- I didn't want him to pass and I am still angry about a lot. So I sat down and spoke to him.

I pleaded my case and said all I want is some sort of apology.

He told me I deserved everything I got.

It took everything in me that day to stand up and walk away without saying anything or crying. But I did it. You would think I would have learned my lesson then.

At one point I thought MAYBE IT IS ME. But I see the relationship my sisters have with him, and the advice my mother gives me and I realize- the guy is just an asshole. Yes, my father = a butt hole.

Yesterday I wanted to sit down with him and tell him about the ex fiance and i- let him know we aren't together so that he doesn't keep complaining that nobody talks to him and he has to find shit out through the grapevine.

My mom suggest I don't do it.

I decide to treat him the way he is requesting and I speak to him.

I sat down and told him that I wanted to talk to him. By now he knows that the ex fiance and I are not together, we were having our differences- he lied about a few things, and it was just not working out.

He asked me if it was over for real.

I said yes.

He then told me not to think I'm going to be running loose that he already noticed I started acting crazy. (I go out too much according to him).

I am giving you the PG version...

I told him I am 25, going out has never gotten in the way of school or work, I have never been in trouble- never came home pregnant... You guys asked for a BA from me and you got it.

Regardless, this conversation isn't about that- I just wanted to address the ex fiance issue with him personally.

To him I say stupid me for even trying... you are the one who gets what you deserve... And not the way he thinks I got what I deserved. When you die a lonely man it is because you have pushed all the ones who know the real you away.

To be or not to be...

Fitness and I have been spending a lot of time together, and in constant contact.

This past weekend I slept over his house after a night out celebrating his best friends sisters birthday. These people are bar people. Good times but I need some music in my life.

Back to the point.

We get to his room.

Lay down on the bed (clothes still on).

I start to rub his head, he just got a fresh cut.

He falls asleep. (Understandable, the guy works a lot, and hardly sleeps during the week and had a few drinks).

I decide to get up, put on my PJs... Brush my teeth... And go to bed.

Problem is:

1. 
   
   he is laying on the sheets


2. 
   
   he is out cold


3. 
   
   his room is freezing


4. 
   
   I have a cold. I tried waking him up- it didn't work.

I tried to push him over, the guy is pure muscle OUT COLD...I decide to put on one of his hoodies and try to knock out. At this point I've been shivering for an hour and a half, I need to do something. I try to wake him up once more. No luck. I text OS She recommends throwing cold water in his face, I opt to leave him a message and leave.

I leave...

I realize, its 5:30 a.m. and I have no idea where the damn train is.I give him a call... He doesn't pick up.FUCK.I stop a cab to ask and he tries to get me to take it from Brooklyn to Manhattan, long ride- I opt out and give Fitness another call.

HE PICKS UP! Confused as all hell he asks me to please come back. We must have just missed each other because when I arrived to the front of his house he was where I told him I was when I called the second time. I see him walking to the front of the house towards me with an extra sweater in hand for me. That made me smile... Too bad I already had one of his sweaters on (hehe). :x We get inside and he asks for a moment and goes to the bathroom. I originally think he is going to throw up BUT hear nothing (that ability to hear a pin drop kicks in). He walks out and comes onto the bed next to me. He looks off. I ask him what's up, and he almost started to cry (got to love the alcohol).

He felt horrible for what just happened. He felt he was being a horrible host. Apparently he is suppose to protect me and keep me warm and he let his sloppiness get in the way of that.

Here I am thinking he might have gotten bothered because I got up and left in the middle of the night... Instead the man looks like he is close to tears because his sloppy drunkenness was the cause of me leaving.

I told him it was a little messed up but given the circumstances (how little he sleeps and he was drinking) that I can understand, it will happen to anyone.

Then we had great sex.

I worry I was a little too loud and the roomie might have heard me :x. (He wants to move into his own place soon, turning 27 with two roommates isn't working for him).

I'm writing this on the train and there are Mexicans performing with an accordion and a guitar, reminds me of Nacho Libre and I can't concentrate lol.

When Dominicans play the accordion- they make it sound good is all I have to say.

Ok they stopped.

So the next day I was asked on a dinner date (by someone else). I thought about it... Fitness keeps telling me that he wants to be with me but worries that I might need time since I just moved out of the ex fiances apartment. He says this EVERY TIME something about us comes up so maybe I need to take a hint, since once he said maybe I need time to do what single people do.

I accept the dinner date.

I battle if I should tell Fitness or not. We have a very friendly relationship and I didn't want to lie... I've had enough of that these past few months.

I text him.

He calls back.

He doesn't understand why I would go on a dinner date after the conversation we had the day before (we aren't really interested in seeing other people). I explained to him the whole thing about how he always brings up me needing time...

He said he was just putting me first, and didn't want to be an additional burden if I felt I had stuff I needed to get over. He and I have had conversations about how I feel regarding my break up with the ex fiance.

Fitness: are you serious about not wanting to see other people?

IMWIR: I am serious. I enjoy you a lot.

Fitness: I don't want the fact that you were going on a dinner date to be the basis of this. I have been wanting to be in a formal relationship with you but haven't asked because I didn't know if you were ready but will you be my girlfriend?

IMWIR: ::laugh:: where do I circle yes?

Party in the Ghetto

I love being Dominican.I love how down my sister is to go out.

Let me explain.

It is Thursday night and I am tired from 3 days of moving along with being emotionally exhausted from dealing with the ex fiances up and down mood.At 11 p.m. I start to get dressed while I wait for Older Sister to arrive from handling sorority business.She gets home a little after midnight. I am changing an outfit when I make a comment that I am tired (and I KNOW she is tired).

OS: so then what the fuck are we doing?

Me: nikka I am DRESSED, we are going out!

We get in the car and make our way to the Spanish location in the Bronx (Bamboo).

We drive by the place and from the glimpse I took it looked empty. I think to myself "greaaaaat.

We came out tired and the place is dead at 1:30 a.m.

We park the car after a few turns around the block, and walk inside. OS tells me it is downstairs, not originally where I had looked at. Cool. I open the doors to the downstairs already jamming to the very good Spanish music... And it was like narnjia. It was packed- with this space made by the security guard for people to walk. DOMINICANS KNOW HOW TO PARTY, or don't have jobs to worry about the next day?

We had told my friend Fuandolio to go, who calls himself my fake boyfriend (another blog for another time). He is nowhere to be found, so OS and I make our way to the back for some drinks. Corona for OS, Red Bull on the rocks for me. I felt very out of place, I feel like when I walk into those places I stand out like a member of the KKK at the Million Man March. I look white and do not dress like I bought my outfit on 181st, or like I am a stripper, or wear up towns with jeans that look like they should come with a warning label for yeast infection. Sorry if I am offending anyone reading this with that- its all love. Pfffffft, ok no it isn't, but I made a new years resolution to stop criticizing so much and I was good... Yesterday I only had one victim (seriously, it is an improvement).

After ordering our drinks OS and I try to find somewhere to stand, there really was no where to stand. OS compared it to going to the beach really early to get a good spot. A lot of thugs and uptown girls there. This salsa song comes on...OS is singing her heart out to it and I come to the realization that I am chilling with a HICK, and that hick is my sister. I call her on it. She laughs and says "Hasta los tigeres estan cantando" (read: even the thugs are singing). I had some Red Bull in my mouth and chuckled so hard that I almost spit it out at this very true statement.

So here go some of the funny events:

• One guy grabbed my hand to ask my to dance. While he asked me to dance he rubbed the back of my hand on his penis. If I need to tell you NO I didn't dance with him.


• Fuandolio showed up with one of his boys who freaked OS (to that playero reggaeton)- while we were dancing I kept getting pinched on the thigh by OS because he kept making comments about her dancing. (We were all dancing very close, no space)


• A guy tells me I am beautiful. I thank him. He asks me if I have myspace. I say no. He then asks if I have aim, I say I barely use it. He then says- let me guess, you don't own a cell either? HA!


• Fuandolio was being very lovey dovey. Kept reminding me how beautiful I am (I never take that for granted) and he got a hard on while dancing with me which never happens. He is usually a good dancer but he was drinking heavily so he was sloppy. He is going on a cruise with his family next week that goes to Mexico, Costa Rica, and Panama. He told me if I would have budged and been his REAL girlfriend I would have been right there with them lol. Sorry, no sexual attraction- he is young and acts it sometimes. Ill skip on the free trip to Costa Rica.

Over all- the night was good. The music was pumpin'. I just wish there was room to actually dance.I think the secret to staying in shape for me is going dancing at least 4 times a week. So where to tonight???

Meet the Friends

I know, I've been M.I.A.

My apologies... not that anyone reads this anyway lol.

A lot has been going on in my life.

The ex fiance and I are officially not together- after months of me wanting out and him thinking we could make it work. It took another person to come into the picture sadly for this to happen.

I love him but right now that relationship I had with him was not right. I am very happy with myself for sticking to my guns and not going back at moments of weakness.

The past two days have been rough. Besides moving out of the apartment he and I had (we moved out alone- my back is killing me from lifting heavy stuff)- he has been having a hard time with what has been going on with us and he has these eyes that break me. I can't look at him when he is hurting without needing to comfort him. DAMN THOSE EYES.

I have been spending time with Fitness and enjoying his company... A LOT.

My friends are my world and without the words of encouragement from my girls (I fucking love my girls- they are the best) I probably would have had an extreme hard time with what has been going on.

Prime example of my girls being the best:

Fitness friends bday at a bar/lounge in LES. He had mentioned his friends wanted to meet me, cool- I'm there. All I need is a partner in crime- I wasn't going alone. Ofcoarse I invited ALL 3 of my girls but two couldn't make. The one who could make it we will call her Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa and I don't have vehicles but this is NYC so we fuck it and train it there. I walk up to the door and the door man let's me know that the party I am looking for has a room in the back. As I step foot in the door I receive a text from Fitness "are you coming?" (I told him I was not going if I didn't find anyone to go with). I put my phone back in my pocket because- well... I was already there.

I walk into the back room and see NOBODY I recognize.

I look at Mother Theresa.

I turn to walk out.

I get pulled back.

I turn around to see who it is. I don't recognize her.

Girl I don't recognize: "::yells my name::"

I smile.

Girl I don't recognize: "Hey, it's me _______ (Fitness friend). Where is Fitness?"

Me: "Oh I don't know, I thought he was here already"

Girl I don't recognize: "Oh we thought he was coming with you. Hey everyone, look ::says my name:: is here!"

Everyone greets me with some excitement. In my head I think "oh crap, am I suppose to know these people?"

One girl confesses that she has been Facebook stalking me, they've all been dying to meet me.

Mother Theresa is in full alert for the sign of help we have. Thanks Mother Theresa.



Fast Forward > > > > >



We are all on the dancefloor. Fitness has already arrived- he thought I wasn't going since I didn't respond so he took his time getting ready. Someone burps up that salami stench. We all make that face, but we are at a lounge, it is to be expected.

His Boys Girl "oh man, and I know that smell must really bother you since you are a vegeterian"

Mother Theresa "IMWIR (in my world I rock), you know her?"

Me: "NOPE"

These people know more about me then I thought, it's flattering that he talks about me enough that they know these details.



Fast Forward > > > > >



All on the dance floor again... Standing in this order.

His Boys Girl, Fitness, Mother Theresa, Me.

His Boys Girl goes to Fitness "I want to talk to IMWIR, do you think she would mind if I ask her to accompany me while I go out for a smoke? I know she doesn't like it"

Mother Theresa is ON IT like a true girl. I love her.

She turns to me: "Yo IMWIR, she wants to talk to you and she is about to ask you to go outside"

Surely... this happened. I wasn't going to say no. Out without a jacket I went (yes, it was cold).

I can't type the conversation word for word... but the point was, they didn't like his ex, she was crazy- I give everyone a good vibe, he really likes me and she hopes that I stick around and she sees more of me. He is a good guy and doesn't deserve to get hurt.

She gave me the talk.

Back inside.

Older Sister is in the area and is giving Mother Theresa a ride home. I stayed behind to hang out with Fitness- I was having fun with him.

Another friend of his- who knows someone I know (this can be good and bad)- we will call her Mutual comes with me to sit down in the back room. I was complaining about my feet and her feet hurt as well, the shit we go through to look cute...

Mutual talks to me about Fitness- all great things (he is every ones favorite friend from their group, she tells her boyfriend sometimes he needs to be like Fitness, his ex took advantage of his kindness, nobody wants to see him get hurt- I seem to make him smile... they were all dying to meet me and are happy that I am normal). Then she mentions a mutual friend her and I have told her I was engaged.

I get that dry throat. I swallow hard.

I don't think it is any of their business yet but my past is my past and it is a part of me. I simply say "Yes I was, and it just didn't work out so we cancelled the wedding". She is satisfied with that answer I guess because she also leaves it at that. Then she asks what is up with Fitness and I, if we are together.

I think to myself "is this a trick question?". How do I answer this? Shouldn't she be asking Fitness this instead? I tell her we are getting to know each other, and smile. Fitness walks in at this point. The conversation ends there.

Despite the unexpected talks- I had a great night, his friends were fun.



As for El Difunto... I haven't heard from him... and I don't mind it. If he calls he calls- if he doesn't he doesn't.

I have a feeling I am going to hear from him on a very random day.