On a Different Page ... and Photo Shopped

Some one please sign me up for Tool Academy.

I try not to blog about the ex fiance- but in a nut shell....

• I still love him very much.
• We see each other about once a week.
• We haven't had sex, he hasn't tried.
• We are "doing things right" according to him and taking things slow.

He has a point, and I was the one who introduced the idea of taking things slow- but I feel we are going very slow... and that's cool, but I have self diagnosed myself with a mild form of ADD and slow things bore me.

He knows, I've been honest with my feelings about this. I refuse to nag though, I nagged when he first got here and it didn't work in my favor so I let him be... I love him but I can't fight him anymore. Time will tell.

In turn, someone else has been keeping me busy. He is a dancer... his blog name will be Ting.

Of coarse, just like almost anyone I start hanging out with, Ting was something casual. Then it became sexual. Now he is feeling this. He throws comments out there that make it obvious that he wants this to go somewhere. He knows some details about the ex fiance but I have opted to try and not talk about it.

Two men, I always get caught up in some shit like this. I am enjoying Ting a little more then I care to (no, don't worry... I am not sprung lol).

On a lighter note... I have been asked to join a bachata recital team, and will join a salsa one next month so you might be hearing a lot less from me since all I will be doing in dancing.

Oh, enter the perfect opportunity for AN EXAMPLE. Speaking of dancing, here is something Ting would say:

IMWIR: I have a feeling dancing will get in the way of my next relationship.

Ting: Why

IMWIR: I am enjoying it a lot, and don't think I will stop until I am satisfied with where I am with it. I have already chosen dancing over many things (I did not mention I have chosen going to salsa class over hanging out with the ex fiance... I kept it as broad as possible).

Ting: Well, maybe you will meet a guy who can share the passion of dancing with you (and then he gives me the stare with the smile... FYI: he is a performer).

Now for what I really wanted to blog...

I'VE BEEN PHOTO SHOPPED!

I got called in for a photo shoot earlier this week... I took a few pics in some dresses and final shots were taken in a bikini.

While I was getting dressed the photographer played around with some of the pictures and calls me over to show me one.

Its one of me in the bikini.

IMWIR: WOW! This looks great!

Photographer: Yeah, I worked on it a little, look at the original ::opens up the original picture::

This is where I almost passed out.

I have never in my adult life been self conscious about my body, until I saw the before and after pictures.

I HAVE BEEN PHOTO SHOPPED, it was my first time seeing this and I hate it. Now, I know people get photo shopped for magazines, I don't think all those models really look like that but sweet jeezus- it's different when you look at yourself.

I swore off food, and then I got hungry two hours later- that plan went out the window quick.

How Could I Tell Him No?

One time, because of a specific conversation, Scarf asked me if I have the heart to be honest with someone, even though I know it is going to hurt them.

I answered no.

Those of you who read this regularly know about my father...

Him and my mother are no longer together but sleep in the same apartment. My mom in my room and my dad in theirs. I know he feels very alone here, I could never imagine feeling that way in such a busy house hold. I know he is not comfortable in his own home. In most ways he brought that upon himself, but the man is human and I can't help but to feel for him.

It is 1 a.m. on a Friday night and my dad sneaks into the house, making sure he doesn't make noise with the door. To his surprise he finds me sitting on the couch (I was suppose to be away for the weekend but postponed the trip due to what I think is an ear infection). I can tell he has been drinking, he looks happy.

We shoot the shit about why I am not away, he goes back to his room and I go back to my computer. He comes back and asks me if I can check on the Internet for some concert he just heard about on the radio, it is one of his all time favorite artist. He swore when he came to this country 30 years ago that he would see this man perform, and never had the chance to. He doesn't want to let this one pass by.

He kneels next to me and I look online and find the concert. I ask him how much is he willing to spend.
Dad: The best seats available
IMWIR: Alright big baller, the best seat in the house is $170
Dad: That's okay
::I input the information and request for one ticket::
Dad: can you check for two? would you like to come with me? I don't really want to go alone.

I can't even keep a dry eye typing this. My heart was completely broken. I have my reasons to say no. Do I really want to spend three hours with the man who made me feel this, this, and this? NO. But he is my father and is obviously going through something I wish I never put myself through. It is always easy to blame someone else, facing yourself isn't. I refuse to see him in his casket and think "I wish I..."

He is aging already, I see it physically and even in his eyes. I think I would be crying harder if I had said no.

He asks me to go into his room to see a DVD of the artist. He was singing along to every song, smiling and chumming around with me. How could I tell him no?

Dad, despite the fact that I can't agree with the fact that you can't say you are sorry- something in me just doesn't let me tell you no,

Scattered Thoughts, Nothing Important...

... So don't get excited.

Whats up guys?

How is everyone? Good, yeah, that's nice.

I actually have nothing to blog about so I am blog free styling. I felt I hadn't blogged in a week, and you guys might be worried. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am alive and well, for the most part.

It is my cousins birthday today- she knows who she is- HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN!

My birthday is in two days and I am very excited about seeing every one at my birthday dinner on Tuesday and partying with them on Saturday.

I know I said I wouldn't blog about my relationship with the ex-fiance, and I really haven't been. I just wanted to update everyone though (since most who read this will be at the dinner on Tuesday)......

I've been enjoying the company of other men- non sexual as of yet (no the ex fiance and I STILL haven't had sex... please, spare me the comments- I KNOW). I've had a good time with the guys but there is something the ex fiance and I have that I adore. I love him.

We are not officially together yet. He hasn't asked. It's coming soon though, I feel it lol. When it does happen I will def be letting you guys know.

Out of respect for my relationship with him I WILL LEAVE THAT AT THAT.

Moving on. You guys have to read Simply T's blog. That girl CRACKS ME UP!

I have a lot to write about but everything I want to say is other people's business... lol... I'll let them post THEIR OWN business.

I have decided in March to start doing temp work in hopes to start the saving process so that in 2 years I can have enough to buy a place since I live rent free. The NYPD better effin call me in July. I am seriously running out of patience with these people (I don't really have a choice though do I?)

My sister Pang just bought a condo. I will miss living with her, and borrowing her belts. As she moves out, the little one will be moving in. She can be a handful though lol. She is a sassy little one. I wonder where she gets it from? ::slowly looking away::

GOOD NEWS: I am buying tickets to go see Chelsea Handler perform at Radio City in May. WOO HOO!

Usual Morning Routine

I slowly wake from my sleep because I feel a presence in my room. I turn over to look at the time and notice its not the usual Pang getting ready for work I felt. There was nobody there.I'm still tired, I have a slight cold, so I disregard and go back to sleep.


I wake up again because my feet are frigid- as if it was sticking outside the window in 25 degree weather. I wake up- this time I really wake up- and cover my feet. I go back to sleep. I feel someone in my room again. I turn over to look at the time. Its 10:37 a.m. I am a little freaked out by what I am experiencing, I decide going to sleep isn't my best bet. I get up and start my morning routine.

I grab my towel, grab my box of bobby pins, pick up my hair, place the box of bobby pins on the sink, and hop in the shower.


I feel like someone is in the bathroom.


IMWIR: Pang?


No response.


Maybe the dog walked in the bathroom. I pay this no mind and continue to shower. I hear something fall on the floor. I peak my head out through the shower curtains and see my bobby pins all over the floor. Great, picking up bobby pins is so much fun.


I hop out of the shower and start to dry myself and I notice the bobby pins are being shuffled around- there is no one else in the bathroom with me. I stand still in disbelief.


I run to my room and get dressed. My father is in his room, he and I do not really bond but I had to tell someone what is going on.

I walk into my dads room, he is sitting on his usual corner, reading some sort of pamphlet.

IMWIR: Dad, I had a weird experience this morning. I think there is something in the house.

Dad: There is no one here, it's just you and I.

I explain what I felt this morning. He tells me I am crazy for thinking there is something in the house.

He is interrupted by foot marks walking across his bed and the room door closing on it's own.

IMWIR: Did you not just see that?!

My dad doesn't respond, he is in disbelief.

I was livid.

IMWIR: Whatever you are, I know you are here! If you are really here slam that closet door shut!

The closet door slams shut.

I was hoping it didn't happen. I was kind of hoping I was crazy. I wasn't.

I feel force push me back, now I am laying on the bed. I cannot breathe through my nose or my mouth. I start to shake trying to get air. I look at my dad and try to speak to him with my eyes. He is staring back scared. He doesn't see whatever this is, is covering my nose and mouth.

I jump up catching my breath. I am in my bed. I look at the time, it is 10:32 a.m. I grab my towel for my usual morning routine. As I walk to the bathroom I realize, it's only me and my father home...

Second Date: Keep it Proper

I've been a little M.I.A.

Sorry blog followers.

Last I said- the guy (we need to give him a blog name, suggestions please) wanted to hang out again. What I had failed to mention was that he had asked me if I wanted to go over to his place and he make me dinner.

Obviously we all know what that means. Then I thought about it, not only is this the second time I would be seeing this guy but he knows my way too proper dad's side of the family. This was not going to be a good look.

Luckily he brought it up before I had a chance to, he said maybe later on... but for this weekend he would come into the city and hang out. Maybe go to a comedy club or something. Cool, I am down with that.

I almost felt guilty about hanging out with him, you know, because of the ex fiance. I love the ex fiance, a lot. He really is my best friend but the guy needs to step his game up. When you are in a relationship you have to accept all that comes with that person. The ex fiance is not aggressive, in all this time he has not tried to sleep with me. EXACTLY. He has been here since December and not once has he tried. I am pretty sure we all have our opinions about this one...

I know that being with him I will never have a surprise vacation- or a vacation period, the guy is the worst at planning ANYTHING. Even a date (well a complicated one, he can plan buying movie tickets... we did go to the sex museum once, but it was a wing it date). Just not his thing. I guess I am okay with being the one to plan everything. That doesn't really bother me that much.

Technically speaking, I am single. I will date freely until that status changes.

Next topic.

I saw the movie UP last night.

WHAT THE FUCK... That movie made me want to cut my veins within the first 15 minutes. Shit that movie was sad (but those characters were funny). I think that is the first Disney movie where they displayed blood like that. Was this movie really meant for kids to watch?

Blind Date

I will make this snappy- as I have to get ready to head to the movies with the Ex Fiance. Yes, you read right.

I had gotten a message from one of my cousins from my dads side of the family once on Facebook expressing her sadness of my absence at her husband's photo exhibit. Apparently they had this guy they wanted me to meet... and were hoping to surprise me with this at the event.

She gave me his info and told me to look him up on FB. If I was interested, to write him a message.

I did just that.

It's been MONTHS since this happened. We've kept in touch via text message since then but he has been working towards a promotion, and has been traveling alot for work. As of the last two weeks we've spoken on the phone a few times.

Yesterday we had plans to meet up for tapas, drinks, and dancing at Son Cubano. I get there at 9 and he is running a little late because of parking. I wait for him inside and every guy that walks in that is white I think its him (his pictures on FB aren't the best, very far and in the dark). Finally I see this guy walk in who is looking around for someone, it has to be him...

My cousin failed to mention this man was a giant. I am 5'2... he is 6'2. A good looking giant (only flaw was he has a big nose, but it didn't bother me).

There are no tables available for another 45 minutes so we sit at the bar and the Merlot starts flowing. We have good conversation, we ate out tapas- and after two hours of talking we start dancing. Thank goodness I was "happy", it's the only way I could have kept up with the off beat dancing. He had good beat, for an Italian...

While dancing I touched his stomach- BY MISTAKE, that place was so crowded I touched a few people in places I shouldn't have by mistake, females included. Well- that man had some WASH BOARD ABS, which I was not expecting, you see him and he is tall and what appeared to be SKINNY.

I got super horny.

The rest of the night I was trying to compose myself- I wanted to take him and do him where ever, I just wanted some. Damn wine.

We leave at 2 because we just can't hack the fact that we can't move in there, and he had work the next day...

He drives me back uptown, and in conversation tells me he wants to be an underwear model... Well, he has the abs for it. He showed me a picture of him shirtless and WHAT THE FUCK. I was horny, tipsy, and looking at hot pictures. I felt like a guy.

We arrive and the kiss happened (which I was not expecting, he was very respectable the entire night, I actually didn't think I would see him again- at least not like that). I've kissed many boys in my day... that by far had to be the best kiss, and he didn't even have plump lips or anything. This man was just catching me off guard right, left, and center.

I thought maybe he had one of those moments when he first arrived but he asked if we could hang out again next weekend soooo....

"Don't Cry, Dry Your Eyes"- I Don't Have That Problem

I got LASIK 10 months ago. Read here.

Before I decided to go through with this procedure I did my research. I asked people who had the surgery and heard nothing but glorification of the God doctors that fixed their sight. I had one friend that swore he now had micro vision. Pffffffft.

I know everything has it's "but...". I knew there were things that MIGHT go wrong. There had to be some sort of side effect, right?

When I went in they told me I will start to loose my super vision at the age of 40 and will need glasses. Ok, 15 years of super powers- sign me up!

Oh- and you might get dry eye, especially for the first three months. 3 months of dry eye for 15 years of super powered sight- ef it, sign me up!

It's been 10 months. 10 months! And not only do I still have really bad dry eye but I still feel I need glasses. (They said it is because of the dry eye that my vision isn't up to par).

I went in today ready to demand my money back, or new eyes. I had this whole scenario planned out in my head and I was going to come out on top!

That would have been nice, right? That is not how it went down. Those people there are so nice and nurturing my plan went to shits the moment the receptionist (who for some reason remembers me) greeted me with the warmest hello.

I got prescribed another medicated eye drop that I need to put in 3 times a day for two weeks and return in 3 weeks. (This is on top of the eye drops they prescribed 3 months ago that I need to put in once in the morning and once at night BESIDES the regular moisturizing eye drops I use through out the day whenever my eyes feel dry).This is how I spend my day:

Hehe, I remember when I was going through the break up with the ex fiance. I had just gotten my lasik, I was super sad and upset about something and started to cry but no tears produced It was like that dry cry babies do lol. I freaked out and started to cry again because I thought I had lost my ability to tear.

I could have gotten fake boobs with the money instead. Damn.