Late Night Movie MADE ME CRY

I rarely cry at movies. Its been known to happen where I TEARED with:

1. P.S. I Love You


2. World Trade Center (ok, I might have shed a few tears with this one...)

Its Thanksgiving night and I decided after family dinner to stay home for once (instead of going dancing). There isn't much on TV, so I go to the Free Movies on Demand channel. This channel mostly shows old movies, or movies I never heard of. Last time I did this I saw the movie Shattered (with Gerard Butler, I love that man). It was an okay pass time. Tonight I chose a movie called One Last Thing.

Its about a boy who has cancer and for his last wish he wants to spend the weekend with a super model. Its classified under comedy... I have never cried as much as I did through this movie (I guess watching a movie alone at night intensifies emotions???). This kid in the movie has been dealt one shitty hand... And has kept an attitude I can only hope to maintain if I was ever faced with the hardships he has.

I've always wanted to volunteer as one of those people who keeps people company in hospitals. Watching this movie has confirmed I will not be able to hold myself together. I have always had a thankful attitude, even if its just in my head, about the kind of life I live. I am healthy, I have love, shelter, and have fun. This is one of those movies that makes you realize what you have to be thankful for- and life is short. Ironically I watched this on thanksgiving night. Read my first post...

Natural Beauty

I am sad to admit that I have become a reality T.V. junkie. One show that I randomly got caught up watching is SEX REHAB with Dr. Drew.

One of the exercises on the last episode was for the women only, they had to remove their make up (after they spent all morning putting it on). A few of the women on the show had a really hard time with this for various reasons. One of them thought she looked like a boy without make up... And never left her house without it.

This got me thinking- I know a few people who don't walk out of their house without make up... My cousin Grace is one of them, my little sister is kind of one of these people as well...
I noticed I am also (as of this year) becoming one of these people who need to put on a little blush to step out of my house because I am so damn pale. Well, today I stepped out of my house WITHOUT any make up. One day, not today, I will go party without make up. I dare all of you to do the same. One night of the natural face OUT.

Good luck to those with the cojones to do it :)

Saltiest Kiss of My Life

I am back from vacationing at the Bahamas and although I had a horrible experience (I will touch base and elaborate on this later in the post) I did:

• Get to enjoy a hot day (I need to move somewhere hot. It truly puts me in a happy place. I hate the cold.)


• Swam with dolphins (check that off my "must do in life" list)


• Unexpectedly got kissed on the mouth by a sea lion (it was the sweetest, best, saltiest kiss of my life... And it came from a sea lion named Cassie. I kissed a girl, and I liked it.)


• Went down the slide on the Mayan Temple in the Atlantis resort (after walking up, chickening out, and being pep talked by the resort employee).

This vacation was an experience to say the least. I want to go back to my last post I Packed for Heat.
My sister Pang told me she had told my neighbor what happened and I immediately asked her "why?!" This caught me off guard, my neighbor is like family and we aren't ashamed to tell each other things. The reality of it is that I am embarrassed, and that's why I asked why.

Now that I have the time to write, let me go into further detail...
I had been drinking a good amount- I usually don't depend on alcohol but I could tell to survive 3 nights with this guy I WAS GOING TO NEED IT.
We went to bed and I started to doze off. I should have woken up when I felt him attempt to come snuggle with me. I kind of just tried to push him off and repositioned myself and KNOCKED OUT. I can't even tell you how much time in between that and the moment he started to rub the inside of my leg happen but I remember feeling that but still sleeping. Apparently I moaned when he went down on me (I found this out through conversation with him later)...
He went in and when he flipped over to put me on top is when I finally was forced to kind of wake up. I was so dizzy. I thought to myself wtf is going on. It was my first night there so it took me a while to register that I wasn't home sleeping in my bed. I remembered that I was in the Bahamas with HIM and I opened my eyes, jumped off, and ran to the shower.
He asked me if I was okay, I said yes from inside the shower and replied "I hope you aren't mad at me..."
Now I'm just feeling hung over because the reality of what just happened took any drunkenness I had away... And I'm pretty pissed but not recognizing it because I'm still in disbelief.
I tell him to leave me alone and I go to sleep.

The next day we barely exchange words. I went to walk around and found the beach. I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance and how I wish I was there with him instead. I wanted to talk to him about what happened, he is a comfort of mine.

The guy finally brings it up and tells me he enjoyed making love to me. ::gag::
We exchange the following points.The conversation didn't go word for word like this but here are the key points...

IMWIR: I was drunk. If I was sober that wouldn't not have happened. It was a mistake and very poor judgement on my part.
Him: I didn't seem that drunk. I moaned and made suggestions that I was enjoying it. Do I feel like I was raped? Do I honestly feel this was a mistake?
IMWIR: I don't have to stagger to be drunk. People who know me can tell I am drunk by the look on my face and he knows I was drunk. I drank a lot, and he paid for them so he knows I drank a lot. Rape is a strong word so I won't use it but I do feel I was taken advantage of in a state where I could not make decisions. I not only had been drinking but already in slumber... The combination of the two is enough to put me in the wrong state for him to have tried that. That would have NEVER happened had I been okay.
Him: I can ask anyone and they will say me accepting the trip knows sex would probably be involved.
IMWIR: He booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for us before and his money went to waste because I never went for that reason and he knew the reason why. He knows how I feel about him, I never lead him on. I accepted this trip because he asked endlessly and I didn't want his $ to go to waste. He is a man, I didn't think I needed to sit and talk him through the rules of the game again. I never demonstrated they would have changed. Regardless, the moment to try that was not when I was drunk and sleeping.

This situation is open for interpretation. People will have their opinions, some will say I got raped (like the ex fiance), others will think that I got taken advantage of (which is what I prefer to say), some find no difference between the two. Whatever the case, it is an ugly situation.

To top it off- AFTER this conversation, I am looking through his camera (with his permission of coarse) and as I flip through them I see he took close ups of my crotch area- disgusting! All in all, I have never felt so violated- to top it off by a police officer.

His defense: he took a picture of every part of my body (my feet, eyes, butt, back of my head...) which he did.

I can't believe I even have a post up here like this...

I Packed For Heat

Hello Bloggers

I am here in Atlantis and have 15 minutes to use the internet so I will make this quick.

1st- it not THAT hot and I packed for heat so I am wearing a mismatching jean jacket every where I go. I might just wear the one pair of long jeans I brought every single night.

2nd- most of the pools are closed. Ef you Atlantis.

3rd- there is NO NIGHT LIFE on the resort from Monday-Wed... which happen to be the nights that I am here.
As a result I ended up getting drunk at the casino bar (where I played and lost $20 in a drunken state)... with a tiny dance floor. I got my ass smacked when they played "she turned around and I gave that big booty a slap! HEY!" By an older white woman. Good times. I took video of a local dancing. I will show you guys when I get home.

Which leads me to the following. I let something happen that I NEVER pictured myself letting happen. I had sex with the guy who brought me here. I don't like him AT ALL and I get pissed because he knew I was too intoxicated and took advantage of that. As soon as I realized what was fucking happening I STOPPED and went to the shower.

This reminded me of a moment THAT GIRL would have (sorry cousin, I love you) and that isn't me. I don't do these kinds of things! It is the first time I have ever done something I regret from drinking. And so, I think from now on I will go back to my sober ways unless I am hanging out with my girls, or the ex fiance.

OFF TO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS IN THE RAIN I GO!

Vaca- here I come!

Hey all,

I decided to make this a light one. I realllly didn't want this blog to be just about boys and that's all it seems to be about (I guess that is what happens when you are single and DON'T work).

Believe me, there is a lot to tell but I will leave all boy stories out of this one. Just for personal peace of mind I guess lol.

I'm posting this up today but I know most of you will not read this until Monday- because you read this while at work... But PEACE BITCHES! (I mean that with love)... I'm out to the Bahamas for an all inclusive trip at Atlantis.
Hopefully while you are reading this I'll be on the airplane, or who knows- I might be in my Bikini sippin on a cocktail at the beach...

He Thinks I have Potential. How Flattering.

Here is one for shit's and giggles.

This is a guy I went to college with and that is that. Nothing every happened and he has never been mentioned, nor will get a label on the post because- well... he will probably never be mentioned again. I will keep his initials JD.

I have not changed anything except the names.

Participants:-------------In My World I ROCK (IMWIR), J D

Messages:---------

J D: Hi

IMWIR Hola :)

J D: Hi chula

J D: Como estas

IMWIR: With a stuffy nose :) lol

J D: Ouchh

J D: Hope u geT better

J D: What's new

J D: What are you up to

IMWIR: Not much. A few vacations coming up

J D: A few?

IMWIR: Well- 2

J D: Are you a cop already?

J D: Hmm I just came back from dr

J D: 8 days

IMWIR: How was that? No I'm not a cop yet? Where r u working now? The same place?

J D: Yes

J D: It was fun I needed it

J D: Nothing crazy but I got to relax

J D: You still live up In the heights

J D: ?

IMWIR: Yeah man

J D: Cool

J D: Todavis soltera?

IMWIR: Yea

J D: Tempting

J D: Olle viene el frio ya

J D: Hmm

J D: Lol

IMWIR: I hate the cold

J D: I see

J D: So what's up?

J D: Vamo a comenzar los amores ahora pa cuando llegue el frio tar ready

J D: Lol

J D: Que diga tar abrigados lol

IMWIR: Lmao

J D: I'll take that as a yes.

J D: Hmm I know I liked u school

J D: Debimos salir

J D: I always wanted to do you

J D: ;)

IMWIR: Wow

IMWIR: Lol that straight forward

J D: Lol

J D: Ya tamo en el 2010 casi

J D: Muchacha

J D: Its true I think your a good fuck

J D: But you prob make a nice wofe too

J D: I'm jusy trying to say you have potential

J D: In the event

IMWIR: Wow

IMWIR: I'm glad you see me as a good fuck but I give my "pussy" value... And I don't go around just fucking guys.

IMWIR: So I appreciate the compliment (I suppose) but you can't scratch that idea out of your "to do" list

IMWIR: Take care J D

J D: Dique now your shy

J D: No no te ofenda

J D: Ok

J D: I actually think your a descent girl

J D: What?

J D: But you look very interesting

J D: I just suck at expresing myself

J D: :(

IMWIR: Apology accepted but this conversation ends here. Again, take care JD.

JD: kk bye

*END CONVO*

Then he deleted me off of Black Berry Messanger.

Grand Canyon Lovin' Preview

I don't feel like doing too much writing about this so I will copy and paste a conversation I had on gmail with one of my best friends Break Dancer. Ladies, he is the shit.

Participants:-------------In My World I ROCK (IMWIR) , Break Dancer
Messages:---------
Break Dancer: Word! I hate itttttttt
IMWIR : Me too. I don't think anyone likes being broke
IMWIR: Yo so u want to hear the latest
Break Dancer: Tell me lol
IMWIR: I went to sleep over Scarfs house
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : Where do I begiiiiin
Break Dancer First time?
IMWIR: Sleeping over, no- the first time I slept over was the night I THREW UP
IMWIR : Remember my blog
Break Dancer: Ooooh yea haha
IMWIR : K
IMWIR : So...
IMWIR : That time nothing happened cuz... Well... I was throwing up.
Break Dancer: Right
IMWIR: In short: 1-he is a horrible intense kisser (but okay when it isn't a heated kiss)... But great orally... 2- we didn't have sex because he told me he wants to wait until the grand canyon BUT he has a small package... 3- I couldn't stop thinking about the ex fiance.
Break Dancer: Woah
Break Dancer: Hold on
Break Dancer: Take it back lol
IMWIR : ...
IMWIR : To which one
Break Dancer: 1 you are just figuring out now he's a bad intense kisser like u say?
IMWIR : No
IMWIR: Wait
Break Dancer: Oooh ok
Anel : I said he is an okay kisser but you know when things get intense... Sometimes the kiss changes
Break Dancer: Lol yea
Break Dancer: Yo i'm laughing here
IMWIR: So he is horrible at the but when he is kissing anything that isn't my lips its great
Break Dancer: Hahahha
Break Dancer: Lmao
IMWIR : Lol
IMWIR : Jesus
Break Dancer: So a man that wants to wait? That's strange
Break Dancer: Also about his little problem. Tell him to try one of those pills on tv. Maybe it will work lol
IMWIR : I'm not telling him shit
IMWIR : After the road trip it won't matter
Break Dancer: Why?
IMWIR : I am still in love with the ex fiance.
Break Dancer : So after the trip u are going to dead scarf?
IMWIR : I don't know what to do
IMWIR : I enjoy him
IMWIR : And I know I'll have fun on this trip and its fucked up of me to go on this trip and accept all his dates knowing my heart is somewhere else.

*END CONVO*

Jesus how fuckeD up am I?

I really do enjoy Scarf but being in bed with him... didn't feel right.
When I was with Fitness I didn't mind being in bed with him at all.
How fucked up is it of me to think- thank god he wants to wait until the Grand Canyon, that's half way through the trip and the other 4 days my sister Pang will be sharing a room with us in Vegas! Then we have just 3 days.

I almost deleted that last bit because I felt THAT HORRIBLE writing it... but what's this blog for if I have to censor it?

Who knows- hopefully I come back from this trip and have to EAT MY WORDS because his intentions are super sweet. He wants me to dress up for a photo shoot in my elegant dresses in the Grand Canyon- he is bringing his professional camera for this.

He is booking a bunch of fun activities like a helicopter ride in the Grand Canyon, rock climbing, seeing shows...

Although, I probably won't be getting much sleep on this trip. HE SNORES.

I Know Too Much

This wasn't meant to be a blog about my dating life. Actually, I tried to make it a point to NOT make it about just boys but I guess all I have been doing is having fun- while dating.

Today I am going to flip the switch and write about something else that is very important in my life. MY PARENTS.

Usually I will write, and re write a blog but this one I am just winging it. I actually don't even know where to start...

I've always felt that I KNOW TOO MUCH. I love my mother, I've said it before- I have had, since little, an unhealthy attachment to that woman. She is my friend, actually, she is one of my better friends.

I think my mom feels the same about me. I think that sometimes it is hard for her to draw a line between mother and friend ONLY WHEN it comes to talking about her personal business. I feel like I KNOW TOO MUCH.

I've had my differences with my dad. Every fight I have had with him has been because of my inability to back down from something I think is unfair. I have my rights to judge him for what has happened between him and I. Honestly, I have judged him for things I know about him through my mother. I know that I know too much.

But how do you tell your mother, who you can tell is telling you these things because she needs an outlet... "Mom, stop... Maybe I shouldn't know all of this..."

I never said it. And today, I wish I did.
Let me explain...

When the ex fiance and I broke up I moved back home to a hostile situation between my parents. Shortly after moving back my parents "separated" and my mom has been sleeping on a couch in my room. At first I thought this was just one of their shenanigans.

It wasn't.

My mom still sleeps in my room.

My parents talk divorce.
He says my mom has put his personal business out there about problems they've had in the bedroom, and my mom has just had problems with him for years...

My mom suffers from depression and insomnia. I think what has been helping her has been READING.

While at the library, she is at the Spanish books section just flipping through books and finds this book of magic where there is a section about insomnia. She decides to look at a few other books in that genre and finds that a few of them have a insomnia section. She takes 3 out and brings them home.

My dad comes home and finds this. It triggers his curiosity so he looks through all her books and of coarse he finds two more.

He approaches my mom about this, starts to fight to her that he thinks she is into some brujeria. That there is a smell in the house that she refuses to explain (its a glade plug in... and she refuses to tell him what or where it is because then he will remove it), and then he finds these books.

My mom and him start going back and forth about snooping through each others shit, and a bunch of other things.

I am in the bathroom getting ready for an event while this is happening and I start to get that feeling of anxiety so I shut the door and put the music up. Pang is in our bedroom and she does the complete opposite, she lowers the music so she could hear better lol.

Anyway, my mom comes up to me today and asks me if I heard what happened yesterday. I smirk and say yes. She goes on to repeat the entire argument as she saw it and tells me that at night she was thinking that once he told her that he thinks someone did some brujeria (witchery) to him. After he saw that book that maybe he thinks the reason why he is IMPOTENT is because she was the one who did it to him.

MY HEART DROPPED, I tried not to react to what I was hearing.

I kind of wish I didn't know. I know that I know too much.

It's 4:30. No, really... It is.

I Have to start off by saying LET'S GO YANKEES! Congrats on the 2009 World Series Win

Moving on...

Things IMWIR strongly dislikes:

• Soggy Cereal
• Wet Clothes
• The train during rush hour
• Waking up to an alarm clock
• Being rushed

I had plans to meet Scarf at 3 p.m. There was no hot water (I should have added cold showers to the list of dislikes) at home so he pushed plans back to 3:30 to give me time to find a solution to this very big problem.
We finally get hot water and I'm getting ready when I get a phone call at 2:24 p.m... Its Scarf.

Scarf: Heeeey, what are you doing?

IMWIR: We just got hot water so I just hopped out the shower.

Scarf: Oh, well... IM HERE!

::silence::

IMWIR: ummm okay cool- you're early, I need a few minutes to get ready.

Scarf: Ok. How much time do you need?

(This is where I start to get bothered, you said 3:30 and are pressuring me for time when you are AN HOUR early. As I said before, I strongly dislike being rushed).

IMWIR: Another 20 minutes.

Scarf: I'll be getting coffee, see you in 20.

I get another call at 2:52

Its Scarf.

Scarf: Hey...

IMWIR: Yessss....

Scarf: what's up? What's your status?

IMWIR: (a little dry) I'll be out in 10 minutes.
This is so unlike him, he is such a chill dude, why is he being so damn persistent when he is super early and he was the one who offered to push the time back an extra half hour?

I don't know where we are going or what we are doing. We drive to Columbus Circle, put the car in the garage and walk towards Central Park.

All the horse and carriages are on the side and I comment on how I would love to own a horse and although the rides are nice, I hate to see them so restricted and tied up.

Scarf: oh, well... Surprise! We are going for a horse and carriage ride around central park. They are closing the stables soon so these are their last weeks.

Talk about putting my foot in my mouth!! It was a good ride, very romantic.

On our walk back he asks me for the time.

IMWIR: It's 4:30

Scarf: No it isn't.

I scramble in my purse for my phone. I check the time on that.

IMWIR: yes it is.

Scarf: that's impossible. It can't be.

I start to think maybe we are running late for something...

Scarf: I picked you up at 4:30... That's why I was rushing you, I wanted to do this before the sun went down.

IMWIR: no, u were in the heights at 2:30 and we left a little after 3.
This entire time he went by the time in his car and was an hour early. Damn this day light savings.

After, we went to Hummus in Hells Kitchen- and I must say the food was impressive. To end off the night he met up with me after dance school to dance a few salsa songs and off we went to meet up with my older sister Pang to watch the World Series.
Needless to say, to end a perfect date- the YANKS won the World Series.

IN NEW YORK THEY SMOKE PHILLIES.

Earlier today Scarf and I were emailing back and forth- he sent me some of the pics from yesterday's date. I responded thanking him again, and here goes his response:

That was cool and what I considered, "simple romance." In short, planning days like that is a reflection of how I feel about you. I want effortless, unique and fun experiences with you. There is nothing like seeing a smile on your face. :)

Baseball Managing: COME TO MY TEAM

There are many things I've done that I thought I never would do...

There are many things I haven't done that I want to do...

Let me explain

My neighbor has this gay co-worker whom through out the years has become a good friend of hers. Let's call him Confused.

I got the chance to really see Confused at my neighbors birthday party in May. I know that one does not have to fit the stereo type but this guy does not look or act gay... and on top of that I think he is pretty good looking. Not usually what I am attracted to but he is a good looking guy.

I tell my neighbor this and she tells me that he has had one girlfriend when he was younger and I guess she scared him out of liking girls, so he was into guys BUT that he was attracted to my neighbor once and has never been with a girl so she says he is just confused. She says he shouldn't shut girls out completely until he has been with one. On top of that he is a real shy guy so for him to get to know a girl is difficult.

Halloween night comes along and my girls and I are looking better and sexy as ever. Confused comes in his Robin costume (I was dressed as a ballerina) and it all started in the car ride. We didn't have enough space so someone had to sit on top of someone else. Being that I am the smallest, I sat on top of Confused. My neighbor is winking at me the entire ride...

We get to the club and I was already into my third double shot of Vodka (I had been there 20 minutes) when I come back from the bathroom my neighbor says "IMWIR kiss Confused!".

I turn around and plant one on him. His lips were so soft that we just tapped... tapped... TONGUE. Yes, we were making out in the club. I spent my entire Halloween night making out with a gay guy. Most of the time I went to kiss him, that's how shy he was... or maybe it's that's how drunk I was???

We talked a lot. I can't remember half the shit we spoke about but at one point he is talking to me about his family and acceptance from his father. Good conversation to have at a Halloween party held in a strip club while drunk. I go on to tell him my story about the last time I tried with my father and that "I am still angry but he can pass away and I have no regrets, because I told him why". Mind you, now him and I are tearing in the club talking about this shit.

He says "give me your phone, I need to make a phone call". (He had lost his at this point at night)... We step outside and he is calling all his family members to try to get his dads phone number at 2 o clock in the morning crying. I was in utter shock at what was going on. I kept asking him "are you sure you want to do this?" He told me if he didn't do it at that moment, he was never going to do it.

I decided to back off, take a few steps back and just watch. He finally got his dads number and left him a voicemail that broke my heart. I started to cry watching him. It was basically telling him he knows he doesn't accept his life style and that's why he treats him different then the others but that he still loves him, and told him the reasons he was angry- mostly for things that he has done to his mother. That's all I will put up here out of respect for the situation.

When we left the club I got dropped off at his house, I told him I wanted to cuddle (he had to be up for work an hr and a half later). We lay down in bed and cuddle... and we started to fall asleep when I turned to face him and my hand landed on his inner thigh.

I got to business.

I wasn't too aggressive with anything, I kinda wanted to let him do what he wanted with me since he "had never been with a girl."

I'm calling bull shit when I see it.

Although he was very gentle (per my request) he knew what he was doing.

We ended up waking up LATE. He had to be at work at 7 and we woke up at 7:45.

I woke up with my thong and pantyhose hanging from one leg. I slipped it back on, threw on my leotard and tutu and walked out. This walk of shame reminded of something out of My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler.

He paid for my cab to go home and I stood outside of my building in my tutu hoping someone was awake to open the door. I had no keys or no cell phone on me. My mom was awake. I made up some bull shit excuse as to why was I coming home at 8 in the morning still in my costume and went to bed.

I am about to go talk to my neighbor now so I'll have his side of it later. He did tell her he wants more of me.

I had sex with a gay guy and I was the first girl he had ever been with. I might have just turned him straight.